Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Getting’ Anchory: Getting’ in shape – Monster Fit Club tie-in

As I have lost over 50 pounds since this week and am celebrating my first anniversary as a Monster in March, I deemed it time to write this post. It’s going to be ridiculously personal, possibly painful and hopefully funny at times. Plus, I promised thisismynightmare, so there is no weaseling my way out of this one.

First off, yes, this is the story of how I lost as lot of weight. But let us not forget that there were over 50 pounds to lose. How did it get to that point? I’ll try to give you the short summary. I have never been a skinny kid. Now, I wasn’t really a fat kid, but I was a chubby kid and here in Holland they are interchangeable. Also everyone is crazy tall here, but that’s besides the point. If I was living in Wisconsin I would be a running back (sorry, dairy state). Not that I got picked on – I’m frickin’ adorable- but I did get the occasional comment that would stick with me. That trend continued throughout high school, where I didn’t really was in that bad of a shape physically, but mentally already wearing down. It only got worse in college, when I got less exercise, went to more parties, doing my own shopping, etc. While I was an overly self-conscious chubby kid in high school, I became what I had always dreaded: a fat guy. The problem was I had subconsciously accepted my weight, even though I absolutely hated the way I looked. I can even recall searching for shorts and finding the large sizes section and instead of seeing it as a wake-up call, I actually thought it could come in handy “if I got any bigger”. Oh hi, the obvious staring me in the face!

Beariffying Edits Garfield!

My turn!

I heard one time, Fartfield pooped an entire lasagna.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

I decided to take another stab at today's entry after Mans cheered me up with a few songs. Good night!

Dusky Panther's Saturday Morning Cartoon

Get out those onesies! It's time for a cartoon!



"Ladies and gentlemen, if I say I am smarter than the average oil man, I think you will agree!"

Next Week: Superpowers are for closers...

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

I'm sure that many of my friends could make this comic funny, but I failed to do so. I am clearly not good enough and should die in a fire.

Friday Night Jam!

It's Friday and you know what that means: Friday Night Jam Encore!

Via Jana1982
Previously: Just the Tip- karaoke request edition
PS. Friday nights are a good time to jump into chat.

Just the Tip- karaoke request edition

Our favorite shirtless, karaoke loving, video dater still hasn't found love (probably?) although he just might have won me over with his rendition of our favorite song:








Stay shirtless, buddy.

You too can share the rejected tip glory! If it doesn't make it onto videogum, send it here.

Monster Meetup @ SXSW

Howdy Monsters!!!

I, JD, with many others will be descend upon Austin next week, along with several other annoying media types and hanger-ons, to attend SXSW in the Lone Star State. Many tacos will be had I imagine, at least on my part. But really, let's get down to business. Meetup!!!!

Concert Addict's Weekly gif Round-Up

Sadly, this week there were no new episode of our Thursday Night shows. But next week everything is new. I saw an advanced screener of The Harvest Festival Episode of Parks & Rec and I can't wait to see the giggling Ron Swanson gifs next week. Until then, enjoy these gifs.

These images were found all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

MTT: You guys watch Fringe?

Jesus fucking Christ I know. I know I'm way late. You'd think a guy with a time machine would have no problem with deadlines. Well, you would be right.... on your way to being a dick. Not a lot of story on this one. This is simply a collection of very very expensive photos and paintings that I have featuring a particularly invasive monster. If you, like me, are obsessed with the show Fringe (FOX Fridays @ 9) than you will be aware of the concept of The Observer. If you are not aware of that concept may I suggest that you dedicate the next 46 hours to your television, Olivia, Walter, and Peter.

For the uninitiated, The Observer is a timeless being that happens to show up at memorable events through out history. He (usually) does not effect these moments, he simply observes. Hence the name. Franklloydwrong is not an observer. He is similar. While he is timeless and he does show up through out history, he tries very very hard to effect these moments. Well, not the moments themselves but the documenting of those moments. You see, FLW hates cameras, camerapeople, and painters. He is 1/4 Aboriginal and therefore believes that capturing your image captures your soul. But he only one quarter beliefs that. The other three quarters just likes to ruin other peoples photos.

So without further ado, some of my personal collection of the un-doctored originals of famous photos featuring the world's first photobomber Frank Lloyd Wrong.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Monster March Madness Challenge

Do you guys like Collegiate athletics? Do you like Basketballs? Do you like filling out forms at random? Do you like to gamble with no stakes whatsoever? Do you like to enter stuff? Well, enter the Monster March Madness challenge at ESPN already.

UGH Aficionado: Carnival

What up, Monsters? I’m Polterjane and I’m here to talk about Carnival. I live in Brazil, and this week was Carnival week.

Brazilian carnival is very famous around the world. I’m sure it’s one of the first things that pops into people’s minds when I say Brazil, along with prostitutes, Gisele Bündchen and caipirinhas.

So in case you aren’t familiar with it (I’m very jealous of you), in a nutshell, it goes like this: A whole week where everything but hospitals and drug stores are shut down so people can jump around on streets while drinking, dancing and fornicating with strangers. It’s great (no, it isn’t)!

They don’t even care if it’s raining. They WANT to get sick on Carnival, if it can’t be an STD it has to be at least pneumonia.

Also something that should be noted: if you live in Brazil, you can’t escape Carnival. If you go out, you will see giant ass trucks and assholes in costumes jumping around to horrible sounding music while people throw condoms and water at them (some people call it parades. I call it conglomeration of assholes and douchebags). If you’re in a car, good luck arriving anywhere when all the streets are closed for said assholes. If you’re in your house, good luck NOT listening to the sounds of people enjoying themselves way too much.

And since it’s basically impossible to escape it, the only other option is to join in. If you like horrible music and ugly people, you have a certain parade you can go to. If you like naked women, alcohol, men being gross and WTF moments, you have everywhere you can go to.

This Cannot End Well Part 2

Just a normal Chet Haze follower (click to enlarge)

Last month I showed you a retweet by Chet from a person who only follows Mr. Haze & Howard Stern. At the time I kind of felt sorry for his lack of awareness. But now I'm kind of jealous;
I would love to live in a world were a pretty girl in a bikini would devote her entire account just to tell me how awesome I am.

Tales from The Chat

Unfortunately I can't chat as much as I once did so I decided to post this question here:

 What's your weirdest boner?

 

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

A bonus Spider-Man for Zachary Little after the jump...

#tweenrap

I've got 99 Pokemon but Onix ain't one.  - Fozzy

Purple Stuff and Juice  - Teacherman

Baby Got Backpack  - Lawblog

Move Mom! Get out my room! Get out my room, Mom! Get out my room!  - Frank Lloyd Wrong 

Bikin' down the street, eatin' Twizzlers, sippin' on Mountain Dew / Got my mind on my homework and my homework on my mind - Teacherman

We can sext in the premiere screening of Twilight, cuz you know it got sold out  - Ian

I've got a girlfriend (I've got a giiiiirlfriend) in a different area code. (area) Code. (code)  #BandNerdRap - Lawblog

lick lick lick lick me like a ring pop, what's that  - Ian

Kraft Rules Everything Around Me  - Lawblog

No one Tween should have all that glower.  - Frank Lloyd Wrong 

Wakeup Wakeup. It's the first day of class. Get up Get up. - Lawblog

No one teacher should give me all those hours  - Teacherman

No one class should take all that hour.  - BabyFriday

Ride to the Pizza Hut. Ride to the Taco Bell. I need a ride to Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.  - Frank Lloyd Wrong 

All of the phones -- iPhones, smart phones, droid phones, in my home, when I roam!  - Teacherman

Who's House? Dad's House.  - Frank Lloyd Wrong 

When you get an assignment / And you don't wanna write it / What cha gon do? / Ghost write it  - Teacherman

Today I didn't even have to use my TI-89. Today was a good day. - Fozzy

Gonna keep on tryin' to get a girl to touch it/ My left hand ain't enough to fuck with.  #poorhornyteenboys - BabyFriday

I once held hands in a Burger King dining room.  - Mounty

Spilled something on my sweater already/ Mom's spaghetti - BabyFriday

Gums of Our Lives: Episode 15

This is the penultimate episode of Gums of Our Lives: Season 1

Blinking as the sunlight hit their eyes, Dr. Principal Enchman, Sergeant Duncan, and Agents Huckabeast and Cakeordeath emerged from the tunnel into a parking lot. If it weren’t for the rubble and debris covering them, you would have no idea that they were just in a giant explosion. Also their hair was singed. So actually you’d probably assume they were in an explosion. What I mean was that there was no smoke or anything coming from the exit. Because it was so far underground. But also the walls were so strong there was no internal damage to the building. In fact, they were over a block away from The Agency headquarters. How is this relevant? You’ll find out in a second.

An amusing image from the internet

Taking One for the TV: Teen Mom 2 S01E09

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Mad Men, Community, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst. I watch bad TV so you don't have to!

Rock and Sock and Robot #87

Godsauce, I give you full permission to alter this any time you like. Also Spider-Man! Have you done Spider-Man yet?

I'd Knit That: Adorable Star Wars

For this feature, I will explore different movie/tv/webjunk items that I would knit.

Well, good morning! Are you all feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed? Are your fingers nice and limber? Good! Let's get to it. We're all nerds, here, right? I just want to go ahead and get that out of the way at the onset so that some jocks or preps don't feel like they're in over their heads. "I'd Knit That" is inherently a nerdy feature, if only because the people who are writing the patterns for movie/tv/webjunk items are nerds in the most earnest (and best) sense of the word. Anyone who is willing to watch something with such an eye for detail and then create something from that (something that is, essentially, just using geometry to tie an elaborate knot) is a-okay in my book. I know I already kind of went over this in the Harry Potter post, but it seriously never ceases to amaze me.

So this week I am going to be covering the adorable Star Wars knits that are on ravelry.com. Star Wars nerds are a very particular brand of nerds, and Star Wars has cross-generational appeal which makes it perfect for adults who want to knit something for a kid that they both will enjoy. Adult nerds LOVE dressing their little bourgeoning child nerds in costume. Is that a fair generalization? Maybe not. Anyway it doesn't matter, because look at how adorable this is!

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

A bonus Fred Basset after the jump...

The Problem With Door Hats

So, Baby Friday and I recently went to go see The Adjustment Bureau and guess what? IT WAS PRETTY GOOD! LIKE, IT WASN’T THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER, OR EVEN THE BEST MOVIE I’VE SEEN IN THE PAST MONTH (TRUE GRIT) BUT IT WAS A TOTALLY SERVICEABLE WAY TO SPEND A COUPLE OF HOURS!!! You guys should go see it. Or don’t. Who do I look like, your dad?

An amusing image from the internet

This is a new feature in which I will occasionally post an amusing image from the internet without respect to the context of its origin.

Foodin' With Lawblog

So, for our first installment of Foodin’ With Lawblog, I thought it would be neato to go through some advice, both broad and specific, about cooking. A ten commandments, if you will. But more like ten strong suggestions. I’m not pushy like some people *cough* Moses *cough*.
But first: “Who are you and why should we listen to you?” Fair enough. I’m just a regular dude who really loves food and really loves cooking. I am not a professional food writer. I am not a chef. (Also, let me just first say something about the difference between chefs and cooks. A cook is someone who cooks. Durr. A chef is a leader of cooks. So, until you run a kitchen of cooks, you are not a chef.) These are just some things I’ve picked up whilst making and eating lots of food. Enjoy!
1) Get proficient with your knife.

Mr. Adventureman Alters July 22nd, 2005's Garfield

FUN FACT: When people are possessed, they speak in Bremen Bd BT. Neat!
I am 99% sure that I have been going way overboard with occult type stuff, so next time expect something else.

A Cooking Column

So, due to popular request, I have decided to write a column about cooking. I am not a professional by any stretch of the imagination, but I love food, I cook a lot, and I think it's important to connect with what you eat. What better way than by cooking?

I love cooking. It's fun, delicious, rewarding, healthy (usually), and can totally get you laid. It is, however, very intimidating to get started. That is why I have decided to write said column. To try to make it less scary. What I would like to know is what people would like me to share my advice about? Do people want shopping tips? Knife skills? General cooking advice? Recipes? Cooking veggies? Fish? Meat? Whatever you want I will write about to the best of my knowledge. So, ask away in the comments!

GOTH PARTY #1 - Light and Day

Last night, I thought I had ghosts in my apartment. The flickering of lights and the wind howling led me to believe that the spirit of someone was trying to disturb my Monday ritual of internet shopping and tweeting obscure Gossip Girl references. I got all set for a seance. I dressed in my best black garb, set my makeup gun to "heavy Momsen" and lit some candles (apple scented).

I went to turn off the flickering lights and realized "Crap, these bulbs are just cracked." I go check every lighting fixture in my apartment that had the same type of bulbs. Yup, all of the bulbs had little cracks in them. So I unscrewed all the lightbulbs and replaced them with new ones. (Pro-Tip: Do not buy off-brand incandescent light bulbs from bodegas)

I was already dressed and looking like Kat Von D in the face so I got into chat and prepared myself for a good old fashioned GOTH PARTY!!!!!!

Dafs Alters B.C.

In a startling show of originality, I decided to get in on this altering business, at least until Johnny Hart tries to sue me into submission. I'm not too worried. I did not alter the art in this first panel at all.

And the sequel, B.C.2:B.C.er:

A thought occurs to me. For a comic whose title means Before Christ, they sure talk a lot about Jesus.

Insomniac with The Narrator

Let me begin this by saying there are a few things you need to know about me to understand this post. Much like my name sake I have trouble sleeping. I am a (self-diagnosed) insomniac. To be more specific, I have onset insomnia and if you didn’t guess by the name it means that I have trouble falling to sleep. I know what you’re thinking, get more exercise and chew some valerian root. Well, Edward Norton didn’t take that advice and neither will I.



After putting Thisismynightmare and Thisismydoggy to sleep, The Dogrator and I return to the living room to see what adventures we can have while the rest of the monster community is lying in bed dreaming of Topher Grace. Generally speaking, I spend a lot of time watching bad movies on instant Netflix, playing videogames and searching the internet. The thing about having insomnia is that the time you spend is hardly productive. My mind isn’t very sharp so trying to finish the Master’s thesis that I’ve been working on isn’t really going to happen.



So if you will come on this adventure with me, this is a night in the life of The Narrator.

Mr. Adventureman Alters Someday's Garfield

What can I say? Godsauce inspired me. Also, that blood is supposed to be red but for some reason it wouldn't work in photoshop.

Caption Quest

Just for fun. I might do this again if I get get the inspiration and people enjoy it.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

A bonus Garfield for Mr. Adventureman after the jump...

Godsauce Alters Get Fuzzy for RejectedJeffDunahmPuppet Instead of Studying for His Biology Exam Tomorrow

Monster Fit Club: Week Ten

I continue into this week being so tired, you guys. I forgot to prep this post last night, and then I overslept today. Now, I have to go to work in a few hours, and I don't really have anything planned to talk about this week. I am going to be honest with you, I am winging it today. I am sure none of you care though! So let's weigh-in!!!!

Godsauce Alters Cathy for thisismynightmare

My original plan had been to find a strip about food or bathing suits and replace Cathy with a skinny model in all of the panels, but I couldn't easily find one where I could make that work. This one just wrote itself, and I believe that the laziest path is often the best one.



For more Cathy alterations visit this blog.

R.I.P. Your Productivity: Hey Y'all!

 Hi everyone! Welcome to the better half of this column, MINE! But before I throw your productivity to the fishes, perhaps you would like to know what it ever did to me. You see, my productivity makes me do things that suck, and I can assume that this is the same for you. So, being your friend (NOT A CREEPY STALKER LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW), I just want to make you happy, and this is a good way to do it. Alright, let's MOTHERFUCKING PROCRASTINATE! 

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

Bonus alterations of Baby Blues and Beetle Bailey after the jump.

Godsauce Alters Broom Hilda in a Weirdly Specific Way for thekelburrows

I'll see what I can do with Cathy tomorrow, thisismynightmare.

Commercials that Annoy Me - Old Navy Mannequins

Hi, hello, how are you? I realize this is Godsauce's column (please don't sue me I don't even have any money) but he said he wouldn't be doing it past the first one, partially because he "just [hadn't] been watching enough television". I, on the other hand, watch television way too much and have slowly built up incredible amounts of hatred towards commercials over the years. (Does this opening feel a bit passive aggressive to anyone? It's not meant to if it does.) However, there will be a big difference between what I am doing and what he did. While his post was well thought out and featured a commercial that truly deserved to be ridiculed thanks to an almost offensively poor John Lennon impersonator, I will use this as a place to funnel my blind rage of commercials, which, to be completely honest, will be probably pretty unfounded most of the time. Anyways, here it is.

Godsauce Alters Today's Fred Basset for Mtnsbeyondmtns

I take requests.

I'd Hit That: Viral Video Nominations

The next edition of "I'd Hit That" is going to feature a top five countdown of the most bangable viral video stars. This leads me to the question: Who are the hottest viral video stars, you guys?! Antoine Dodson? (Um...NO!)



I am taking nominations now, so leave your suggestions in the comments, and I will count them down!