Insomniac with The Narrator: Rock Band 3

Are you ready to ROCK?! No? Are you at least ready to read about ROCKING?! No? Are you capable of clicking on this link and be somewhat entertained by what I do while Thisismynightmare dreams about Ryan Gosling?

Whatever your reason, you have just entered the musical late night escapades of The Narrator. It is kind of my guilty pleasure, but I love rhythm games. I mean, it is just a little bit embarrassing to be a “grown man” and run around your house at night with a plastic guitar strapped to your chest. However, I fancy myself pretty good at the rhythm games and get a lot of pleasure from fake rocking out.


(Disclaimer: This is a game. I know that there will be at least one person who is going to be like, “You spend a lot of time playing this game, shouldn’t you just learn to play a real instrument?” Maybe you are right, but being good at this game is not equivalent to musical talent. I’m good at this game because I spent years playing VIDEOGAMES. Really, playing the guitar on this game is the equivalent of playing a one string guitar with only 5 frets. Furthermore, musical talent is the ability to think about the music while you are playing and adapt as you play. In rhythm games this is done for you.)

Alright, so like I said, I fancy myself pretty good at this game. So if I could, I would like to #unbrag about my fake rocking achievements…I once got the second highest score of all people on the Internets on one song.



I am currently ranked on the leaderboard as the 1259th highest scoring guitarist in Total Score.

There are approximately 1742 people in top one percent of Rock Band players. Let’s do the math…..carry the one….multiply by Just Desserts…..and that’s a little under 175,000 people. To be honest, this adds up your points on downloaded songs and I have a lot of downloaded songs, so take that with a grain of salt. However, 1259 out of 175,000 people is still something.

My goal for tonight is to beat some songs to see how far I can improve my rank.

So I grab my plastic George Harrison guitar controller, put in some new AA batteries (The hardcore batteries), and turn on my Playstation 3, cuz its Rock Band 3 night.

So anyways, the first thing you have to do before fake rocking is get your fake rocking avatar ready. So here I go…….





That tickles.

OK, warm up session. I like this song because I kick ass on it and it is not too hard and not too easy. As Baby Bear said, “It is just right.”
Just so you know this is a actual video of me playing.



I completely rocked that song’s face off 100%, expert mode. Yeah, that just happened!

You are probably wondering, how I can summarize an entire night of epic rocking in the quickest way possible? You have two minutes? Great! I put together a two minute video of highlights just for you!



I am going to be straight with you, I may have missed a note or two during the night (who’s counting?). But why would I put a video up of me sucking? Because it would be fair and balanced? What do you think this is FOX news? Actually, this is a lot like FOX news you interpret the stories how I tell you to.

You may have noticed that nightmare’s and my band name is The Kin Kins.

Behind the Music: We named the band after our dog Sage. Her nickname is Kins.

Now, I get done after a good session of late night rocking and I want to see if I improved my rank any. I have improved from 1259 overall to 600 out of 175,000. Suck on that IRL accomplishments! I’m sure there was nothing else I could have possibly accomplished in that time that would have a greater impact on my life.

Rock Band 3 seems silly and maybe it is, but it at least has one thing in common (at least for me) with playing a real instrument. When I was younger, I played the drums. I since had to give up music because I didn’t have the time or talent. What I mean is that I could totally be a rock star; I just don’t feel like it right now. Anywho, when I was a drummer, I would get a feeling, rush or almost spiritual connection when I hit a series of difficult notes perfectly. It is hard to describe, maybe a real musician could describe it better. While not as intense, Rock Band 3 lets me recreate that feeling in a way.

If you want to fake rock out you can get Rock Band 3 for around $45 and a guitar controller for around $59. I would suggest going to a game trade-in store. You can get it for cheaper there or online in a special bundle.

If you want to fake rock out with me, you can send me a friend invite over the PlayStation Network.

My PSN ID is Verson58 (Make sure you include your monster name in the message or I might ignore it).