MTT: Axis of Ewwwwwvil

Oh shit. America time. Hometown heroes. Colonies bringing it this week, SON!

In this episode of MTT we honor a true patriot. A monster that stood for justice and freedom when the world needed it most. A brave beacon of hope that carried liberty and strenght to all nations that requested. Of course, I am talking about my penis (APRIL FOOLS YOU GUYS!!! Also, that is the first of many dick jokes headed your way so strap on). The actual subject of tonight's episode is none other than Super_glue. We all know that SG is many things; knitter commenter, eagle. What you may not have learned, however, is that SG was also a prominent figure of the second of Earth's super wars. So, open up your old history book to the 18 pages on WWII, grab some real dank hydro, and use that chapter for rolling paper because Papes is going to drop some REAL knowledge on you. Lets do this.


Remember these dicks?

MTT: You guys watch Fringe?

Jesus fucking Christ I know. I know I'm way late. You'd think a guy with a time machine would have no problem with deadlines. Well, you would be right.... on your way to being a dick. Not a lot of story on this one. This is simply a collection of very very expensive photos and paintings that I have featuring a particularly invasive monster. If you, like me, are obsessed with the show Fringe (FOX Fridays @ 9) than you will be aware of the concept of The Observer. If you are not aware of that concept may I suggest that you dedicate the next 46 hours to your television, Olivia, Walter, and Peter.

For the uninitiated, The Observer is a timeless being that happens to show up at memorable events through out history. He (usually) does not effect these moments, he simply observes. Hence the name. Franklloydwrong is not an observer. He is similar. While he is timeless and he does show up through out history, he tries very very hard to effect these moments. Well, not the moments themselves but the documenting of those moments. You see, FLW hates cameras, camerapeople, and painters. He is 1/4 Aboriginal and therefore believes that capturing your image captures your soul. But he only one quarter beliefs that. The other three quarters just likes to ruin other peoples photos.

So without further ado, some of my personal collection of the un-doctored originals of famous photos featuring the world's first photobomber Frank Lloyd Wrong.

MTT: The Super Exlusive Dead Friends Club

Here we are again. Time for ol' Papes to set you readers straight. This one is a sad one so grab a Kleenex if you are so inclined.

I like movies. I like movies a whole lot. I can't tell you the last name of 50% of my ex-girlfriends but I could rattle off to you the entire dialogue of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie. Some people's brains work differently. Don't judge me. However, there is one type of movie that always sticks in my craw...biopics. Being a time traveler, it is very frustrating to see events that you've witnessed with your own two eyes being completely falsified for the big screen. Books I can deal with, who reads books anyways? Wikipedia? Please. I don't even mind students being taught incorrect history for generations and generations, but movies? Movies should be held to a higher standard. Movies should get it right.

Cause in point:

MTT: It's Spelled "Bird Squiggle Hand Bird", Friend

(click photos to enlarge)

Ok, here is the thing. When I started this little segment I had no idea what I would write about. As far as I knew, the only history a MOBFD monster ever effected was a browser's. All I knew was that I have a time machine in my garage, I never use it, and I had done this pretty cool mash up of me on the machine in the "Welcome to Hill Valley" sign from Back to the Future. So what did I decide to do? Get drunk, watch the History channel, report. Needless to say, my plan worked perfectly.

It was 38 straight hours of wine coolers and HC. I used commercials for maintenance and eating. I slept during shows about the Victorian era because fucking shoot me. Something went wrong during an hour long nap during an episode of Fashion in 1842. An hour of sleep turned into five. I woke up in a haze. Flickering on the screen while a narrator prattled on about mummification was a picture of the Egyptian god Anubis. My eyes stung, my vision was blurry, but I caught something. My hands scrambled across the coffee table clutching at the remote. I hit pause on the DVR and crept toward the image glowing across my face.

A preview to a new feature

Well well well, look who got around to finally doing a segment. If you could not guess from the picture above, each week I will be taking you on a journey through time. Together we will look at how certain monsters have changed the course of history using only my mediocre photoshop skills and my community college creative writing credit. Shall we do this? LETS DO THIS!

This week: Did Steve Winwood help create the pyramids?
Find out Friday on MONSTERS THROUGH TIME!!!