This site does not represent the views of

Bear with us while we get this organized. This site does not represent the views of Send submissions to Send tips to if they are not posted there, wait a while & send them to Take care, Stay Awesome.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

That Song on the Radio is Nice

Gather round the fire children, for I've a story to tell.

It's the year 2000. The fear and anxiety of the New Year has dissipated, we have emerged from imminent technological doom unscathed* and it is summer. I was young, I was haphazardly ambitious, and I wanted to work at church camp. So I did.

17 years of religious experience had led me to this place of eager proselytization. I had been called by a higher power to the shores of the Northumberland Straight to save the souls of children through songs about little red wagons and games of manhunt. By the end of the summer only one girl had listened to my pleas of soul surrender but that was enough for me.

Cut to 11 years later and I feel a familiar call.

Dusky Panther's Saturday Morning Cartoon

Every true art form is censored. As Ebert would say, "I'd rather have whiskers than be a knave," and everyone was all, like, "Boooooo."

Next week's toon is up to you! If you leave a comment requesting a specific cartoon, I'll see what I can do. This is your chance to finally voice your desire to finally see Samurai Pizza Cats re-edited.

As always, the cartoon archive is open to the public.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Videogum 3rd Anniversary: Chicago Style!!!!

Hello fair monsters. JD here. While there was a huge hub-bub on the mothership today about the fancy schmancy NYC anniversary party, I'd like to show you guys a little something. It's a story about a city with big shoulders. Chicago!!!! Let's gooooooo.

Announcing New Orleans Monster Meet Up

So this is happening...

Saturday, May 14th
Location: TBD

We are going to party like it's 1999, y'all. All Monsters are welcome, commentators and lurkers alike! I expect all out-of-town Monsters to be there too so you don't end up looking like Khole Kardashian up there.

Please RSVP on the Facebook Event Page that we have created.

Weekly gif Round-Up

So there were actually a few new things on TV this week: SNL, Justified, Bones. Sadly no Thursday Night TV. But next week will be heavy on the gifs: SNL with Dame Helen Mirrin & the hittable Dave Grohl, All four of our Thursday night shows are new, and for some reason there is a new Paul Reiser sitcom. So I'm looking forward to some good tv next week!

These images were found all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Where The Hell I've Been

Dear Monsters,

Sorry I haven't posted here or anywhere really for the last couple months. I have been busy working on a feature film. You can see more about the movie and maybe even perhaps kick in a buck or two to help it get finished here. Once that is all finished I will return to posting "hilarious" "posts" about "things" that "I" "do".

Twin Peaks S01E01: Pilot

Remove Formatting from selection
Before I get to the actual show: Tribal Council time.

Okay, so I was glad to see quite a few of you expressed interest in watching this show, maybe writing about it occasionally, etc. Twin Peaks fever is in the air. Polythene Pam, however, pointed out that not long ago on a Videogum thread Gabe asked for recommendations for TV Club this summer and Twin Peaks looked to have the biggest backing in the comments, though Gabe has not given any indication about what he plans to do.

Chris Trash and I both consulted the oracle of Werttrew, but he really didn't have any info on that. His guess was that it might be a bit before that TV club happens and that it wouldn't be Twin Peaks. Personally, I would bet against it being TP too, but that's just a hunch on both our parts.

Obviously, if Vgum did end up covering this show, it might be superfluous for us to have done this a month or two earlier. In theory, this would be a very different thing, maybe more in the spirit of Bookgum (RIP) with different people sharing thoughts on whatever aspect/character/scene stood out to them as opposed to a full on recap. But I can understand if people want to wait and see.

As I said, my hunch is that Vgum won't go TP, I think enough people want to watch the show right now, and I think this will be different enough even if Gabe does cover it. But really, it's up to everyone else who would be involved in this. Vote now! free polls
Go ahead with Twin Peaks on MOBFD?
Yes Wait to see what Vgum does   

Okay, enough of that. On to the actual episode:

As I said in the intro post, I've seen most of Lynch's work but not even a minute of this show. I'm very interested to see how his very distinctive style translates in a long-form story; while we've seen some big name directors step into television via miniseries (i.e. Spielberg - Band of Brothers), I can't think of any immediate parallels to Lynch crossing over to TV for Twin Peaks.

I imagine, especially for a director used to having considerable creative freedom and only occasionally straying near the mainstream (Elephant Man), there were some sacrifices required in producing a network TV show. In fact, Lynch would attempt another neo-noir show about a decade later when he filmed Mulholland Drive as a TV pilot. The execs weren't won over that time around, so he shot some more footage to wrap up the story and turned it into (IMO) arguably his best film.

Whether the Twin Peaks pilot could have easily segued into a feature film is debatable - most of its 90+ minutes are spent establishing characters and piling mysteries upon mysteries. I was surprised, though, at how fast the plot moved, revelations about Laura Palmer's (RIP) past coming quickly, and some of the underlying town dynamics already emerging.

"Who's the lady with the log?" "We call her Log Lady."

We're already running a little long here, so I'll just touch on some odds and ends:

- Agent Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan): Very much based on the old-timey, wise cracking, noir detective type. Complete opposite of the small-town folks: he's unfazed by any revelation of human depravity, but always in awe of the natural setting. As goofy as he, he seems entirely comfortable and confident in himself and the situation. I predict as the case/show progresses and shit gets Lynchy, even he might encounter things that he isn't prepared for.

- Are all the boyfriends in this show assholes? Some very unconscious masculinity at work in this town.

- The score by Angelo Badalamenti is very reminicent of some of his other scores for Lynch's films. Particularly the synthy Laura Palmer's Theme. Good fit, those two.

- The scene where both Laura's parents learn of her death at the same time, from opposite ends of the phone, was brilliant, with both construing what happened without being told a word.
In the event we vote to carry on with this, we will cover episode 2 on Monday. I know several of you volunteered, but Godsauce mentioned he had done some in-depth study of a couple Lynch films. A scholar of both Bill Keane and David Lynch! So, if you want it, next episode is yours Godsauce. If this week doesn't work for him, see you all again next Monday.

Also, I set up a Writeboard for Twin Peaks. Basically we can all access it and write/edit whatever we want on the document page. Favorite quotes, observations, jokes. Whatever. Could be a good way for everyone to share random thoughts that the main post authors can tack on to the end of each write-up? We'll see. Don't be shy!

Link: Twin Peaks discussion Writeboard
Password: enhance

From In Surprise Collaboration, Cardinals Hire Charlie Sheen

Hey Monsters! I write a satirical baseball blog called Bottom of the Fourth. I thought this post fit well with the Monsters' interests. Enjoy!

ST. LOUIS (Bottom of the Fourth) - Desperate for some good news after a tumultuous month that has seen stars Adam Wainwright and Matt Holliday go down with injuries, the St. Louis Cardinals have made a bold move and hired Charlie Sheen to liven up the clubhouse, among other things.

The Cardinals, widely expected before the season to contend for the NL Central crown, didn't start the season the way they hoped to, dropping two of three games to the Padres this weekend. GM John Mozeliak said that Sheen will help the team to stop "losing" and start "being victorious".

Sheen's official title remains unspecified at the moment, but his responsibilities are expected to include warming up the crowd, delivering a "third-inning rant", and closing.

Some pundits have criticized the move, noting Sheen's recently-revealed unique traits don't mesh with those of the Cardinals. CNN's Leslie Bank weighed in on the topic. "It's a well-established fact that Mr. Sheen a) is a warlock and b) has tiger blood. Neither of these attributes has anything to do with a small red bird. For example, warlocks and cardinals may share the faculty of flight, but that's about where the comparison ends."

Ms. Bank went on to point out that the nature of Sheen's blood makes him better suited to a position with the Detroit Tigers. Ironically, Detroit was the disastrous first stop on Sheen's Torpedo of Truth tour, where he was unceremoniously booed off the stage.

The Cardinals plan to use Sheen's superstar status to plan new promotions for the 2011 season. The traditional "Ladies' Night" will be replaced by "Goddess' Night", at which all women attending will be entered into a draw to "spend some quality time at a super 8" with Sheen. Jimmy Wei, the Cardinals' director of promotions, expects the prize to include "a nice dinner and maybe some pool time", but notes that Sheen was "adamant about the wording" and that "ultimately, it's up to him."

Some outside observers are amused by the obvious parallels between the Cardinals and Sheen. Aramis Ramirez of the division rival Chicago Cubs spoke to the media after the announcement, calling the Cardinals and Sheen "a super-train-wreck deserving of each other". The Cubs' right-fielder elaborated, saying "okay, it's like this. First the Cardinals train crashed with another train, making a train-wreck. Then the Charlie Sheen train crashed with a fourth train, making a second train-wreck. But the train-wrecks still had momentum toward each other, and weren't too far apart, so then they crashed and made a super-train-wreck. Was that not clear? It's pretty common in the Dominican Republic."

Sheen's Torpedo of Truth Tour, which has garnered unanimously negative reviews, is expected to continue with a modified itinerary based around the Cardinals' schedule. Sheen fans are already flocking to St. Louis, and experts believe that within 48 hours the city will eclipse Los Angeles, Miami and, of course, the entire state of New Jersey, as the "Douchiest Place in America".

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Get Fired Up: April '11

Hi Monsters! This is my first addition to "Here There Be Dragons" or some such nonsense. It's something I do regularly on my own blog, Enjoy or not. You can blame the other monsters who let me in.

I skipped April Fool's this year. COMPLETELY. Didn't prank anyone. I gave up pranks for Lent. It's a continuing tradition where I give up something I rarely do so I can feel better about myself. But what I could never give up is telling you what to watch, hear, and love this month.

Your Highness- April 8th- Danny McBride stars as a lazy prince who goes on a quest with his brother (James Franco) and a bow-wielding badass (Natalie Portman) to save his brother's bride. The Red Band Trailer had me cracking up. I've been a big fan of Danny McBride since I first saw him. I think he just gets me. And his frequent partner David Gordon Green gets a lot of love from Pineapple Express and Eastbound and Down, two of the funniest things of the last 5 years.
Also this month: Scream 4, Source Code, Hanna, Fast Five

Foo Fighters- Wasting Light-April 12th- I'm a huge Foo fan. And here they are again. I like "Rope" so far. If that's a taste of what's to come, we could be in for a return to form for Foo Fighters. It sounds like Grohl's time with Them Crooked Vultures has brought him back to RockTown where he was once mayor. And I can never not love them because they gave me "Everlong." Welcome back, keep saving the world by fighting Foo. Hear it now!
Also in your ears: Panda Bear's Tomboy, TV on the Radio's Nine Types of Light


The Killing, AMC- Sundays at 10pm- This show premiered last Sunday (I'm late!). But the first 2-hour episode was quite good. Created a nice atmosphere of spooky mystery. It's going to be compared a lot to the masterpiece that is Twin Peaks, but you can expect a little less kookiness and a little more Danishness. The show is a remake of a Danish show. It looks like it's going to be pretty strong and should be another example of AMC's creative dominance in basic cable.
Also this month: HBO's Game of Thrones, NBC's Friday Night Lights Season 5, Bravo's Top Chef Masters

It's a realllllly good month. Especially strong in TV. One thing I didn't mention, but would be remiss to not point out is that FX's crime show Justified is having probably the best season of any show this season and you should probably all watch it. You won't be completely lost if you start with this season. You'll miss some of the complexity in the relationships, but you'll still get one of the best hours of television you can imagine on basic cable. Timothy Olyphant just wins. It's something I could never give up for Lent. What are you looking forward to this month?

A Stupid Book to Never Read, by Super!

REALTALK: I read Christian fiction. Not all the time but enough to be a totally embarrassing point of interest.

More specifically, Christian romance novels. They mostly read like lighthearted lifetime movies about career gals who realize they secretly want to be married. Only also they pray about it, and the prayers are usually italicized.

My favorite author is Robin Jones Gunn. One time, I found a signed copy of one of her books at the friends of the library book sale. She had signed in orange glitter pen, which makes sense since these books are metaphorically written in glitter pen. $0.50. It made me tremendously happy and I couldn’t share it with anyone because then they’d know my secret shame. I also read Amish romance novels but that is a tale for another time.

So anyway I was poking around the religious books in a book store when I noticed a stack of some series that appeared to be about christian filmmakers or something. I couldn’t really tell because the back of the book was just a giant, marginless author photo.

So I bought it on abebooks and settled in to read it.

It turns out that book is INSANE and I literally threw it in the garbage rather than donate it.

The blurbs at the front of the book are incredibly grandiose statements about the life changing effects of reading these books. One woman says that this author should be in the bill of rights, which is a statement open to interpretation. Her name should be in it? All 40 of her novels should be in it?

It opens with page long letters to every member of her family and she has like 9 kids. Then, there's a section explaining something called “forever in fiction” which is where, for the price of $10,000 she will work the deceased person of your choice into one of her books as a memorial to them. 2 characters in this book are dead people who’s loved ones raised $10,000 so they could be in this stupid book!! I wish they hadn't told me that; it’s very creepy. Then the actual book is of course horrible. But not even fun horrible. The reason I buy Christian romance novels is because they are horrible in that abcfamilychannel “will this boy hold my hand?” kind of way. This is just THE WORST. Poorly written, nothing happens, and I can't separate the reading experience from the deeply unsettling knowledge that grief has lead people to throw away so much money on a piece of garbage. YOU CAN NEVER BE IN THE BILL OF RIGHTS KAREN KINGSBURY. LIKE THAT IS EVEN A THING. YOU CAN’T JUST PAY $10,000 TO BE IN WHATEVER DOCUMENT YOU WANT.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Press A to Win!: Dragon Age 2


[Just a quick note: Hi everyone! I was struggling with coming up for an idea of how to contribute to MOBFD. I toyed with sharing my artwork, but I'm just not that boastful. I thought about writing about design, and even I said "UGH!" at the thought. But upon playing/talking about Pokémon Black and Dragon Age II, I think there might be enough interest in videogames for people to hold an interest in an article about videogames. So here it is! Press A to Win!]

One hundred and twenty hours, plus. That's five full days. A work week, and then the drinking afterward. It's 7200 minutes, about the time it takes for you to get your arm stuck under a rock and then cut yourself free off (but, you know, I'm bad at estimates). It's also incidentally the amount of time I spent playing Dragon Age: Origins.

I'm not bragging or trying to show how iBig my eDick is, but I really enjoyed Dragon Age: Origins. Enough to play it more than two times. There was a certain draw of the (finally NOT Lord of the Rings) high fantasy – dragons and mages and swords and dwarves – that I just fell in love with. It was fully engrossing, and I became frightfully lost in Dragon Age's world.

So this spring, Dragon Age II was released. Naturally, I played it.

Baby Friday's Safari Planet: Interactive Edition!

Have you been searching for a way to get involved with Baby Friday's Safari Planet? Well, here's your chance! A great Atlanta rescue organization has partnered up with Groupon, and for just $10 you can help them save the lives of unwanted and abused animals in a city notorious for putting an average of 210 animals down each day in its shelters. What's $10, right? It's not even enough for a pizza! So you can either buy half of a pizza, and sit there with your sad little pizza portion, wishing that somehow the pizza could save cats and dogs in need of good homes, or you can make that $10 work for you! As an added bonus, that $10 becomes $20 through the magic of Groupon.

I'll admit--I have a vested interest in this group. They were the ones who rescued my sweet dog Girl One (pictured above) from a dogfighting neighborhood. She was delivered from a life of ducking under cars with her two puppies, scavenging for food. The kids in this neighborhood would lure her over with food and then hit her with rocks and sticks. Now she feels safe and loved all of the time in her warm home where she is queen of the manor. But I can't help but think of the other dogs like Mimi that have yet to be saved.

Almost all of the staff of this group is volunteer. These are just people who love animals and their goal is to save "just one more". If you can help it would mean a lot to me, a lot to them, and more than you could ever imagine to an animal in need.

click here to help!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Monster Fit Club: MyFitnessPal List

Here is a list of all the Monsters on Connect and lose weight!

Anchor Management - Anchor_Management
Baby Friday - BabyFriday
McEllen - mcellen
RandiLu - RandiLu25
Shellbomber - mmd309
The Narrator - The_Narrator__
Thisismynightmare -Thisismynightmare

Tweet me @dismynightmare or comment if you want to be added to the list!

Monster Fit Club: Week 14

Let's not mess around today. Time to weigh in, folks!

R.I.P. Your Productivity

Hi there everybody! Just as a notice, from this week on, the amount of stuff we will be posting in this column may be a little lighter. It is because we are already facing a shortage of stuff to post and it is definitely not because we wait till the last moment to write these because we don't do that. Why are you complaining? Some children in Africa only get one cat gif a week. Appreciate what you have. Now go do your homework. Which is reading the rest of this. You are making great progress!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Twin Peaks: Intro

Seeing as this series combines three things I love (the Pacific Northwest, David Lynch, and short-lived television shows), it's kind of strange I have yet to see an episode. But now it's on Netflix Instant, so what better chance to sit down, watch this together as a family, and then caption screencaps of it the next day?

Godsauce Alters This Week's Family Circus

This alteration was chosen by Scotchka out of a couple of versions I made. Over the course of the week, I have grown to really like it, but my favorite of the week was made by Constantinople, and is after the jump...