This is the response I want to make to the arguments on Videogum. I'm sorry to clog up this lovely and hilarious blog with this, but I feel like I have to say this, and I feel like saying anything on Vgum right now will only perpetuate the idea that I'm somehow the face of this whole argument. And that was never what I meant. So here is my response, it all its glory. If it works for you, great. If not, scroll down, there's comedy to be had.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Top 10 Diseases I Thought I Had At Some Point In 2010
I am a hypochondriac. Yeah, you heard me. Not just any old chondriac
but a hypochondriac. Over the course of 2010 I was convinced I had the following ailments, only to be eventually talked down by either a girlfriend, loved one or family member:
10. The Gout
Frankly, I don't fully know what the Gout is but I heard somebody on TV say somebody had it and then was pretty sure I had it.
9. Rib Cancer
Pretty sure this was after I went on a mini-fitness regimen after the 1st of the year (RESOLUTIONS!) and did too many sit-ups one day. For the next week I was positive I rattled some cancer loose in there. Turned out to just be a pulled muscle.
8. Throat Cancer
Surprise! Turns out it was just my Adam's Apple.
7. Scurvy
Just to be safe I ate a lot of oranges that week.
6. Whatever disease you get when that creepy spider lays eggs in your skin
Moved into a new apartment with more spiders than usual.
5. Diabetes
This came and went throughout the year but was especially strong the week that I went to Taco Bell 5 days in a row.
4. Testicular Cancer
Don't want to even go into why I thought this.
3. Skin Cancer
This is what happens when I take a vacation to a sunny locale.
2. Hepatitis
I'm not sure why exactly, must have been on the news.
1. Herpes
Totes false alarm.
Poem of the Week
So, I thought I might start a feature in which I post poem and a few thoughts about it and then whoever would like to add their interpretations could do so in the comments section. The poem below is called "I Love You, Sweatheart" by Thomas Lux. Baby Friday introduced it to me, and I really love it. Lux takes the misspelled "sweatheart" (I like to think that he actually saw this spraypainted on an overpass somewhere) and runs with it. For Lux, this spelling error actually becomes a more accurate portrayal of the lover's amour, "all sore and dumb / and dangerous." I think he is right when he says, "Love is like this at the bone, we hope." I also really like how he utitlizes enjambment (or the breaking of a phrase, clause or setence by the end of a line) to increase the anxiety of the poem and offer double-meanings to some lines. Just a great poem. Enjoy!
I Love You, Sweatheart
Thomas Lux
I Love You, Sweatheart
Thomas Lux
A man risked his life to write the words.
A man hung upside down (an idiot friend
holding his legs?) with spray paint
to write the words on a girder fifty feet above
a highway. And his beloved,
the next morning driving to work...?
His words are not (meant to be) so unique.
Does she recognize his handwriting?
Did he hint to her at her doorstep the night before
of "something special, darling, tomorrow"?
And did he call her at work
expecting her to faint with delight
at his celebration of her, his passion, his risk?
She will know I love her now,
the world will know my love for her!
A man risked his life to write the world.
Love is like this at the bone, we hope, love
is like this, Sweatheart, all sore and dumb
and dangerous, ignited, blessed--always,
regardless, no exceptions,
always in blazing matters like these: blessed.
Friday, December 17, 2010
MY FAVORITE THINGS: YOU'VE GOT MAIL
You've Got Mail -- a *little* film from 1998 that grossed over $100 million dollars domestically, and which stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan performing dialogue written by Nora Ephron -- is one of my most favorite things. "Why?" -- You
YGM retells the story originally depicted in Shop Around the Corner from 1940 and which stars James Stewart and Margaret Sullavan, in which two characters who can't stand each other in real life unknowingly fall in love through anonymous correspondence.
In YGM, snail mail becomes dial-up e-mail, chat rooms, and instant messaging. Super advanced technology! What I love most about this film is that it is a time capsule, in every sense of the term. It's a pre-9/11 world -- before MySpace (NEVER FORGET), before the Kardashians, before Two Girls One Cup. It's a world in which people at coffee shops either read or talked to one another without their iPhones on the table waiting to interrupt them.
YGM's Manhattan is the kind of Manhattan you don't just want to live in, but feel you must live in. It's the kind of characterization of the city that reminds me of Woody Allen's New York so wonderfully portrayed in Annie Hall and, well, Manhattan.
As I said before, YGM stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's old face (plus or minus new lips). "Could Tom and Meg BE any more perfect for one another" -- Bandler Ching
Co-stars include Parker Posey, Heather Burns, Dabney Coleman, and THIS GUY:
That would be DAVE CHAPPELLE, people.
There are lots of cozy fall and winter knits, hot drinks, and Meg Ryan's character reads from Boy, written by my all-time favorite children's book author Roald Dahl
Lastly, in addition to all the witty white people jokes, white people music, and white people interior decorating, there are some adorable scenes of Tom Hanks playing with kids that are among some of my favorite to watch.
Now you know why I adore this movie. I hope you'll all give it a chance and let it into your hearts just a little before you die and go to wherever it is you think you go afterward.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The monsters are coming to LA!!
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=131015980293192
| Thisty Crow Bar 2339 w Sunset blvd Los Angeles, CA | |
Inside The Monsters Studio: Lilbobbytables
Hello again, ladies and dudes and folks of indeterminate gender! Two posts on the same blog is pretty much a new record for me, so I'm just as surprised about this as you are! This week, I took the time to get to know long-time commenter Lilbobbytables.
Videogum name: lilbobbytables
Videogum avatar: A lady with glasses. I fear any more specific knowledge is lost to the eternal void of the internet.
Real name (optional): Kate
Location: Minneapolis
Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): All time favorite sitcom is Golden Girls. My current sitcom favorites are Community and Raising Hope.
Favorite wing flavor: mild. I am a wimp.
Karaoke song of choice: Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler
Worst movie you’ve ever seen: A tie between It's Pat and Alone in the Dark. Terrible. Just terrible.
Q. Lilbobbytables...A man’s name, with a woman’s picture. What’s up with that?
A. I shamelessly stole my name from XKCD, although I have known my fair share of Lady Bobbys to be fair
Q. But have they been ‘Lil?
A. Touche. Your mastery of written fisticuffs is most impressive.
Q. I’ve noticed in the comments that you seem to be fond of both Zelda and Green Lantern. Do you have any other nerd-like interests that we should be aware of?
A. Oh god yes. I am very fond of comic books (although I only use 'graphic novel' when I am trying to sound like a snob)
Q. Saved By The Bell teaches us that nerds also love retainers and Ovaltine. What are your feelings regarding orthodonture and off-brand chocolate milk?
A. I never had braces or any corrective orthodonture, so perhaps I have missed out on my great love. Perhaps I am destined to walk alone, forever, wondering what might have been. as for off-brand chocolate milk, I always liked Nestle's. Is that off-brand? I’m not sure about that.
Q. Perhaps your lack of chocolate milk knowledge and your well-maintained teeth are directly
related? I think we may be onto something here
A. Great Scott, I think you’ve got it!
Q. Sugar leads to bad teeth...this will revolutionize the dentistry world. My sources tell me that you volunteer at the library. Be honest with me...you just pocket the late fees, don’t you?
A. HOW DID YOU KNOW???
Q. I have sources who tell me you’ve been making a lot of purchases with nickels and dimes recently. What, exactly is a late fee for? They’re too trivial to benefit the library much, and it’s not as if it costs the library anything to keep a book checked out. So what’s the deal?
A. Well, I am not in the inner librarian circle. Honest answer, I think it is to make sure people return the materials on time, so they are available to other patrons. But then, that might just be what the Librarian Society wants us to think....A wiley, bespectacled bunch, librarians.
Q. Did you ever see that TNT made-for-TV movie “The Librarian,” where Noah Wyle was supposed to be this badass librarian? Is that notion as ridiculous as I have always assumed, or is there a whole world of ass-kicking library hunks out there?
A. Listen. I'm not saying there are superattractive librarian ninjas afoot. But I'm not not saying that, either. I'm afraid I just cannot be any more specific. And also, theoretically speaking, what did you think late fees funded?
Q. I never suspected it might be librarian/ninja academies. I suppose they’re similar, with the silence and all. I can see that. We're just about out of time here, but before we go...bone/marry/kill, with your fellow monsters. GO!
A. Oh, this is going to get me in trouble, isn't it? I would probably kill That One, just to see what it is like to live in a world without death. I would bone Just Desserts and marry A Serious Monster PLEASE NO ONE HIT ME. (ed. note: Between this and the last interview, I guess "In The Land Of The Women" was actually a Just Desserts biopic. Who knew?)
I hope you've all enjoyed this enlightening peek into the thrilling world of librarians and nerdery. Next time, we'll be speaking with Videogum activist Chris Trash. Unless he's super boring, in which case I'll probably just rant about how Rachel ruined Boy Meets World or whatever. Tune in next week to find out which one it'll be!
Videogum name: lilbobbytables
Videogum avatar: A lady with glasses. I fear any more specific knowledge is lost to the eternal void of the internet.
Real name (optional): Kate
Location: Minneapolis
Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): All time favorite sitcom is Golden Girls. My current sitcom favorites are Community and Raising Hope.
Favorite wing flavor: mild. I am a wimp.
Karaoke song of choice: Total eclipse of the heart - Bonnie Tyler
Worst movie you’ve ever seen: A tie between It's Pat and Alone in the Dark. Terrible. Just terrible.
Q. Lilbobbytables...A man’s name, with a woman’s picture. What’s up with that?
A. I shamelessly stole my name from XKCD, although I have known my fair share of Lady Bobbys to be fair
Q. But have they been ‘Lil?
A. Touche. Your mastery of written fisticuffs is most impressive.
Q. I’ve noticed in the comments that you seem to be fond of both Zelda and Green Lantern. Do you have any other nerd-like interests that we should be aware of?
A. Oh god yes. I am very fond of comic books (although I only use 'graphic novel' when I am trying to sound like a snob)
Q. Saved By The Bell teaches us that nerds also love retainers and Ovaltine. What are your feelings regarding orthodonture and off-brand chocolate milk?
A. I never had braces or any corrective orthodonture, so perhaps I have missed out on my great love. Perhaps I am destined to walk alone, forever, wondering what might have been. as for off-brand chocolate milk, I always liked Nestle's. Is that off-brand? I’m not sure about that.
Q. Perhaps your lack of chocolate milk knowledge and your well-maintained teeth are directly
related? I think we may be onto something here
A. Great Scott, I think you’ve got it!
Q. Sugar leads to bad teeth...this will revolutionize the dentistry world. My sources tell me that you volunteer at the library. Be honest with me...you just pocket the late fees, don’t you?
A. HOW DID YOU KNOW???
Q. I have sources who tell me you’ve been making a lot of purchases with nickels and dimes recently. What, exactly is a late fee for? They’re too trivial to benefit the library much, and it’s not as if it costs the library anything to keep a book checked out. So what’s the deal?
A. Well, I am not in the inner librarian circle. Honest answer, I think it is to make sure people return the materials on time, so they are available to other patrons. But then, that might just be what the Librarian Society wants us to think....A wiley, bespectacled bunch, librarians.
Q. Did you ever see that TNT made-for-TV movie “The Librarian,” where Noah Wyle was supposed to be this badass librarian? Is that notion as ridiculous as I have always assumed, or is there a whole world of ass-kicking library hunks out there?
A. Listen. I'm not saying there are superattractive librarian ninjas afoot. But I'm not not saying that, either. I'm afraid I just cannot be any more specific. And also, theoretically speaking, what did you think late fees funded?
Q. I never suspected it might be librarian/ninja academies. I suppose they’re similar, with the silence and all. I can see that. We're just about out of time here, but before we go...bone/marry/kill, with your fellow monsters. GO!
A. Oh, this is going to get me in trouble, isn't it? I would probably kill That One, just to see what it is like to live in a world without death. I would bone Just Desserts and marry A Serious Monster PLEASE NO ONE HIT ME. (ed. note: Between this and the last interview, I guess "In The Land Of The Women" was actually a Just Desserts biopic. Who knew?)
I hope you've all enjoyed this enlightening peek into the thrilling world of librarians and nerdery. Next time, we'll be speaking with Videogum activist Chris Trash. Unless he's super boring, in which case I'll probably just rant about how Rachel ruined Boy Meets World or whatever. Tune in next week to find out which one it'll be!
Characters I Hate In Movies I Love: It's A Wonderful Life
(In this feature I will discuss characters I can't stand - justifiably or not - in classic or personal favorite movies. Mostly these aren't the characters you're supposed to hate, like villains or romantic rivals, but rather characters that offend me personally.)
For this, the first installment (and also Holiday Edition) of Characters I Hate In Movies I Love (CIHIMIL), I will be discussing It's A Wonderful Life and, more specifically, fucking Harry Bailey. Now, you may ask, why Harry? Why not Henry F. Potter or Uncle Billy? Certainly they are both hateable in their own rights, but they make up for it by being either badass (in Potter's case) or hilarious (in Billy's case).
But Harry (Harry ...) has no redeeming value once you look beyond his attractive face. This bitch.
Maybe I'm jaded because I've watched this movie every year since I've been alive. I used to hate Uncle Billy the most (he is truly awful/stupid and should never be trusted with money, or anything really, ever) but his drunken silliness has grown on me over the years. Harry has had the opposite effect. While I was once neutral toward him, my neutrality has morphed into full-on hatred. My man-friend emphasized to me (after seeing IAWL for the first time this year) that the moral of the story is that doing good is more important than doing well but that Harry's not a bad guy because he got opportunities to do well. I disagree. Harry's a selfish turd and that's that.
The End.
Superglue
For this, the first installment (and also Holiday Edition) of Characters I Hate In Movies I Love (CIHIMIL), I will be discussing It's A Wonderful Life and, more specifically, fucking Harry Bailey. Now, you may ask, why Harry? Why not Henry F. Potter or Uncle Billy? Certainly they are both hateable in their own rights, but they make up for it by being either badass (in Potter's case) or hilarious (in Billy's case).
But Harry (Harry ...) has no redeeming value once you look beyond his attractive face. This bitch.
- First, he falls in some freezing water like a n00b and ruins George's ear.
- Second, he takes all of George's college money for himself and leaves George at the garbage-pail Building and Loan.
- Third, when he's supposed to come back and help George out, he comes back with a surprise wife and ditches him at the B&L yet again!
- Fourth, he invites his mom to meet the President's wife but not George! Don't you think George deserves to go to the White House, Harry???
Maybe I'm jaded because I've watched this movie every year since I've been alive. I used to hate Uncle Billy the most (he is truly awful/stupid and should never be trusted with money, or anything really, ever) but his drunken silliness has grown on me over the years. Harry has had the opposite effect. While I was once neutral toward him, my neutrality has morphed into full-on hatred. My man-friend emphasized to me (after seeing IAWL for the first time this year) that the moral of the story is that doing good is more important than doing well but that Harry's not a bad guy because he got opportunities to do well. I disagree. Harry's a selfish turd and that's that.
The End.
Superglue
Jeff's Top 5 Trees of 2010
Hi! I’m one of the three Jeffs on Videogum, and if there is one thing I love more than trees, it is probably a lot of things—nevertheless, trees are an ever-present item on my yearly list of things I adore (usually below “sandwich makers” but higher than “wool hats”). And, like everything I've ever loved, I’m going to rank them subjectively on a blog. Here are my Top 5 Trees of 2010 in ascending—or, if you are reading this while upside down, completely indecipherable—order.
5) Stupid Zoo Tree That Didn’t Even Have Any Dumb Animals In It
I took a picture of this dumb tree at the Oregon Zoo in 35 degree (Fahrenheit!) weather one Saturday at 8pm. I realize it was very late in the evening (and how most caged animals are total SNL heads), but it is preposterous there weren’t at least three monkeys in it. At that point I'd have even accepted an animatronic rhinoceros! The tree remains on this list due to cronyism.
4) This Christmas Tree I Found On The 8th Page Of My Google Image Search For “Christmas Tree”
I don’t know the context of this image but it is just delightful. Why do you think he’s wearing so much red? I bet that’s just his favorite color. I also bet for this guy to be the absolute life of my New Year’s party, and a strong contender in 2011.
3) This Tree I Just Drew
My favorite aspect of this tree is its versatility. Already it is living on a planet with no atmosphere and a soil made of lemon meringue pie, but all I have to do is ask nicely (pro-tip: don’t ask it if you “can” use the bathroom) and it will gladly support the weight of a Snooki and a Michael Cera .png.
And doesn’t it look like it’s dancing?? A lively personality is one of the most important things I look for in a tree, which brings me to…
2) Wendy
This 135-year-old deciduous from Oregon is the Tree of Life…of the PARTY!!! Not only can Wendy spin a fantastic yarn about her travels abroad in college, she also has some ingenious macaroni recipes, and once relayed to me detailed instructions on making a water purifier out of just seven egg cartons. My passion for Wendy is equaled only by Wendy’s passion for accessorizing and photosynthesis. And also my passion for the next tree.
1) This One Tree From My Backyard
Although this tree began the decade in a very rough position after I fell 15 feet from one of its Triscuit™-esque branches, it is—to borrow a phrase from a guy wearing a suit on my television—the political comeback story of 2010, Nancy. Over the summer, I discovered it to be a great source for Wi-Fi, so long as I had the courage and/or trauma-inflicted memory loss required to climb past the 30-foot mark from which I had previously fallen. Its stark beauty allowed me to add an exotic flair to everyday activities; whether I was using it as a backdrop for a video conference call or as a seat in which to view a live-stream of @diplo shirtless on a roof in Cambodia, I was doing so with an elegance usually reserved for someone video-chatting from a golf cart. And although falling literally one jillion feet from an object is usually grounds for its disqualification, This One Tree From My Backyard came to an impressive finish in 2010.
I hope you've enjoyed these last seven hours! I would like to tie this all together with joke, but as they say in Oregon, I'm going to eat some cereal instead. Bye guys!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Werttrew's Favorite Animated Gifs of 2010
My favorite gifs of 2010. From my personal collection of gifs. (Given how actually making these into gifs would slow down this page terribly, I'm just providing links.)
1. Doggie plays pool. This is great. My favorite gif of the year. http://i49.tinypic.com/21o25q8.jpg
1. Doggie plays pool. This is great. My favorite gif of the year. http://i49.tinypic.com/21o25q8.jpg
2. Oprah and the bees http://oi56.tinypic.com/2h6uewz.jpg
3. Smiling Shiba Inu dog http://i26.tinypic.com/2yoddw3.jpg
4. Kid blows out the candles on the cake! Killjoy! http://i46.tinypic.com/zlzuxj.jpg
5. Little old lady shakes her head in disbelief http://i50.tinypic.com/243oxux.gif
6. Combo breaker http://oi54.tinypic.com/m7rygw.jpg
7. BUNNIES http://oi54.tinypic.com/sqjgc1.jpg
8. Brendan Fraser claps weird http://i49.tinypic.com/2vw6ypf.jpg
9. This kid hates rollercoasters http://oi55.tinypic.com/2zo95ic.jpg
10. Dramatic sheep http://i54.tinypic.com/96c6j9.jpg
The rest of the best:
Cursor disco http://i45.tinypic.com/58ubp.jpg
spinning doggie taken for a spin http://i52.tinypic.com/e00htu.jpg
Two corgis on a treadmill http://i55.tinypic.com/2zox0k5.jpg
Kill your little brother! http://i49.tinypic.com/9h3kmx.gif
surprised mouse http://oi52.tinypic.com/2h7hv1g.jpg
This guy is a hero http://i50.tinypic.com/v75gew.jpg
Shark attack http://i47.tinypic.com/315fyfm.jpg
Mr Bean Makes Faces! http://i49.tinypic.com/2r3cegx.jpg
House sez: Bros B4 Hos, Man! http://i46.tinypic.com/igevzo.jpg
shania twain says no thanks http://i45.tinypic.com/33xkikn.gif
Kid has fun in a toilet bowl http://oi51.tinypic.com/2d85qxg.jpg
Kid on a rollercoaster http://i50.tinypic.com/2ho9yfm.jpg
Excitement! http://oi56.tinypic.com/2qjytg0.jpg
Shake of head. Contemptuous eyeroll. Smirk. http://i39.tinypic.com/316kz9i.gif
this makes me want to shut off my laptop and hide it! Big Bang Theory http://i40.tinypic.com/9ib953.jpg
quicksand http://i46.tinypic.com/259j4af.jpg
Denied! Encino man http://i46.tinypic.com/2l8j3fc.jpg
sisyphus workout! http://i49.tinypic.com/4eqlh.jpg
Kid is excited! http://i42.tinypic.com/fohaat.jpg
Little kid is gonna crash http://i43.tinypic.com/259ephw.jpg
head bang from Always Sunny in Philadelphia http://i50.tinypic.com/ns2mg.jpg
Simon pegg says WHAT? http://i50.tinypic.com/2gslheu.jpg
shock horror surprise http://i50.tinypic.com/2z7of15.jpg
Carlton dance http://i27.tinypic.com/25tvt5e.gif
Jump http://i50.tinypic.com/2s8sp4j.jpg
pandas! http://i38.tinypic.com/2e2448x.jpg
Haul Ass, says John Wayne! http://i50.tinypic.com/4orj8.jpg
Doggie climbs up chair in a novel way. http://oi51.tinypic.com/2lj5pw6.jpg
The best comment of the Year 2010
Ok, so one of the many things that makes Videogum great is the commentators. I could go on and on about some great comments, so I picked just one.
this little number comes from as a reply to Steve Winwood from commenter Duncan, as posted on June 25th, during the height of Winwoodmania:
"I hadn’t realised this before but ‘Wise Downvote’ is an anagram of ‘Steve Winwood’…"
As posted on:
http://videogum.com/195591/monsters-ball-the-weeks-best-comments-17/franchises/monsters-ball/#comment-7541642
So what's your favorite comment of the year? Picking your own doesn't count.
this little number comes from as a reply to Steve Winwood from commenter Duncan, as posted on June 25th, during the height of Winwoodmania:
"I hadn’t realised this before but ‘Wise Downvote’ is an anagram of ‘Steve Winwood’…"
As posted on:
http://videogum.com/195591/monsters-ball-the-weeks-best-comments-17/franchises/monsters-ball/#comment-7541642
So what's your favorite comment of the year? Picking your own doesn't count.
Gums of Our Lives: Episode 4
As it seems like it always does during funerals, it was raining on the day of Teacherman’s. BabyFriday and Thisismynightmare huddled under an umbrella as the preacher stood in front of the gravesite. “Hello,” he began. “For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Father Mans. I have had the privilege of knowing Teacherman for many years. He was a brilliant scientist, a devoted husband, and a wonderful friend.” BabyFriday began to sob again as Thisismynightmare held her closer. Father Mans continued.
“Life, like everything in this world, is fleeting. We are born, we live, and like an unattended campfire, we burn out. In some cases we are not left until we become glowing embers, but rather extinguished in our full, raging prime. When we could still provide light. When we could still provide warmth. We are tempted to ask, ‘Why? Why would you pour sand on something that provided so much for so many?’ Instead we must remember that which is gone. Remember all that it was to all of us, and, in doing so, we retain just a little of that warmth and light.”
BabyFriday smiled faintly through her tears as the casket was lowered into the earth.
**************************
Just Desserts stared at the creature that was greeting him at the door. It was a seven-foot tall gleaming metal wolf man wearing a bow tie with a giant screen on its chest. It spoke, its voice a deep mechanical rumble. “Are you Just Desserts?” It asked.
“Who are you?” He responded, trembling.
“I am Jessica Alba. PSYCHE! Just kidding, friend. I am here to find Thisismynightmare.”
“She’s not here.”
“Are you sure because I am supposed to find her and pop a cap in her ass. Word bitches.”
“I haven’t seen her. I promise”
“You used the wrong ‘seen’ you said ‘scene’ when you meant ‘seen’ hahahahahah you are so dumb.”
“How can you tell from me speaking which homonym I’m using?”
“I am going to destroy you and it will be bloody like a back alley Bristol Palin abortion, you hypocrite!”
His metal arm glinted in the sun as it flashed towards Just Desserts. Fortunately for him, his reflexes were primed from his years of breakdancing. He quickly dropped to the floor, spun on his back, and kicked his leg out, catching the Winbot behind his knee. He howled out in pain, “???????????” flashing across the panel on his chest.
Just Desserts back-flipped onto his feet and slammed the door, locking it. He stood back, catching his breath, trying to think of what to do. Suddenly, a metal fist burst through the door. He could hear its voice from growling behind. “LOL you think you can beat me hahahaha what are you some kind of baby who was aborted hahahahaha. Racism is evil!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Backing away, Just Desserts turned and ran for the back door, taking out his cellphone and dialing as he did. The person on the other end picked up as Just Desserts exited his house, most likely for the last time. “Hey, it’s me,” he said, breathlessly. “I’m in trouble. I need your expertise. You still at 1537?… Good. That’s ten minutes away. I’ll be there in nine minutes and fifty-three seconds.” He ran into his garage, jumped onto his motorcycle, and sped away, taking one last long, mournful look at his house.
*******************************
Dr. Principal Enchman stood and stared at the two people in front of him. “Wait a minute,” he said, slowly. “You two were in the park earlier. On the bench.” The monster and the Norma Shearer looked at each other, then back at Dr. Principal Enchman. The blue monster spoke.
“That is correct. We’ve had our eye on you for some time. Forgive me. Let me introduce myself.” He offered his hand. “My name is Agent Huckabeast, and this is my partner, Agent Cakeordeath.” She stuck out her hand as well. Dr. Prinicipal Enchman shook both, hesitatingly.
“What agency are you with?” he asked.
“The Agency.” Agent Cakeordeath responded with an air of finality that the doctor was wise to adhere to.
“We are here because we have information.” Agent Huckabeast began, but was quickly stopped by Agent Cakeordeath.
“How much do you know about The Narrator?” She interrupted.
“I mean, some. But you know I can’t say anything. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
“We are aware of the law, Dr. Principal Enchman,” Agent Cakeordeath brusquely replied.
“Then you know I can’t tell you anything.”
“What if we were to offer you information in exchange? Information you were looking for?” Agent Huckabeast responded.
“Nothing you have could be worth me potentially losing my license.”
“What about information about her?” Agent Cakeordeath asked, mysteriously.
Dr. Principal Enchman stopped dead in his tracks.
“What do you mean, her?”
“You know exactly who we mean,” Agent Cakeordeath continued. “What if we were to tell you that not only is she still alive, but we know where we can find her.”
“That’s impossible! I watched her die!”
“Are you sure?” Agent Cakeordeath gestured to Agent Huckabeast, who pulled out a folder from his briefcase and handed it to Dr. Principal Enchman.
“This was taken two days ago.”
Dr. Principal Enchman opened the folder, his hands trembling. There she was, sitting in a café, two knitting needles busy in her hands, the sunlight reflecting off of her horn-rimmed glasses. Tears welled up in his eyes.
“This is fake and gay. It has to be!”
“I can assure you that it is real and most definitely not gay. Now, can we count on your coöperation?”
“You tell me where she is,” Dr. Principal Enchman began, “and I’ll tell you everything I know.”
Monday, December 13, 2010
Concert's Corner: Concert Log #2
Sunday Night I attended the KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas night 2 "Indie Night". KROQ is LA's main "Alternative Rock" radio station. Although the show is called Almost Acoustic Christams, no band ever plays an acoustic song.
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - This is a quirky band that quickly caught my attention and held it for the entirety of their set. They actually seem to be having a ton of fun up on stage and were definitely Party People. Great band to kick off the night.
Broken Bells - I always thought the Shins were kind of boring live, however, James Mercer puts on a completely different show with Broken Bells. He had a lot more energy and seemed to be enjoying himself which completely changed the audience experience. I was surprised this band was scheduled so early in the night.
Temper Trap - OK band from Australia. The tweens behind me were freaking out when they came out which may explain why I'm not into them: I'm not a preteen girl.
Neon Trees - Maybe the second worst band in existence, behind Brokencyde. After only 30 seconds, I was done and had to leave the amphitheater to take a walk. Fifteen minutes later, I decided to capture their only listenable song. FYI - This song sounds nothing like anything else they played and has the potential to become stuck in your head. Sadly after uploading videos of all these bands to my youtube account, the one video that has gotten the most hits and also received positive feed back is Neon Trees. DeadFerYou wrote "completed my life ahhh <3".>
As of right now, I have no more concerts for the rest of the year. Next year: Neon Trees & 30 Seconds to Mars. I am not sure why I am going to subject myself to this show but I'm sure it will provide a great blog post.
Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros - This is a quirky band that quickly caught my attention and held it for the entirety of their set. They actually seem to be having a ton of fun up on stage and were definitely Party People. Great band to kick off the night.
Broken Bells - I always thought the Shins were kind of boring live, however, James Mercer puts on a completely different show with Broken Bells. He had a lot more energy and seemed to be enjoying himself which completely changed the audience experience. I was surprised this band was scheduled so early in the night.
Temper Trap - OK band from Australia. The tweens behind me were freaking out when they came out which may explain why I'm not into them: I'm not a preteen girl.
Neon Trees - Maybe the second worst band in existence, behind Brokencyde. After only 30 seconds, I was done and had to leave the amphitheater to take a walk. Fifteen minutes later, I decided to capture their only listenable song. FYI - This song sounds nothing like anything else they played and has the potential to become stuck in your head. Sadly after uploading videos of all these bands to my youtube account, the one video that has gotten the most hits and also received positive feed back is Neon Trees. DeadFerYou wrote "completed my life ahhh <3".>
Florence and the Machine - Can I just say she has some amazing pipes? This was the first time I've seen her live and she did not disappoint. The best part of her set was that although it was slated to be 35 minutes long, she kept playing. Once she hit the 45 minute mark (the end of the video below), the venue started spinning the stage to get her off. She barely had time to complete the song before they cut the mic.
Black Keys - I don't really know any of their music but was happy to check them out. They were fine but not really anything special. They are listed on a lot of top album of 2010 lists so I might have to give them another listen.
Brandon Flowers - Brandon's solo album has a few great songs but the rest of the album is kind of blah. Seeing him live just makes me miss the Killers, although his slowed down versions of Killers songs really captivated the audience.
Vampire Weekend - This band is always fun live. Their music is bubbly and totally danceable. They had one of the best albums of 2010 and delivered a solid performance.
Phoenix - I love Phoenix and I want to see Somewhere almost purely because of the soundtrack. So I may be a little biased. Maybe the french accents have something to do with it too. Phoenix closed out the show brilliantly. This was the final stop on their long US tour but you couldn't tell. They seemed just as fresh and excited to be playing their music as they were their first LA stop of the tour. Sadly, the sound quality on my Phoenix videos is crap so I'll just post a pic.
During the Brandon Flowers set, I happened to glance to my right and noticed Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Mitchell on Modern Family). My first celeb sighting of the night. Two rows in front of him was his On-Screen husband Eric Stonestreet (Cam). To my complete shock, Cam was there was a date and it was a woman. I don't know why I was completely shocked but for some reason I just assumed in real life he would be exactly like his character. My TV lied to me!! Then I came to my senses and realized he is an actor.
Mid-way through the Phoenix set at the end of the night, I started getting annoyed by the people standing next to me who were talking and taking tons of flash photos. I started to glare at them only to realize it was James Mercer the lead singer of The Shins and Broken Bells and his bassist Jonathan Hischke being accosted by a super fan. The fan wouldn't stop asking them questions and kept trying to take the perfect picture. Luckily, the fan eventually left them alone and we all went back to enjoying Phoenix. Once the band left the stage, I felt it was OK to geek out and get a quick photo. Lesson #1 for those unaware of the unspoken concert rules: never accost celebrities while a band is playing.
As of right now, I have no more concerts for the rest of the year. Next year: Neon Trees & 30 Seconds to Mars. I am not sure why I am going to subject myself to this show but I'm sure it will provide a great blog post.
Most upvoted and downvoted comments on Videogum
This record is almost certainly wrong and incomplete. Please do correct me by sending me a link to a comment that is higher/lower than the ones listed here: Werttrew99@yahoo.com
In the summer of 2009, there was a new policy where only registered commenters could vote. This immediately caused vote totals to plummet, but they have steadily grown to current levels. Asterisks denote a comment that was pre-commenters-only-voting rule. I’ve not included them in the ranking, but I’m listing them for posterity’s sake.
Most Upvoted Comments Ever (as of March 25, 2011)
1. Chareth Cutestory 448 http://videogum.com/198561/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-the-ladies-of-the-daily-show/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***Dictums 418 http://videogum.com/80742/spoiler_alert_new_moon_has_a_t/spoilers/
2. Patrick M 353 http://videogum.com/227142/dear-outsourced-please-kill-yourself/tv/new-tv-shows/
***ModernMANDroid 341 http://videogum.com/73821/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c/franchises/monsters-ball/
***Ladders 287 http://videogum.com/78932/this_is_your_music_video_confi/music-related-content/
3. Huckabeast 275 http://videogum.com/213172/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-jay-z-hugging-gwyneth-paltrow/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***MusclesMarinara 260 http://videogum.com/74381/megan_fox_please_understand_me/top-stories/
4. Ian 253 http://videogum.com/253822/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-john-waters-and-justin-bieber/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
4. Ian 253 http://videogum.com/253822/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-john-waters-and-justin-bieber/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/ (Note: not a typo. Ian had two comments in the same thread that received identical vote counts)
***Godsauce 250 http://videogum.com/81091/gwyneth_paltrows_recipe_for_ro/top-stories/#comment-4358702/
6. werttrew 244 http://videogum.com/222052/the-unfortunate-return-of-the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
7. abalogariz 219 http://videogum.com/189492/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-sad-keanu-reeves/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
8. werttrew 212 http://videogum.com/212921/videogum-dare-name-a-movie-that-looks-worse-than-love-and-other-drugs/movies/trailer/
9. Thisismynightmare 200 http://videogum.com/237351/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-luke-perry-at-dragon-con/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***K-Mo 194 http://videogum.com/79912/videogums_teen_korner_new_moon/franchises/teen-korner/
10. Paperstreetsoap 190 http://videogum.com/254092/post-your-salsa-dog-reaction-videos-here-and-everywhere/top-stories/
Most downvoted comments ever (as of March 25, 2011)
4. chris -87 http://videogum.com/289192/an-open-letter-to-good-morning-america-concerning-the-chris-brown-situation/top-stories/
4. Mr. Hausfrau -87 http://videogum.com/219282/monsters-ball-the-weeks-best-comments-26/franchises/monsters-ball/
3. garbage_face -91 http://videogum.com/176962/the-birdie-report-hi-birdie/top-stories/
2. laughcamp -97 http://videogum.com/204841/we-all-win-this-dance-battle/webjunk/viral-video/comment-page-1/#comment-7635322
*** TalbainJ2: TalbainJ Harder -92 http://videogum.com/81332/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_4/franchises/monsters-ball/
***buenosueno -93 http://videogum.com/78862/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_2/franchises/monsters-ball/
***buenosueno -104 http://videogum.com/74922/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_1/franchises/monsters-ball/
1. Godsauce -118 http://videogum.com/166451/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-sean-hannity-is-a-feminine-hygiene-product/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
In the summer of 2009, there was a new policy where only registered commenters could vote. This immediately caused vote totals to plummet, but they have steadily grown to current levels. Asterisks denote a comment that was pre-commenters-only-voting rule. I’ve not included them in the ranking, but I’m listing them for posterity’s sake.
Most Upvoted Comments Ever (as of March 25, 2011)
1. Chareth Cutestory 448 http://videogum.com/198561/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-the-ladies-of-the-daily-show/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***Dictums 418 http://videogum.com/80742/spoiler_alert_new_moon_has_a_t/spoilers/
2. Patrick M 353 http://videogum.com/227142/dear-outsourced-please-kill-yourself/tv/new-tv-shows/
***ModernMANDroid 341 http://videogum.com/73821/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c/franchises/monsters-ball/
***Ladders 287 http://videogum.com/78932/this_is_your_music_video_confi/music-related-content/
3. Huckabeast 275 http://videogum.com/213172/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-jay-z-hugging-gwyneth-paltrow/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***MusclesMarinara 260 http://videogum.com/74381/megan_fox_please_understand_me/top-stories/
4. Ian 253 http://videogum.com/253822/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-john-waters-and-justin-bieber/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
4. Ian 253 http://videogum.com/253822/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-john-waters-and-justin-bieber/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/ (Note: not a typo. Ian had two comments in the same thread that received identical vote counts)
***Godsauce 250 http://videogum.com/81091/gwyneth_paltrows_recipe_for_ro/top-stories/#comment-4358702/
6. werttrew 244 http://videogum.com/222052/the-unfortunate-return-of-the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
7. abalogariz 219 http://videogum.com/189492/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-sad-keanu-reeves/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
8. werttrew 212 http://videogum.com/212921/videogum-dare-name-a-movie-that-looks-worse-than-love-and-other-drugs/movies/trailer/
9. Thisismynightmare 200 http://videogum.com/237351/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-luke-perry-at-dragon-con/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
***K-Mo 194 http://videogum.com/79912/videogums_teen_korner_new_moon/franchises/teen-korner/
10. Paperstreetsoap 190 http://videogum.com/254092/post-your-salsa-dog-reaction-videos-here-and-everywhere/top-stories/
Most downvoted comments ever (as of March 25, 2011)
4. chris -87 http://videogum.com/289192/an-open-letter-to-good-morning-america-concerning-the-chris-brown-situation/top-stories/
4. Mr. Hausfrau -87 http://videogum.com/219282/monsters-ball-the-weeks-best-comments-26/franchises/monsters-ball/
3. garbage_face -91 http://videogum.com/176962/the-birdie-report-hi-birdie/top-stories/
2. laughcamp -97 http://videogum.com/204841/we-all-win-this-dance-battle/webjunk/viral-video/comment-page-1/#comment-7635322
*** TalbainJ2: TalbainJ Harder -92 http://videogum.com/81332/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_4/franchises/monsters-ball/
***buenosueno -93 http://videogum.com/78862/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_2/franchises/monsters-ball/
***buenosueno -104 http://videogum.com/74922/monsters_ball_the_weeks_best_c_1/franchises/monsters-ball/
1. Godsauce -118 http://videogum.com/166451/the-videogum-why-dont-you-caption-it-contest-sean-hannity-is-a-feminine-hygiene-product/franchises/why-dont-you-caption-it/
Just the Tip- Two for One
From werttrew:
Apparently this one is kind of old, but whatever. It's awesome.
As much as it pains me to post anything Ke$ha, here's your second video:
Send unposted videogum tips to me.
Apparently this one is kind of old, but whatever. It's awesome.
As much as it pains me to post anything Ke$ha, here's your second video:
Send unposted videogum tips to me.
NERD ALERT!
a fangirl's perspective: college football
it's been rough for texas this fall. i spent most of my saturdays reading the DSM-IV, rather than drinking screwdrivers in bed and yelling at the television. two of the weeks in college pick 'em, i simply FORGOT to make my picks. (and i had 98.7% accuracy last year, NBD). i have not even been counting down the days til bowl season. all around: SHAMEFUL. with no OC or DC at the time of this post, and a season that reminds me us all what it's like to be texas A&M, i need to regain my passion for this, the greatest of all sports: college football.
here are my (very tiny) college bowl mania picks. what are yours?
btw painstakingly moving each arrow ONE BY ONE is not frustrating at all!
[C.T. Note] Join the VG monsters Bowl pick group at http://games.espn.go.com/bowlmania/en/group?groupID=30594&entryID=469686
it's been rough for texas this fall. i spent most of my saturdays reading the DSM-IV, rather than drinking screwdrivers in bed and yelling at the television. two of the weeks in college pick 'em, i simply FORGOT to make my picks. (and i had 98.7% accuracy last year, NBD). i have not even been counting down the days til bowl season. all around: SHAMEFUL. with no OC or DC at the time of this post, and a season that reminds me us all what it's like to be texas A&M, i need to regain my passion for this, the greatest of all sports: college football.
here are my (very tiny) college bowl mania picks. what are yours?
btw painstakingly moving each arrow ONE BY ONE is not frustrating at all!
[C.T. Note] Join the VG monsters Bowl pick group at http://games.espn.go.com/bowlmania/en/group?groupID=30594&entryID=469686
Werttrew’s 10 Favorite Videogum Articles from 2010
These were mine. What were yours?
10. I love Salsa Dog! http://videogum.com/253942/good-dog-salsa-dog/top-stories/ and http://videogum.com/254092/post-your-salsa-dog-reaction-videos-here-and-everywhere/top-stories/
9. Sandra Bullock Sees a Boner Ghost: http://videogum.com/161451/ (Thanks to linernotesdanny for reminding me of it)
8. Old Spice guy responds to Gabe: http://videogum.com/201251/old-spice-guy-responds-to-old-spice-guy-internet-explodes/news/
(You can see the actual video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyv8J7VZcuw )
The article Old Spice is responding to: http://videogum.com/196831/don-draper-really-nailed-these-old-spice-ads/free-advertising/ )
7. Another great example of Gabe’s very funny, very poignant writing style: http://videogum.com/239241/epic-karate-fail-reminds-us-that-there-are-different-kinds-of-days-in-this-world/top-stories/
6. The Insane Clown Posse’s Cramazing "Miracles" video: http://videogum.com/166711/holy-shit-the-insane-clown-posse-miracles-video-is-fucking-cramazing/music-related-content/
5. It’s difficult to pick out any one of the Lost recaps, but let’s settle on the amazing season finale recap: http://videogum.com/184161/lost-s06e18-series-finale/tv/recaps/
4. Gabe and Max find Comic-Con awful: http://videogum.com/203621/comic-con-is-humanly-impossible/top-stories/ and http://videogum.com/203501/ive-made-a-terrible-mistake-comic-con2010/comic-con-2010/ Gabe’s expression with the My Little Pony is worth a thousands LOLs.
3. For my money, the best Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time ever written: http://videogum.com/246922/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-american-beauty/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
2. Mans wrote this to me: "Gabe's writing is incredible and then the video is really really moving. I loved it. One of my favorite things of the whole year." He’s right! http://videogum.com/224252/eventually-the-world-will-be-covered-in-ash-and-silence/webjunk/
1. Coppercab’s first rage video: "Gingas Have Soes!" Nothing made me laugh harder this year: http://videogum.com/109751/gingers_do_have_souls_claims_t/webjunk/vlogging/
More Coppercab: http://videogum.com/tag/coppercab/
PS: Coppercab’s latest video is a “comedy” sketch that’s painfully unfunny and he more or less outs himself as playing along the whole time. “Fake and Ginger.”—Youtube. But if you still want to watch it… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQdF2KcIxHY For completists only.
Honorable Mentions:
A) A personal highlight: http://videogum.com/228061/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-amelia/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
B) Double Rainbow didn’t belong to Videogum; it belonged to the world. But Double Rainbow is big enough for the entire world. TWSS. http://videogum.com/198261/double-rainbow-all-the-way/webjunk/viral-video/ My favorite parody? http://videogum.com/198792/double-kfc-drive-thru-all-the-way/parodies/
C) I can't believe I forgot Joe Mande's Brokencyde concert! http://videogum.com/249822/taking-one-for-the-team-the-brokencyde-concert-challenge/franchises/taking-one-for-the-team/
10. I love Salsa Dog! http://videogum.com/253942/good-dog-salsa-dog/top-stories/ and http://videogum.com/254092/post-your-salsa-dog-reaction-videos-here-and-everywhere/top-stories/
9. Sandra Bullock Sees a Boner Ghost: http://videogum.com/161451/ (Thanks to linernotesdanny for reminding me of it)
8. Old Spice guy responds to Gabe: http://videogum.com/201251/old-spice-guy-responds-to-old-spice-guy-internet-explodes/news/
(You can see the actual video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyv8J7VZcuw )
The article Old Spice is responding to: http://videogum.com/196831/don-draper-really-nailed-these-old-spice-ads/free-advertising/ )
7. Another great example of Gabe’s very funny, very poignant writing style: http://videogum.com/239241/epic-karate-fail-reminds-us-that-there-are-different-kinds-of-days-in-this-world/top-stories/
6. The Insane Clown Posse’s Cramazing "Miracles" video: http://videogum.com/166711/holy-shit-the-insane-clown-posse-miracles-video-is-fucking-cramazing/music-related-content/
5. It’s difficult to pick out any one of the Lost recaps, but let’s settle on the amazing season finale recap: http://videogum.com/184161/lost-s06e18-series-finale/tv/recaps/
4. Gabe and Max find Comic-Con awful: http://videogum.com/203621/comic-con-is-humanly-impossible/top-stories/ and http://videogum.com/203501/ive-made-a-terrible-mistake-comic-con2010/comic-con-2010/ Gabe’s expression with the My Little Pony is worth a thousands LOLs.
3. For my money, the best Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time ever written: http://videogum.com/246922/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-american-beauty/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
2. Mans wrote this to me: "Gabe's writing is incredible and then the video is really really moving. I loved it. One of my favorite things of the whole year." He’s right! http://videogum.com/224252/eventually-the-world-will-be-covered-in-ash-and-silence/webjunk/
1. Coppercab’s first rage video: "Gingas Have Soes!" Nothing made me laugh harder this year: http://videogum.com/109751/gingers_do_have_souls_claims_t/webjunk/vlogging/
More Coppercab: http://videogum.com/tag/coppercab/
PS: Coppercab’s latest video is a “comedy” sketch that’s painfully unfunny and he more or less outs himself as playing along the whole time. “Fake and Ginger.”—Youtube. But if you still want to watch it… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQdF2KcIxHY For completists only.
Honorable Mentions:
A) A personal highlight: http://videogum.com/228061/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-amelia/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/
B) Double Rainbow didn’t belong to Videogum; it belonged to the world. But Double Rainbow is big enough for the entire world. TWSS. http://videogum.com/198261/double-rainbow-all-the-way/webjunk/viral-video/ My favorite parody? http://videogum.com/198792/double-kfc-drive-thru-all-the-way/parodies/
C) I can't believe I forgot Joe Mande's Brokencyde concert! http://videogum.com/249822/taking-one-for-the-team-the-brokencyde-concert-challenge/franchises/taking-one-for-the-team/
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Top 10 Worst Comedy Club Names In America
Comedy Clubs have the worst names. That's no secret. But some of them are painfully, cringe inducingly bad. And if there's one thing I love it's making fellow Monsters cringe...
10. Dr. Grins - Grand Rapids, MI
Man, medical school is tough. No wonder doctors make so much money. It's unfortunate for this dude that he got through medical school in one piece and everything but since his surname is Grins he didn't get very far. I mean, would you want to get a pap smear from "Dr. Grins"? I certainly wouldn't and I'm a dude! So I guess you have no choice but to open a comedy club at that point. Sux 2 B Him.
9. Comedy Dawgs - Halifax
Anything with a W in it that doesn't need to be there is bad. Examples: "I Wuv You!", the White House.
8. Mixed Nuts - Los Angeles
I like my comedy clubs and genital euphemisms separate, thanks very much.
7. The Riot Act - Washington D.C.
Haha. Oh, man. I get it. Cause it's like a laugh riot but also it's like another thing that means something else. Hahaha. Oh, lord.
6. The Funny Farm - Atlanta
Sigh.
5. Snickerz - Ft. Wayne, IN
To borrow something from the world of Snicker Bar advertising...this one is just plain "chewpid".
4. Magooby's Joke House - Baltimore
If you're name is Magooby you have about 3 options. 1 is to change your name to something less goofy like Smith, 2 is to embrace it and become a clown and perform at kids parties and 3 is to take the middle of the road path and be kinda sorta wacky and open a comedy club with money your bitter and racist Grandfather left you in his will. Joke's on you, Grandpa.
3. The Brew Ha Ha - Rapid City, SD
Oh, man. This place is great. Cause right away you know you are going to get a couple of things once inside. You are probably going to get a beer of some sort and also probably at least a couple of laughs. Fuck that obscure shit. Tell it like it is.
2. Laugh Inn - Ft. Meyers, Florida
Get it?
1. Rooster T. Feathers - Sunnyvale, CA
This one just boggles my mind. What's funny about chickens? What does the T stand for? Do they serve chicken? Do chickens perform? EXPLAIN YOURSELF, MR. FEATHERS!
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