Hater’s Guide to Presidents’ Day

My birthday was yesterday, I turned 26 miserable years old. However, this isn’t a hater’s guide to birthdays so I will move on.

Let’s talk President’s Day.

First off, what a Commie holiday! “Oh Glorious Leaders, we thank you for the many sacrifices (read: slave trading, land stealing, genocide, corporate collusion, cover-ups, and oil wars) you’ve made to make our country superior to the evil brown nations to the south and the cultureless arctic wasteland to the north. Many blessings upon you, Dear Leaders!” Un-American, disgusting. Please elect me President of Barf, together we will bring about change we can vomit in

Welcome to the Hater's Guide

One of the greatest.

What up, MOBDF? I’ve wanted to write a column for you guys to laugh at for a while but in all honesty I felt I had nothing to offer. Naturally, this sparked within me an existential crisis. A crisis affecting me so wholly that it led me on a journey in which I sought to rediscover what, if anything, made me great. I spent many weeks alone, far removed from human contact with nothing but rain water for nourishment and I have now returned from the wild reborn as a shining beacon of light in this dark, dark world.