This site does not represent the views of

Bear with us while we get this organized. This site does not represent the views of Send submissions to Send tips to if they are not posted there, wait a while & send them to Take care, Stay Awesome.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Insomniac with The Narrator: Rock Band 3

Are you ready to ROCK?! No? Are you at least ready to read about ROCKING?! No? Are you capable of clicking on this link and be somewhat entertained by what I do while Thisismynightmare dreams about Ryan Gosling?

Whatever your reason, you have just entered the musical late night escapades of The Narrator. It is kind of my guilty pleasure, but I love rhythm games. I mean, it is just a little bit embarrassing to be a “grown man” and run around your house at night with a plastic guitar strapped to your chest. However, I fancy myself pretty good at the rhythm games and get a lot of pleasure from fake rocking out.

(Disclaimer: This is a game. I know that there will be at least one person who is going to be like, “You spend a lot of time playing this game, shouldn’t you just learn to play a real instrument?” Maybe you are right, but being good at this game is not equivalent to musical talent. I’m good at this game because I spent years playing VIDEOGAMES. Really, playing the guitar on this game is the equivalent of playing a one string guitar with only 5 frets. Furthermore, musical talent is the ability to think about the music while you are playing and adapt as you play. In rhythm games this is done for you.)

Alright, so like I said, I fancy myself pretty good at this game. So if I could, I would like to #unbrag about my fake rocking achievements…I once got the second highest score of all people on the Internets on one song.

I am currently ranked on the leaderboard as the 1259th highest scoring guitarist in Total Score.

There are approximately 1742 people in top one percent of Rock Band players. Let’s do the math…..carry the one….multiply by Just Desserts…..and that’s a little under 175,000 people. To be honest, this adds up your points on downloaded songs and I have a lot of downloaded songs, so take that with a grain of salt. However, 1259 out of 175,000 people is still something.

My goal for tonight is to beat some songs to see how far I can improve my rank.

So I grab my plastic George Harrison guitar controller, put in some new AA batteries (The hardcore batteries), and turn on my Playstation 3, cuz its Rock Band 3 night.

So anyways, the first thing you have to do before fake rocking is get your fake rocking avatar ready. So here I go…….

That tickles.

OK, warm up session. I like this song because I kick ass on it and it is not too hard and not too easy. As Baby Bear said, “It is just right.”
Just so you know this is a actual video of me playing.

I completely rocked that song’s face off 100%, expert mode. Yeah, that just happened!

You are probably wondering, how I can summarize an entire night of epic rocking in the quickest way possible? You have two minutes? Great! I put together a two minute video of highlights just for you!

I am going to be straight with you, I may have missed a note or two during the night (who’s counting?). But why would I put a video up of me sucking? Because it would be fair and balanced? What do you think this is FOX news? Actually, this is a lot like FOX news you interpret the stories how I tell you to.

You may have noticed that nightmare’s and my band name is The Kin Kins.

Behind the Music: We named the band after our dog Sage. Her nickname is Kins.

Now, I get done after a good session of late night rocking and I want to see if I improved my rank any. I have improved from 1259 overall to 600 out of 175,000. Suck on that IRL accomplishments! I’m sure there was nothing else I could have possibly accomplished in that time that would have a greater impact on my life.

Rock Band 3 seems silly and maybe it is, but it at least has one thing in common (at least for me) with playing a real instrument. When I was younger, I played the drums. I since had to give up music because I didn’t have the time or talent. What I mean is that I could totally be a rock star; I just don’t feel like it right now. Anywho, when I was a drummer, I would get a feeling, rush or almost spiritual connection when I hit a series of difficult notes perfectly. It is hard to describe, maybe a real musician could describe it better. While not as intense, Rock Band 3 lets me recreate that feeling in a way.

If you want to fake rock out you can get Rock Band 3 for around $45 and a guitar controller for around $59. I would suggest going to a game trade-in store. You can get it for cheaper there or online in a special bundle.

If you want to fake rock out with me, you can send me a friend invite over the PlayStation Network.

My PSN ID is Verson58 (Make sure you include your monster name in the message or I might ignore it).


  1. If you buy one of the pro guitars, you can actually learn how to play a real guitar using Rock Band 3. If you can already play guitar, it is a very good way to learn new songs. I say this, but I only sing when we play.

  2. I have the Pro Guitar. I can play it on medium for a few songs. I'm really waiting for the Fender Stratocaster controller. It is actual guitar that will work with Rock Band. The Pro Guitar they have now is 100+ buttons and 6 plastic rods. I don't like the feel of it.

  3. I can scratch a pretty mean mix in DJ Hero.

    This was enjoyable, Narrator. I am in awe of your virtual guitar prowess. Also, you're cute.

  4. I love rhythm games. Basically I love any games you can play while drunk, but here are a few to check out:

    Sings Star(now with guitar songs)
    Space Channel 5

    I didn't even know there was a rock band 3 but the real controller sounds cool. you can also plug in your drums to a pc and use it as a midi controller, just like a real instrument.

    My ps3 name is babysdayout (after the greatest john hughes movie of all time)as noted in the online monster game list, but I'm still waiting to get a real internet connection at my new place.

  5. Oh man, this post takes me back (like, two years).

    Yep, I was the lead singer of Swengel's Her0es. #antihumblebrag

    Haven't played Rock Band 3, though, but getting that high with a single is pretty tough. I don't think our guitarist ever did that well on any one song. Way to go.

  6. I'm still playing Rock Band 2. My guitar skills are stunted because for some reason whenever you have to keep playing the note twenty times in a row real fast, even if I think I'm keeping up the rhythm, it has me missing. I'm not sure what's going on, but its frustrating, and I feel like I've reached my peak.

    Vocally, though. I'm a motherfucking monster. Top 100 on a handful of songs. And yes, that includes Lady Gaga.

  7. I'm most impressed by your ability to translate real life into Rock Band avatars. Good work. I'm especially in love with Nightmare's character!

  8. I work in a short term group home with teenage boys with "behaviour issues". One summer when rock band was relatively new, we made a band called "the tasty pickles". All summer the boys and I would work through the playlist earning points and increasing in difficulty. I did the drums because nobody else wanted to, and I was pretty darn good.

    Through rock band I was able to communicate and build relationships with some really rough boys who had never done anything that looked like team work. It was awesome and I still get misty when I hear Green Grass and High Tides forever (though that might be guitar hero... whatever).

    I actually got a hug from one of them the other day. He's finishing up school and isn't dealing drugs anymore. Although of course it's impossible to say that Rock Band saved him, spending time playing mindless games ended up being a very positive endeavor and it certainly helped.

  9. Nice post, The Narrator. I spent the last day ro so coming back and skimming/glancing at it, but I just now read it and realized it is all about how you are very good at Rock Band guitar and your quest for rising up the leader boards. Very nice.

    Right after I graduated art school (That's right. AFTER I graduated), I bought Guitar Hero and played the shit out of it and it's sequel and Rock the 80's and then I ran out of money and rented Guitar Hero 3 and beat the ever-loving shit out of it in 7 days.

    I don't own a next-gen system, and once I became friends with Grinth here in LA we would hang out quite a bit and play GH3 and later Rock Band on his XBOX 360. I met Grinth through a mutual friend I went to high school with and he went to college with; all of us came from COlorado Springs and wound up in Southern California. And dare I say, GH3 was the friendship grease that oiled our wheels. Drinking, talking about movies, playing some rhythm games. Fuck yeah.

    I'm really good at playing the game's guitar. The best among my friends. my college friend and current roommate Dan stopped playing pro face-offs with me because he had no hope. I clearly played the game WAY more than he ever planned to. (Fun Fact! In NYC there's a bar called Piano's that used to have Guitar Hero 2 Night every Tuesday, and my fellow alumni college classmates made me request a night off from work so I could go, as I was a graphics assistant at a newspaper and worked nights. I went and defeated the reigning champion on the song 'Carry Me Home').

    Anyway, back to RB3. Grinth bought it a few months back and we played the shit out of it and it's always a good time. my avatar is RIDICULOUS. For some reason my avatars always have to have a ridiculous mustache and a cape, if both are available. And Aviators. Thankfully, RB3 delivers on all counts (as does RB2). Since I'm definitely a casual player at this point and don't own these games, the systems they're on, and have only heard rumors of the wonders of online gaming and leader boards, I have NO idea where I would place on a leader board. The competitive side of me hopes I would place pretty high. In this regard, your post was very educational for me! All in all, I think it's safe to say that this game promotes fun first and foremost, and if you can cut some heads online, so be it.

    Rock on, The Narrator. Maybe next time I'm at Grinth's on a Friday or Saturday night we'll see if we can find you online and jam out!

  10. Playing Rock Band was how I found out I can never play a real instrument. I have absolutely no rhythm(#whitepeopleproblems?)

  11. Yeah, what KajusX said. I used to be pretty good at the guitar myself back in the GH3 time period and for the record, since the only song that counts (I don't make the rules KajusX!) is Cult of Personality, I was better than KajusX. I'm not anymore though as these days I rather enjoy playing the drums with the full cymbal set.

    I actually got the keyboard #plasticinstrumentbrag with the full intention of learning how to play the thing, but so far it has remained largely untouched since I SUCK at keyboard. Any way your post has reminded me it has been too long since I've had a good Saturday Rock Band session with friends. Although the lack of playing may or may not be due to KajusX's insistence on wanting to "rub bare shoulders like real rock stars do". Stay away KajusX!

    All of this is to say your fake rocking skills are impressive Narrator.

  12. The only defense I have concerning the time you beat me on Cult of Personality is that it is your favorite song to play and that you own the game while I do not.

    what's so great about Cult of Personality anyway Gronth? All the notes? The solos and star power? I could go on b on.

  13. That's an interesting question, but more interesting to me is you didn't deny wanting to rub bare shoulders.