Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Bonus alterations of yesterday's Hagar The Horrible and Momma after the jump.

MLIT: Mr. Cullen Goes To Washington

Sooner or later, someone is going to have the good sense to read Breaking Dawn chapter 18 on the floor of the House of Representatives.

BD chapter 18 is the chapter in which (SPOILER ALERT) a hugely pregnant and dying Bella Cullen (nee Swan) gives birth to a healthy paranormal baby. It is a grotesquely gory scene, full of vomited blood and broken bones (a full breakdown of which will be posted on my blog in a day or two). Bella's body is crushed and torn to rags and in the end, she dies. She comes back as a vampire, but for a while she's just a dead pile of skin and blood and splintered bones.

In this sense, Bella is exactly the kind of wife Republicans seem to want; they so actively devalue the life of the mother over the lives of children that this scene, in which Edward bites open his wife's stomach to save the life of his child, should represent some kind of twisted Platonic ideal. Before this, Bella rather nobly eschews her own health for the sake of the baby at every turn, and prepares to die in order for it to live. This is outrageous to Jacob who is, obviously, a minority.

No Paparazzo-O: B I N G O

There have been a few celebrity sightings in the last several months that I've been reluctant to share with you Monsters, because the very thought of having to confront the MASSIVE FAILURE (a culturally divisive opinion, I'm sure) that was JJ Abrams' Lost has been somewhat crippling, to say the least. I WANT THOSE SIX YEARS OF MY LIFE BACK! But this isn't about me. This is about YOU, and how much you care about celebrities. So let's do this...

Dusky Panther's Saturday Morning Cartoon

Dusky Panther loves cartoons. Above all, he loves re-cutting cartoons.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Monster Movie Club: King's Speech

This was the most pleasant movie I've seen in a while. If it was on TV while I was channel surfing I'd leave it on just so I wouldn't hurt it's feelings. Great people worked on this film. I absolutely admire all these people, but much like a taco with great ingredients and  no flavor, this film is very bland.
One thing I did enjoy about the film is that it did not try to bite more than it could politely chew. The only time they address the cult of personality that comes with world leaders, they stay away from heavy-handed commentary. No need to be reminded that Hitler was not a nice, pleasant fellow. No need to question the public's admiration of the monarchy. Sure you could do these, but that could easily go wrong.
Nice rating: A- Overall Rating C+

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE PLEASANT THINGS, I just did not feel moved by the film in any way. In fact here's a list of nice things that I love:

Concert Addict's Weekly Unused gif Round-Up

Sadly, this week there were no new episode of SNL, Glee, or our Thursday Night shows. So this will be a shorter edition of the gif Round-Up. Next week, everything but Thursday night is new: SNL with Miley Cyrus & the Strokes, Ricky Gervais & Stephen Merchant on The Simpsons, and Gwyneth returns to Glee with Prince songs! Until then, enjoy these gifs.

These gifs were "found" all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

I'd Literally Hit That: Vincent Kartheiser

So, when Gatsby mentions “wedding his dream” to Daisy’s “perishable breath,” what we are really talking about here is a risk/reward scenario. I mean, sure, he could climb that “ladder to the stars,” but he would have to do it alone, and what is life worth without human connection? I mean, look kids, it’s like mystery dump. You have to— Oh hi, there. Come right on in. You’ll have to excuse me, I was just finishing up a lesson. Um, that’s good for today class. 500 words on Team Mystery Butt by tomorrow. Cite your sources please and SHOW, DON’T TELL!!!

Ahhhh, so I see you come back for another installment of I’d Literally Hit That. Been a while, no? Perhaps you’ve been feenin out a bit? Perhaps you’ve made some life choices you are not proud of since we last met? Perhaps you've done some morning interviews you regret and said some ridiculous things on live television about how you are a Vatican assassin imbued with tiger blood? Hmmmmmm? Well, don’t worry. I got your fix.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Sorry for the tardy submission.

Legends of Note: Radiohead

It’s a little daunting to pick one Radiohead album to write about. I have a special place in my heart for each one, as each seems to encapsulate a certain moment in my life. The stretch from “The Bends” up to “Kid A/Amnesiac” surely impacted my conception of not only the album as a format, but of rock music as a whole. I am very grateful for these records, and have very much enjoyed everything Radiohead has released since, but I don’t want to write about any of these.

Radiohead, like many bands I adore, suffer from a unique “problem:” in fashioning records of concept, many great songs are relegated to b-side status, formerly often only available on expensive import CD singles, now easy enough to download en masse. Radiohead’s b-side output is staggeringly solid, and rather than dive into any one record, here are, in my opinion, the 10 best b-sides Radiohead has released. In some ways, these songs outshine the “proper” albums, and help define Radiohead in ways often overlooked.

10) “Fog” (Amnesiac b-side): It’s easy to see why this didn’t fit either “Kid A” or “Amnesiac,” certainly more whimsical and sparse than either record could really allow. Originally a piano ballad named “Alligators in New York Sewers,” “Fog” drops the piano and builds the tune around mild percussion and bass, with some great guitar lifting up the end. I’ve always felt there is something sweet about this song, a brief moment of pop clarity within Radiohead’s most obtuse period. And, like most great Radiohead songs, it sounds like nothing else in their catalog, but couldn’t be written by any other band.

Taking One for the TV: Teen Mom 2 - Episode 8

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Mad Men, Community, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst.



Today, I am spotlighting Teen Mom 2. Now, I know we are coming into this stuff mid-season, so I will try to give you a little background!

I got #Hazed: A Monster Takes One For The Team

When a native son returns home to glory, he is typically graced with a hero's welcome. And there was no return more victorious than superstar wordsmith Chet Haze.

LBT's Generic Book Corner: Scorch Atlas

"Little Bobby Tables," you might be exclaiming to yourselves right about now, "it has been so long! Where have you been? We assumed you had been crushed by a pile of old newspapers in your apartment!" You would be justified in that exclamation, too, as I have been a terrible Virgil to you all, my young Dantes. And no one feels more mildly distraught or hungry about this than I. No one.

Gettin' Anchory: Suffering the artists for our art

Welcome to Getting’ Anchory, a semi-regular feature where Anchor Management (see what he did there?) rants about the aspects of popular culture that get him riled up, to appease the demon monkeys that live in his head. Also, to make fart jokes.

Jonny Craig, who is blessed with the voice of a drunken angry angel, is the front man of Dance Gavin Dance, Emarosa and has a solo album out. Although you’ve never heard of him, you should. Go YouTube it, I’ll wait. Last week it came to light that Jonny Craig has been offering fans Macbooks via his Twitter account, but never delivering on the computers. Although the exact number is unknown, over twenty fans have claimed it had happened to them with proof. This fanned the flames of discussion between fans. Does Jonny’s scamming mean they should never listen to his work again? Or do they give him support, no matter what he does? Now this is nothing new for Jonny, who had been kicked out of DGD before because of his problems with drugs. But since he has the best voice this side of Michael Jackson (deal with it), they took him back in, hoping to recapture their early sound and success after much internal struggles within the band. He promised he had bettered his life and fans wanted to believe him. Just a few days ago the record company, a week away from his band’s album release, has issued a statement he would go into rehab and all the duped fans would get their money back. Instead of a glorious return to form, the band would have to settle for touring without their front man and getting all the press they didn’t want.

MONSTER JUKEBOX Stat Roundup

HEYYY GUYS
So it's been an interesting few weeks for ole DS; I have had almost NO TIME (interest) in dealing with servers, files, life, etc.

But MUSIC! It Makes The People. Do Something Something, you get it

We have had some great contributions thus far, and with ~15GB and counting in Monster additions, Horizons are being broadened, Bandwidth limits are being tested on DS's isp, etc, etc.
I contemplated turning off DL and UL priv, but it seems like use has tapered a bit anyway.
BUT - THE STATS
Why we are here -
More specifically, who is here?

Godsauce Alters Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

After taking a note from my friend, Alec, about joking the joke, I have decided to resubmit this earlier entry with revisions...

Thank you for your time. Today's new GATFC can be found in the post below.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Baby Friday's Safari Planet: Visual Aid Edition

Anyone who knows me knows that I get pretty weird around animals. I thought I’d blog about it, for your amusement. Here is another one of my encounters with a random animal. Last time here on Safari Planet, one of my adoring fans called for pictures. So, since I'm feeling lazy, this will be an all-visual edition of Safari Planet (with explanatory captions, obvi). This is Handsomedog, star of the last post. He's very handsome, so you may not want to look directly at him. It's like looking at the sun.

Gums of Our Lives: Episode 14

This was the second time in the last two hours that Briadru4 and Thisismynightmare found themselves being forcibly taken to a destination that they had not intended to go to. In this instance they were being dragged along the ground in a large rope net; a considerable step down from the relatively luxurious rape van. Briadru4 began to take stock of the situation. They were most definitely trapped. Even if their captors stopped to take a rest they would still have the several hundred pound rope net to contend with, not to mention the fact that those aforementioned captors seemed remarkably comfortable with pulling two squirming women along the forest floor, even despite their handicap of having no opposable thumbs. Resigning herself to dealing with their situation when they reached their destination, she tried to wiggle herself into a comfortable wedge.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

The Great Taco Hunt: 2011: Part 2: Zapatista

Zapatista

DS3M

First of all, the maitre'd' working the front was a jerk.  When I placed the order via phone, he hung up on me all quick, and as I asked him how long for the food order to be ready, I'm hearing Dial Tone. 20 minutes later, I go to pick up our food, and it's been cooling there ten minutes! WTF CUH?!?

A brief word about the MOBFD Tumblr

I just made this 'cuz it looks cool, really.

So I made a MOBFD Tumblr. It's just a couple of media snippets linking back to this blog. This is where the magic happens, so don't feel like you are missing out if you don't follow the tumblr. I will only be updating it twice a week so people with tumblrs and without twitters can get a sense of what is going on.  However, if you want to spread the word by re-blogging a post or two, that would be solid.

Pinkgum Alert: Change in Coordinator's Plans

As some of you Pinkgummers may know, I recently received a scholarship to study abroad in Spain this summer for a month. For weeks I thought that the month in question would be July, so the Pinkgum trip was scheduled for June. You're smart Monsters--you've probably figured out by the mere fact that I'm starting the post this way that there has been a change. Turns out that the month I will be abroad will be...June. I do so sincerely hope that either no one has made their travel plans yet or that another coordinator can take over so that everyone can still go. Except Baby Friday. :( Ideally, we could switch it to July, but you've all been so patient with the changes so far that I don't want to tax your good natures. All brilliant, trip-saving ideas in the comments, please.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Click here for more information on MBPS or visit your local library.

Monster Fit Club: Week Nine

What a week! I am so tired! I just started a new job and I have some crazy hours, but it means I have more daytime hours...TO NAP! Today I took my first nap since college, and it was really nice. But enough about naps, Let's weigh in!

I'd Knit That: Harry Potter

For this feature, I will explore different movie/tv/webjunk items that I would knit. Do you want excellent ideas for something to write for MOBFD? Come to chat. It's a damn good idea factory in there that is running 24 hours a day.

Have any of you guys seen Harry Potter? I know it's kind of obscure, but it's this whole series of movies that follows a gang of young witches and warlocks as they have hijinks at a boarding school (basically). Since nerds will be nerds, some knitting nerds have reverse engineered every single knit thing and even created knit versions of non-knit thing ever seen in any of the 7.5 HP movies.

R.I.P. Your Productivity: The Post That Launched A Thousand Unemployments

 Hello everybody! Welcome to the first official post of R.I.P. Your Productivity (see first semi-official post here). I am going to make sure that you never work again (Note: this is a lie) by providing you with entertainment, information and other bitlets. Let's do it (TWSS)!

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

MONSTER FANTASY BASEBALL LEAGUE

Do you like Baseball?!? Do you have FANTASIES?!??

"I like baseball, AND I have fantasies!" -everyone

Good news!

Introducing the first ever Monster Fantasy Baseball League!

Here are the deetz: Right now there are 10 teams. If need be I can increase that number to 20. If you would be interested in joining, or have any questions about the league, please send an email to mfburghoff@gmail.com and I will send you an invite. This is a first come first serve basis so get on it! Also, this is a FREE league!! Overall this should be a lot of fun. Who doesn't like a little friendly competition?

P.S. You are all going down.

P.S.S.

Just the Tip- Star Studded

Hello again, It's time for (the elusive) Just the Tip.

This video has so many stars, so many heavy hitters promoting some rando local morning news show, I just can't deal. In the spirit of the Oscars, I bring you:








Remember, don't let those unposted videgum tips go to waste. Send them to me.

Hater’s Guide to the 83rd Academy Awards

Tonight, as you may be aware, the 83^rd Academy Awards ceremony will be taking place in Hollywood, California. The Academy Awards, commonly referred to as “The Oscars,” are sort of like the Grammys but for movies. Every year a bunch of celebrities and industry types dress up in rented clothing and jewelry #literally chosen for them by Rachael Zoe, sit in a large auditorium, and masturbate their egos for 12 to 18 hours. Every couple of hours someone is given an award for excellence or other favorable trait then they go do something fancy afterward. It is a very exciting time! Millions of uninteresting people who live their lives vicariously through celebrities will be watching so you probably should too in order to keep your water cooler banter sharp this week.

There really isn’t even one aspect of this thing NOT to hate. Since you likely need no help, I present here only a very small fraction of the reasons you’ll be hate watching.

I Like Music: My Friend Wallis

Hi everyone! As you can tell by the title of this post, I like music, and I'm assuming you guys do as well. So, if I find a new band during my vast e-travels that I think you might like, I'll share it with you! Now doesn't that sound nice. So anyways, My Friend Wallis. For my first post (GEEZ THIS IS MORE PRESSURE THAN I THOUGHT), I thought it would be good to start with a band from my hometown (sort of), good old Victoria. This band makes upbeat, energetic dream pop with a definite summery (word?) feel to it. For example:

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus