Hello, chidren, and welcome again to another installment of I’d Literally Hit That. “But teacherman” you say through a mouthful of Lemonheads and Evan Williams, “it’s been a while sense you were around these parts. We…phew boy, this is awkward…erm, we thought you were dead. We had a funeral and everything. It was like a zombie orgy – nobody came.” Well, I’m not dead bitches. Excuse me, I mean I’m not dead, bitches (see, commas are important, my students). I may be a bit run down from some long hours at work, and I may or may not have lost a hand to Skeledog while he was in his death throes, but I, myself, am not dead. I am, like the brothers of River Phoenix and Dan Gordon-Levitt, very much alive.
