Behind the Grunts: Saturday Divisional Playoffs

Pittsburg Steelers VS Baltimore Ravens 3:30 PM CT

Cool factor This will be the football equivalent of a heavyweight fight. These are two very physical teams who will be playing in the snowy, brick-like mud of Heinz field. The Winner of this game will dictate how next week’s AFC Championship is played.

Players to watch:

Ed Reed vs. Troy Polamalu 

"HAIR IS FUN!!!!"

I'd Hit That: Football Edition

In this very special edition of "I'd Hit That," we are going to countdown the the top 5 hottest football players. I took your comments into account, and I also added my own football hotties. Let's do this!

5.) Tom Brady

Ok, so Tom Brady is a douche and plays for my (and my husband, The Narrator's) least favorite team, The New England Patriots. However, I can't overlook the amount of hotness this guy possesses. It's kind of unreal. Since Tom is a douche, I would "hate-fuck" him and then that's it...GET OUT OF MY BED, TOM!

A Working Monster's Guide to Brief Procrastination

Like most great ideas, this one was born out of a conversation with ThisIsMyNightmare and LilBobbyTables in chat. We all work full time during the day and occasionally encounter work-related things we don't want to do. Here is a list of methods by which a working monster can procrastinate doing unpleasant work tasks while still looking productive:

Los Angeles Meetup Reminder

Quick Reminder for anyone near LA this weekend:

LA Meetup!

Saturday, January 15 · 8:00pm - 11:00pm
Thirsty Crow Bar
2339 w Sunset blvd
Los Angeles, CA

Come join your fellow monsters for a few drinks and some possibly awkward conversation.

Everyone Welcome!
(Although it's at a bar so maybe 21+ welcome inside and
20- welcome to meetup on sidewalk outside?)

Just the Tip

My most painful non used tip. It's that kind of night. Presented without commentary because you don't need it:



Share my pain. Send your unposted videogum tips to me.

NERD ALERT!

a fangirl's perspective : fantasy novels


r. scott bakker's "prince of nothing" series is best read when you don't know what you're getting into. although there is a glossary in the back (as i discovered AFTER i finished the first book), the author doesn't ease you into the socio-political structure of the three seas. you are required to piece together the bureaucracy of inrithism, the customs of the scylvendi, the differences between the sorcerous schools. you get that an apocalypse is probably coming, that there's something dark and nasty in the north, but each time something fantastical finally reveals itself, it is shocking.

Monster Movie Club: Exit through the Gift Shop

In some ways street artist are a lot like Internet commentators. You put your feelings out in public, not knowing if people will like it or not. Mostly they are out of context to the average passerby and they are soon forgotten. 

The first half of the movie is a love letter to the street art world from the scene’s biggest champion, Thierry Guetta.  It’s pretty endearing how a man with a camera and not much finds himself in the world of graffiti. The graffito taggers seem to embrace him early on simply for the fact that he embraces them.  He has a strong sense of just needing to create something, which I would imagine also helps to form this bond.  A fun symbiosis is formed when they realize that they need him as much as he needs them. The first half of the film is fun and you cheer for the kids(not really kids) who disregard social norms and express themsleves without bothering to check if it offends authority.

Gums of Our Lives: Episode 7

Back in her office, A Serious Monster was poring over the research she had done on The Narrator while singing Kanye West’s “Monster.”

“Everybody know I’m A Serious Monster,” she rapped under her breath, and then smiled at how terribly clever her new lyrics were. She had been scouring the internet and making phone calls all day, and her eyes, neck, ears, wrists, and right shoulder were all dully throbbing. She reached into her desk and pulled out a bottle of Jameson. “Oh, hello, old friend,” she said, lovingly. “Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?” The bottle, unsurprisingly, said nothing.

“What’s that, Jameson? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

The bottle remained steadfast in its resolution not to respond.

“Well, then,” A Serious Monster continued, “We’ll just see about that.”

She unscrewed the top and poured herself a glass.

“Heeeeeere’s A Serious Monster!” She said, downing it in one gulp. Suddenly, she was startled by the phone ringing. She picked it up.

Freak Out! Large Marge Edition

When I was a kid, I got freaked out by a lot of things. Join me each week as delve into these moments and see if I still think they still freak me out.

I saw the trailer for Pee Wee's Big Adventure attached to whatever animated piece of garbage I dragged my parents to. (I think it was The Adventures of Mark Twain, which has another freak-out moment which I hope to get to in a future column.) Now, some quick back story, my parents saw Pee Wee live in LA a few years prior and his show was definitely not for kids, (HBO sometimes shows an old taped performance of his adult show from '81, which is similar to his current show on Broadway right now) so they were reticent to take me to see Pee Wee's Big Adventure. However, I begged, BEGGED, so much that when it came out, they took me just to shut me up. (Best parenting style ever.)

Monster Fit Club: Check in -week 2

Hi,

Welcome to week two of the "Monster Fit Club Check In". If you have some movies, stories, images that inspire you, send them to me and I will post & credit you here. Post your progress & diet tips over at Mrs. Nightmare's Weblog column.

I see a lot of you joined the Monster fit club, don't forget to post your updates, this is a good way to not only motivate yourself, but also your fellow comment buddies. Like I said before, you don't have to post with your regular username if it makes you uncomfortable. Did everyone consult a doctor? Lets get down to business.

Monster Roundup

Hey kids, welcome to the Monster roundup. In this Column we will try to bring you the weekly monster happenings going on around the web.

General Community stuff.
If you are a monster and have stuff going on outside of Videogum send me an email & I'll try to post a link to it. If you have a personal Blog send a link to Werttrew or me and we'll happily ad you to the Blog/tumblr list. 

If you want to be added to Werrtrew's videogum list, send him a message.

Also we have an online game list, this is for Playstation Network, Xbox Live, Word With Friends for Istuff and the android version of Scrabble Wordfeud that Skotchka mentioned.

The monster marketplace is empty due to the fact that I'm an idiot and I lost all the links, if you have an Ebay, Etsy or real store let me know and I'll add it.

If you have no idea what's going on be sure to check out Werttrew's Inside joke list.

MOBFD is doing an European & Oceanic monster list. Let me know if you'd like to be added.

Getting real: The social-cultural impact of The Hunt on Monsters

By Anchor Management

Another round of movies has just been chosen to be torn asunder by Gabe in the name of art. 

Have you seen some of the suggestions made? Yes, there are a lot of obvious offenders (The Happening, Jumper, Sex and the City 2), some more left-field entries which could be Hunt Material, but aren’t really the worst (Alice in Wonderland, Stranger Than Fiction, Avatar) and some movies I genuinely enjoyed, even loved (someone had the audacity to nominate Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, one of my favorites of all time).

What would make Monsters so critical of those movies? Is the enjoyment of movies that subjective? Do our definitions of what makes a terrible movie vary that much? Could it be that we have become so adept in spotting weaknesses that it has become second nature to eviscerate movies?

Okay, back up just a little. The Videogum community is a very welcoming one, but it can be scary to start out. The regular commenters are all very smart and funny and while it is true that the Women of the Twilight Fan fiction panel also think they are, Monsters really are. You want to fit in, which requires to gain a report with the regulars. Being able to make a good (bad) pun helps, as does being able to make funny comments. By repeatedly think of funny comments, you develop a certain mindset. But this mindset can interfere with your enjoyment of less-than-perfect entertainment, most clearly seen in movies.

Let me give you some examples of what I’m trying to say. Exhibit A is “Easy A”, released last year. It is

LBT's Generic Book Corner: 20th Century Ghosts

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to another post where I ramble about books and perhaps reminisce about grade school trauma long since past! Since discussing World War Z last time, I have been thinking about modern horror literature (full disclosure - for me, modern literature encompasses anything written post WWI. The glory of being an English Major.), and especially one of my favorite little gems, Joe Hill's collection of short stories, 20th Century Ghosts.

Now THAT is funny. The Automobile Wrecking Site Edition.

Many years ago, I gave my boyfriend a Valentine's Day card that had this Far Side cartoon on the cover. The message inside was something harmless like "Happy Valentine's Day." He stared at the card blankly when I gave it to him. He didn't get that it was supposed to be funny. To me, this is insanely hilarious. I dated that guy for over three years! I would now like to have a long talk with all of you about what a shit head I can be about my life decisions. I mean, that's a deal breaker, right ladies?

Just the Tip- Hooky edition

I didn't go to work today; now you can reap the benefits. It's been awhile my dear monsters. Let's see what's in the mailbag, shall we?

What's up? Oh just hanging out on some train tracks, creepily videotaping children in a park, and getting the words wrong to Come On Eileen:



Of COURSE he had to have the ugly taxidermied yelling-faced pig with wheels on it's feet. My favorite part is when they talk about him "in action":

I Call Bullshit!: C3PO

Welcome, everyone, to a new column I like to call "I Call Bullshit!" For the inaugural post, I will be calling bullshit on everyone's least favorite droid, C3PO.



"But Lawblog," you may ask, "Doesn't C3PO get enough shit from Star Wars fans? Isn't he widely regarded as a useless and annoying albatross? Doesn't he even annoy this girl? Isn't Boba Fett awesome?" The answer to all of these questions is yes, however, in regards to the last question, if you're going to Comic Con, try to find a more creative costume. I am specifically calling bullshit on the one thing that C3PO is supposedly useful for, namely his position as a protocol droid.

A protocol droid's functions are to serve as a translator, from sentient beings to computers and from one sentient being to another. Let us address the function of translation from sentient being to computer first. Where should I begin with that one? How about with the fact that he doesn't do that? At all? In fact, it seems as though his only job in this regard is to yell at R2D2 to do things more quickly, such as shutting down all the trash compactors on the detention level, or jerry-rigging the blast doors at the alliance base on Endor. In fact, if it weren't for R2D2's ability to interface with those computers, the rebel alliance would have been royally fucked.

In regards to translation from sentient being to sentient being, C3PO is immensely proud of his talents, and is not averse to bragging.



He is, "Fluent in over six million forms of communication." According to the dictionary, "fluent" is described as "able to speak or write smoothly, easily, or readily." Witness the following exchange from Return of the Jedi:

Monster Fit Club: Week Two

You guys, I can't tell you how excited I am when I read all your comments. We have lurkers and regular commenters alike participating. THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's get to point here...Weigh in time, y'all!

This week I lost 5 lbs. which means that I am 15 lbs. away from my 20 lb. goal!

Monday through Friday, I got all five workouts in and ate really well. As far as diet, I have changed my plan. I decided to not do the 4 Day Diet because my husband wasn't really on board, and it is much easier if we are both doing the same thing. We both decided to go with counting calories. This weekend I went out of town and my eating and drinking was not exactly the best, but that should be the last giant splurge like that for awhile.

Tales from the Chat

Back when I first started chatting I had a standard question for all chat monsters. Unfortunately I can't chat as much as I once did, so I decided to post this question here:

What is the douchiest thing you've ever done?

I have 3 things, you can rank them as you wish:

No Paparazzo-O: My Life Is Chloe Sevigny

It's a new year, a new decade, and a new post about celeb-sightings. How lucky are we?!

Yesterday I spotted Chloe Sevigny in Silver Lake which reminded me that it's time to come clean to you all about my star-crossed relationship with her.

It all began a few years ago when I first saw Chloe at a tequila bar in downtown L.A. called La Cita where The Slits were playing. The bar was packed with everyone on the sweaty dance floor rocking out to some orgasmic punk music. Worming my way through the crowd to get to the restroom, I squeezed behind Chloe, resting my hands on her petite sexy waist for two seconds. No homo... but it was hot.

Behind the Grunts: Tights & Pads: Eagles vs. Packers

Philadelphia Eagles Vs. Green Bay Packers 3:30 pm CT time 

Cool factor: This should be an offensive display. Look for both teams to get the ball flying on this one.

Suck Factor: See below.

Players to watch: Packers

Aaron Rodgers

Behind the Grunts: Tights & Pads: Chiefs Vs. Ravens

Kansas City Chiefs Vs. Baltimore Ravens 12:00 pm CT time 

Cool factor: If you like the violent aspect of Football, this is the game for you. This is going to be an all out collision of defenses.