Dusky Panther's Saturday Morning Cartoon

Hope you dig purple spandex, you cocksuckers. (Headphones up, if necessary.)


Next week: "Et nunc reges intelligite erudimini qui judicatis terram."

As always, the cartoon archive is open to the public.

the brutalized housewife: part 2

And most notoriously, we have this. I personally don't feel remiss in suggesting that the entire Twilight series is an affront to women in general. The notion that a woman has to choose between two guys who are both on the constant verge of destroying her, that she should be completely submissive to her male counterparts and constantly demure, it's a very offensive idea, and even more so when you see how it is geared towards pre-teens. The last in the series, Breaking Dawn, was given the British Book Award for Children's Book of the Year! Which just goes to make what follows all the more disturbing.

the brutalized housewife: sexual violence in the american bestseller

I don't really read bestsellers. Not when they're at the top of the charts anyway. I find the majority of bestsellers are the 400th book by a celebrated author I've never read before or simply the book the latest film is based upon. Right now, the top sellers list is populated by such titles as Beastly, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, The Lincoln Lawyer, and Water for Elephants. However, the past couple of weeks saw me with the nation's 9th best selling novel The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I didn't really know much about it aside from its massive popularity, and that there are Swedish adaptations to all three Stieg Larsson novels on Netflix Instant. So I decided to give it a shot.

Concert Addict's Weekly gif Round-Up

Concert Addict's Weekly gif Round-Up
Computer Epilepsy, Concert Addict, gif round-up, GIFs

Looks like no Thursday Night open thread on videogum today so I'm putting all the gifs here. Enjoy!

These images were found all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

I'd Hit That: Viral Video Countdown

We all love viral videos, so at the suggestion of one Mr. Christopher Trash I am doing a Top Five countdown of the viral video stars I would most like to have sexual relations with. Now, you may be surprised to learn that it is really hard to find a decent list of dudes I am attracted to who have released a viral video. Needless to say, this was quite challenging, but I think I have succeeded in making a good list. I regret to inform you that Double Rainbow guy, Antoine Dodson and Salsa Dog did not make the cut. These guys did make the list though:

Legends of Note: Japan Edition

Hello again, monster friends. Last time I said I would talk about Leonard Cohen for this installment of Legends of Note. As you can see from the title of this post, I am not going to do so.

As someone who has spent much of his life devoted to the study of Japanese language, literature, and film, has lived and studied in Japan, and has many friends still living in Japan, last week’s earthquake and subsequent tsunami has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am heart-broken and extremely worried for friends and strangers alike, and mourn the destruction of Sendai, a beautiful city I was lucky enough to spend some time in.

So, I’ve decided to take a break from scouring the web for news and force myself to do something positive. This installment of Legends of Note is dedicated to 4 Japanese bands that have indeed become legends of the Japanese indie scene, although criminally unknown outside of Asia.

First off is Supercar, my personal favorite. Active between 1995 and 2005, Supercar have an extremely solid discography, ranging from their early, Jesus and Mary Chain-esque noise-pop (see videos 1 and 2) to their later electronic/experimental work (video 3). Track down “Highvision” in particular, one of my favorite albums of all time.

LBT's Generic Book Corner: Jane Eyre

Rumor has it there is another movie version of Jane Eyre coming out (j/k, I have had this marked down in my Hello Kitty dayplanner for months!), so why not talk about it, I asked myself while hiding in the women's room at work and desperately brainstorming ways to put off unpleasant tasks (j/k again, I love my job (Hi Howie, the company computer guy! Your beard is awesome, but not as awesome as YOU!)). So, in other words: Stop! Jane Eyre time!

I have to be honest: I have the distinct feeling I have already discussed this book, but a brief search did not show any results. If so, you should still read this because I am still going to post it, and I do hope to be funny. People like funny, right? (wipes flopsweat)

Taking One for the TV: Teen Mom 2 S1E10

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Mad Men, Community, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst. I watch bad TV so you don't have to!

Gums of Our Lives: Season 1 recap

Don’t you hate it when you’re waiting for the season finale of a show but instead they do a recap episode? BOOM!

The story begins in the house of Thisismynightmare and The Narrator, the former of whom is unhappy in her marriage because the latter spends all of his time in his basement laboratory after he was dismissed from the University of Internet Science and Blog Technology. She decides to leave him for her eflirt, Just Desserts, at the urging of her therapist, Dr. Principal Enchman.

On the way out of the house she gets a phone call from her sister, Baby Friday, who informs her that her husband, Teacherman, was at the University when there was an explosion, and now she can’t find him. Thisismynightmare decides not to go to Just Desserts, but rather visit her sister. They go to the police station, where Detective Werttrew shows them the remains of Teacherman’s trademark tweed jacket. They are sad.

Meanwhile, in the basement laboratory, The Narrator is finishing work on his most diabolical creation yet: The Winbot. He goes to tell his wife, but finds her missing. In response he unleashes the Winbot to find and troll her.

Monster Roundup: SXSW Edition

I love music festivals but I hate deciding what bands to see. It's just to much pressure I tells ya. Let me help you decide with some monster related bands:

OG Videogum commenter TV Party is a member of Ringo Deathstarr. I'm no music critic, so the only thing I'll say is that they remind me of the last hours of a really pleasant mushroom trip. Perhaps one where you are hanging out with some great friends, drinking tea or Guinness and the chair you are sitting on turns into a hippopotamus. Your grandma brings you snacks (I love my grandma, I don't know about you). They will be playing the following dates:

Rebecca Black/ Pumpkin head mashup

I made this because I love you.

An amusing image from the internet

Hater’s Guide to Football’s Offseason

This is an addendum piece to my last piece about March Madness that I wrote before I wrote the piece about March Madness so maybe the piece on March Madness is an addendum piece to this piece. Peace.

Football is over. No longer can you spend your weekends watching giant men kill each other slowly with blows to the head. Seriously, if you like football you are a disgusting monster! Perhaps that is why it is such a wildly popular in this country; we are ALL disgusting monsters. I miss football. Yeah, that’s right, The Hater pines for something. I long for football because it is the fan community that most embraces irrational hating. Football fans, especially college fans, are allowed to loathe the very fiber of rivals’ and completely random teams’ being for no reason at all and it is acceptable.  How great is that? I can say something like “Fuck the Florida Gators, I hope every one of their players contracts Hepatitis and the campus burns to the ground” and most people wouldn't bat an eyelash (for real though, fuck you, GAY-tors). It’s simply great; never does a true hater feel happier than when they are laying on the couch with a beer resting on their gut and screaming at the TV because the Dallas Cowboys are a bunch of over-paid pussies.

People Who May Have Been Flirting with Me: The Roads Not Taken

Having recently come to the end of stunted, disappointing romantic relationship, I find myself drifting back and lingering on “what might have been.” Specifically, reviewing all the times people flirted with me, but I didn't realize it until many moons later, because I am oblivious and suspicious of the motives of everyone who talks to me. Literally months later I would think about these interactions and think, “Wait, what?” I'm pretty slow about everything. I am also this way with feeling angry. I get mad about stuff like years after it happens. I am just now feeling outraged about the cancellation of "Firefly." We should really get a petition going.


Dan
I think this guy's name was Dan. I feel like every guy I knew in college was named Dan. One time I did not remember someone from a party and he called me on it, but I correctly guessed that his name was Dan. Who didn't remember who now, other Dan who this anecdote is not even about?

This Dan was maybe trying to hook up with a girl in the dorm room next to mine. I don't really remember. But our friendship was borne of him constantly passing by my door. He used to make fun of how ridiculous my then-boyfriend was (2 tru, Dan. 2 tru), who was a proto-foodie and obsessed with Bob Dylan and an exercise bulimic and had recently lost a lot of weight after looking exactly like Rosie O'Donnell.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus on Tumblr

Since it seems that the consensus is against the daily updates here, I will be doing a weekly comics rundown on Sundays from now on. For those of you who enjoy reading the daily alterations, they will continue to be posted every day on my new tumblr: http://familycircus.tumblr.com. Please hit the heart and reblog them to show your support.

Monster Fit Club: Week 11

First of all, let me apologize on my late post. I know we typically do these in the AM, but I had a busy weekend and a busy day today, so just deal with it, people.

Time to face the scale!

The Hater’s Guide to March Madness and/or I Hate College Basketball

Houston, we have a ZZzzzblem.

I’m going to let you all in on a secret: college basketball season starts in November.

I’ll give you a sec to wipe off the drapes because your mind just exploded.

…

Yeah, it’s true! College basketball DOES exist outside of the month of March. Could’ve fooled me. I cannot think of any other sport that is so heavily focused on such a small portion of its season. That one month though! Seems like all of a sudden you can’t escape it. Perhaps that’s the point. The powers that be realized long ago that college basketball is the lamest major college sport and decided to just commoditize the shit out of its post season in hopes of attracting more mainstream acceptance. There is no doubt in my mind that the NCAA went down to Sterling Draper Cooper Pryce one sunny afternoon wearing their finest fedoras and simply said, “Don, tell us what we want.”

A Monster's Guide: Dealing with Canadians

First of all, I love being Canadian. It's super neat! Secondly, Canadians are really fucking annoying.

I could end this "column" there and feel satisfied, but in true annoying Canadian style let me expound on this statement of absolute truth. Let me elucidate, enlighten and enspire you. My goal is to offer you, my non-Canadian monster friends, the tools necessary to communicate with and appreciate your enigmatic Northern cousins.

But before I get into what makes Canadians so fucking annoying, I think the first thing we need to do is acknowledge the elephant in the room. By ignoring that elephant we give it power, and no one likes powerful elephants. I'm talking of course, about the "Celebrity Scoop" sketch from this weekend's episode of SNL. If you are an American in America you can watch the clip over here, but since Hulu discriminates against foreigners I can't even get a link to embed the video. Thankfully it's on youtube. Hold on kids, this one is super high def:

Insomniac with The Narrator: PhotoShop

Who has two thumbs and an unhealthy sleep schedule, this guy! It’s 5:30 AM and Thisismynightmare has just left for work. I’m still here as awake as ever. For those of you who missed my first post. This is “Insomniac with The Narrator.” I have (self-diagnosed) onset insomnia …… for the most part I can fight to go to sleep, so it doesn’t really affect me in my day to day operations. However, on weekends or when I have nothing to do the next day, I don’t bother fighting and just let it take me on crazy late night adventures.



OK, you got me. Adventures are a little bit of an overstatement. I watch TV, play video games and surf the internet. However, that’s not what I am bringing to you this day. One of my new favorite things to do, now that I’m a Monster, is to play on Photoshop. I especially like to Photoshop other monsters in what I consider funny situations. I mean most ordinary things become funny once you stick a friend’s avatar in it, or at least it is funny to me. So tonight I pulled out some of what I consider my “greatest hits” in picture creation and I also made some new ones just for this post. Two of these pictures were inspired by the riveting first season of everyone’s favorite MOBFD post “Gums of Our Lives.”
Here are some oldies but goodies.

R.I.P. Your Productivity

Hi again! How are you? Please tell me in the comments how you are in the comments. I bet you did not think I really wanted to know how you are, but then then I was all "I am very serious about this very serious issue." I am the new King of Pranks. Get out of here Tom Pranks!* But seriously, let's get down to not business.

Godsauce Alters Today's Family Circus

It has recently been suggested that this feature is updated too often. I think that once a day is reasonable, but I've posted more often recently because of requests. It was proposed that I only post once a week, but others have said that they enjoy reading this every morning. Perhaps those people were just being polite. I don't know. Please use the comment section to give your thoughts. Should I continue to do this daily and include any bonus comics in the daily posts, or should I do it weekly, or should I just quit doing it altogether?

Podcast?

Hey there monsters! There have been talks going around about possibly doing a MOBFD podcast. I say enough talks. Lets do this thing! I would like to compile any audio submissions that monsters may have and put them together with introductions and interludes. i will host and have guest hosts if any one has audio recording capabilities + skype. soooo.......ideas for submissions:

original songs (either funny or not)

poems

comedy pieces

audio versions of MOBFD segments

what ever you want to do.

please send all audio submissions and or questions to hatingothers@gmail.com.

please send in the highest quality mp3 you can. if you require more space than can be emailed let me know.

thoughts?

-papes

Foodin' With Lawblog: 5 Favorites

I never really understood missionaries before. Why do they care about spreading the word of the lord? Why do they care if people convert? Now that I’ve gotten really into food, I totally get it. We, as people, want to share the experiences of things we love with as many people as possible, and we don’t understand it when people aren’t interested. “What do you mean you’ve never had chicken heart yakitori? It’sthe greatest thing in the world!” -Me. I feel this need compulsively. I hate picky eaters the way the bible-belt people hate atheists. It just doesn’t make sense to me. With that in mind, I decided to share my five favorite foods. This list is by no means complete. These are also not my favorite “dishes.” With the exception of one, these are all available to buy directly from your favorite grocery store or specialty food shop. If I were to commit a murder, be convicted (unlikely, because I watch so much CSI so I know HOW CRIMINALS THINK), and sentenced to death row, some combination of these items would be involved in my last meal. Note that I am not including main proteins, per se, but rather condiments and the like. I don’t have religion, but I have food, and if I can get one person to try one of these things that they otherwise wouldn’t have, I feel like I’ve done some good in the world.

1) Sriracha

#WeNamedOurCatTomClancy #WeNamedOurCatJudithButler

Judith Butler is on top of the fridge again - BabyFriday
Whew, Tom Clancy has some serious gas tonight. - Teacherman
Oh Tom Clancy, stop licking your butt! - Teacherman
Clearly Tom Clancy is Team Mystery Butt - KelBurrows
Judith Butler keeps throwing up in my favorite shoes. - ThisIsMyNightmare
Uh oh, Judith Butler done got knocked up. - KelBurrows
Judith Butler is giving birth to kittens in the garage. - BabyFriday

Hi gang, as some of ya'll may have I heard, I was in Atlanta (hence the gratuitous ya'll usage) this weekend for business and had the opportunity to spend an evening with Videogum power couple The TeacherFridays as well as semi-celebrity Videogum guest-blogger and hitter of celebrity men, ThisIsMyNightmare. Sadly, there was no full Monster meetup to be had as both Nightmare and I were exhausted and the thought of even straying from the couch to refill our cocktail glasses was daunting enough (spoiler alert: Teach made a lot of trips to the kitchen to keep the liquid fun flowing). This post is not intended to be a full recap of said visit but there was a point in the evening where we were laughing ourselves into a collective hysterical fit and realized that we were playing a best new party game - a REAL best new party game like at a real party with real people and it seriously was, in fact, the best. I extend my apologies to all Monsters involved, given that the game was *gasp* spoken rather than Tweeted and the fact that my brain is not particularly photogenic (seriously guys, my brain always looks so fat in pictures), I've probably butchered and mis-attributed 80% of these. Rest assured my intentions are simply to capture the moment as best I can because HOLY SHIT was it funny.