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Monday, February 21, 2011

Welcome to the Hater's Guide

One of the greatest.

What up, MOBDF? I’ve wanted to write a column for you guys to laugh at for a while but in all honesty I felt I had nothing to offer. Naturally, this sparked within me an existential crisis. A crisis affecting me so wholly that it led me on a journey in which I sought to rediscover what, if anything, made me great. I spent many weeks alone, far removed from human contact with nothing but rain water for nourishment and I have now returned from the wild reborn as a shining beacon of light in this dark, dark world.

Nah, just kidding, I got drunk alone in a hotel room one night and decided, “Haters gonna hate so Imma be me!”

So here I am. My name is West and I am a hater!

I don’t waste my time trying express love or admiration for anything since it is just too much of a bother. Instead, I aim to tear everything down until it exists on my level, the festering sewer of depression, sweat, and alcohol that exists beneath the foundation of normal society. I guess you could say I dwell in some sort of social sewer slowly eroding the pillars of normal society with the gentle lapping of its pissy waves.

You see, throughout the course of human history, artists and dreamers have spent their entire lives trying to perfectly capture but even one nanosecond of the beauty that is this world. I dunno about you guys but my mind is disgustingly inept at comprehending Glee, let alone the world. I could spend the rest of my life contemplating a single square foot parcel of land and still not express its intricacies in any way befitting its grandeur. So I say, “Fuck it! Fuck you, world! I can’t enjoy you so I will hate you.”

I know most of you don’t have the free time I do to put into hating but don’t fret for I am here to help. I am going to condense all your hating needs into handy guides. Print them out and hang them on your fridge. Laminate a wallet copy. Do whatever you want to do with the guides. It is up to you. 

Some upcoming guides will include A Hater’s Guide to the 83rd Academy Awards, A Hater Sports Fan’s Guide to Spring Sports (R.I.P. Football), Hater’s Guide to President’s Day, so on and so forth. If there is anything special you want me to hate on or if you would like to express your hatred for me, tell me at, get @ me @_wwwest or leave a pithy comment. (Thanks guys!)


  1. DAMN! Beat me to my blog idea! I am very excite to see this

  2. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!! I love(?) hating on things!

  3. Yay for hatred! Please do the Grammys. Everyone seems to think that by giving the Grammy to Arcarde Fire either they've redeemed themselves or lost their cred, with are both totally ridiculous statements. They gave the Award to the most populair alternative act to gain street cred(for what isn't even their best album), even though they already SHOULD be a household name and won the Grammy two years ago. Not only that, most of the performances are by people like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, not Titus Andronicus or Beach House to name a few acts. And lest us forget Train won a Grammy, so there's that.

    And the Big Bang Theory. Social ineptitude is not funny and making fun of those people is fucking messed up. High school is over, stop making fun of nerds!