I'd Quit That: My Job

Gang - what a week we had this week! Libya! RIP Elizabeth Taylor! BLAISE!!! I, for one, am completely and emotionally spent. And guess what else happened this week. GUESS! Nope. Seriously, that's your guess? That is a terrible guess! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! The correct answer is: I quit my job.

So, as you are all aware our friend This Is My Nightmare has a regular column called "I'd Hit That" in which she emotionally scars her husband by living out her celebrity sex-fantasies on a pop-culture spin-off blog. Additionally, the consistently hilarious Videogum commenter Teacherman has a pop-culture spin-off blog spin-off column called "I'd Literally Hit That" in which he reveals a potentially horrifying blood-lust-y side of his personality which yearns to inflict physical harm on complete strangers. (I'm worried about Baby Friday, you guys.) We've also seen MOBFD posts on: I'd Spit That, I'd Knit That, and I'd Sit That (Chairs! We get it, FLW). This post is in the spirit of all of the above. I hope to not need to write another one for at least a couple of years.

Dusky Panther's Saturday Morning Cartoon

First, EGOT-winner Lawblog's season finale of Gums of Our Lives is required reading, but don't do it now. Kids who do homework on a Saturday are laaaaaaaame. (Also- Read the season recap leading up to the finale.)

Let's get hazed, yo!



Next Week: "Descensus in cuniculi cavum."

As always, the cartoon archive is open to the public.

To All the Monstahs...

So as most of you probably already know (and if you don't, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT), LCD Soundsystem will be playing their final show on Saturday, April 2nd, and Pitchfork announced today that they will be streaming it live. I propose that on this day, we gather in chat to enjoy this monumental (?????) occasion together, LIKE A FAMILY SHOULD. Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

Concert Addict's Weekly gif Round-Up

Yay! Thursday Night Thread returned to Videogum this week! But I still have a ton of unused gifs. Enjoy!

These images were found all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

Taking One for the TV: Teen Mom 2: S01E11

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Breaking Bad, 30 Rock, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst. I watch bad TV so you don't have to!

LBT's Generic Book Corner: The Maltese Falcon

In the very depths of my soul, I like to think that I am the protagonist of a hard-boiled PI drama. Cynical, savvy, and as Raymond Chandler described, "a complete man and a common man and yet an unusual man. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a man of honor. He talks as the man of his age talks, that is, with rude wit, a lively sense of the grotesque, a disgust for sham, and a contempt for pettiness." (Only, you know, a woman). There is something very noble about the hard-boiled detective, someone who feels keenly, but is not guided by those feelings - who does what is right, no matter the personal cost.

What draws me to characters like Spade, and like Jane Eyre, is how they live by their convictions. I admire that they do not bend to emotion when push comes to shove. I am not sure if I am strong enough to live that way, but I have to appreciate the ones who do.

I suspect that my love of trench coats and hats stems from this. I know my affection for whisky is born from watching one too many marathons of Marlow and Hammett film adaptations. Sadly, for me at least, that is where my similarities with this character end. While I like to think of myself as stoic, the truth is I shout far too much about clowns and Cthulhu to actually believe that is the case. And let's be honest, I do not have the chutzpah to follow the clues to the bitter, bitter end. "Meh. It'll sort itself out eventually" - detective me.

R.I.P. Your Productivity: A Treasure Chest Filled with Shame and Regret

Hello.

Maybe you have noticed that there was no post regular post on Monday (but probably not I imagine. Like, I think someone, or something, would have to remind you it wasn't there). I won't name names as to whose fault it was *cough* Beariffying *cough* but there will be a post on Monday and Wednesday next week so Yay! I'm sure whoever failed to meet the deadline of ONE SINGLE FUCKING BLOG POST EVERY TWO WEEKS is feeling very sorry about what they did, and if they're not, they will be. Oh, they will be.

Gums of Our Lives: Episode 16: Season 1 Finale

After the jump, the conclusion to Season 1 of "Gums of Our Lives"
“Let me repeat. Y’all are trespassin’.”
Mountains Beyond Mountains stared at the two women lying captive on the floor. “What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“We’re sorry?” Briadru4 shrugged. “It was not our intention to trespass on anyone’s property.”
“Then what you doin’ out in my woods and eatin’ my fruit baskets?”
“Again, we’re really sorry about that,” Briadru4 gestured her head to Thisismynightmare. “Some of us ignored warnings from other ones of us to not eat the food.”
“I don’t deal in hypotheticals, young lady. Tell me what went down.”
So Briadru4 told her the story of what “went down,” from drinking with the Super Exclusive Best Friends Club to the return of Teacherman to their capture by and subsequent escape from the Winbot, ending with their second incarceration by Mountains Beyond Mountains and her gang. The entire time, Mountains Beyond Mountains sat there, unmoving, occasionally interjecting with a question of clarification. When the story was finished she called over Fozzy the Chair and Dusky Panther. They conferred briefly and inaudibly before coming to what seemed to be a consensus.

Elizabeth Taylor film school

Obviously at this point we know that Elizabeth Taylor has died. Let's use this opportunity to discuss how we feel about her movies. Which is your favorite? Which is your least favorite? Underrated/overrated?

Personally, I don't understand the appeal of Giant. It feels like an absolute mess to me, and even the brilliant actors in it aren't used to their full capacity.

On the other side of the spectrum, you have Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, which is easily one of the best films ever made. Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor always had amazing chemistry both on and off screen, but this is where it truly shines. Most people only think of how well two actors work together when they're playing love scenes, and in a way they are in this. But the majority of the movie is them taking pockshocks at each other which seem terrible and vitriolic, but also endearing in the sense that you can tell that they still really love each other. Or maybe that's just my WASP upbringing talking.

Dear Mountie

Well, FINALLY, right? It's been a while, and I know you've missed me. But APPARENTLY people's lives are running smoothly, which is great for them but bad for business (the advice business, which I am in, but wouldn't really call a business, because I am making ZERO money off of this enterprise, because of how selfless and kind-hearted I am. LOLOLOL).

ANYWAY, this week's question is all about breakin' up, which is hard to do.

How do I break up with my long time boyfriend? we've been living together for a while but I feel almost responsible for him. I eventually want to have kids but he feels content just doing the same with no immediate or long time plans for the future.

Another Spiderman: The Musical injury

From CNN:

The show, which is still in previews, was supposed to open earlier this month. However, the musical's debut was put off for the sixth time after the producers replaced their director. The producers said the delay would give the show's creators time to work on various revisions, including improving the musical arrangements and sound quality.

The $65 million stage version of the Spider-Man story is now scheduled to open in early summer.

MOBFD has obtained gruesome footage of the accident.

Foodin' with Lawblog: Your 5 Favorites in recipes!

So, Thisismynightmare asked if people sent their 5 favorite foods, would I make a recipe using them? I said “sure." Keep in mind I do not have the time, money, or inclination to test all of these. These are things that I think would taste good if combined, prepared this way. Some of these recipes contained elements I’ve made before, but never combined quite in this way. That's basically a convoluted way of saying, "Don't blame me if these taste terrible." I don't think they will. In fact, I think they will be delicious. "When it comes to food, I am never wrong about anything." -Marcel and Lawblog. Without further ado, our first two recipes after the jump.

Twitterdare #1: tweet a pic of the back of the head from the person closest to you right now

 Welcome to the inaugural, unnecessarily long-titled, first Twitterdare post. This is where I collect the tweets that you send me after I send out a challenge. You never know what's going to happen in here, one day you might be skiing down the Swiss Alps with a machine gun, another day you might be riding a jet ski over the amazon with helicopters chasing you.  It's  probably just going to be taking pics of stupid stuff and tweeting  things and such, really.

Insomniac with The Narrator: Rock Band 3

Are you ready to ROCK?! No? Are you at least ready to read about ROCKING?! No? Are you capable of clicking on this link and be somewhat entertained by what I do while Thisismynightmare dreams about Ryan Gosling?

Whatever your reason, you have just entered the musical late night escapades of The Narrator. It is kind of my guilty pleasure, but I love rhythm games. I mean, it is just a little bit embarrassing to be a “grown man” and run around your house at night with a plastic guitar strapped to your chest. However, I fancy myself pretty good at the rhythm games and get a lot of pleasure from fake rocking out.

Monster Fit Club: Week 12

Oh wow! I can't believe we have been going at this for 3 months now! Everyone is doing so great. I am so glad I have you guys to talk to about this and keep me on track. Also, If you haven't read Anchor Management's weight loss journey yet, get on that shit now!

In the mean time, let's see how everyone did this week.

Who taught you how to do a bicycle kick?

I was going to make a bunch of these but my Internet kept going out. Even though I'm not a particularly religious man, I am very superstitious; so I only made the one. I don't mean to offend, just thought it would be somewhat funny.

Godsauce Alters This Week's Family Circus

Today's edition is my favorite of the week, because it has a subtlety that is often lacking in these alterations. On the other hand, if you don't pay attention to what's going on, it's easy to miss the joke. Dolly hates seeing Jeffy getting all the attention.

More Family Circus alterations and bonus comics from http://familycircus.tumblr.com/ after the jump!