#happinessisawarmmeme

I read the news today a-NO DOY -- MrAdventureman

Magical Mystery MOAR. -- batteredgnome

Hide yo kids, hide yo day in the life -- thekelburrows

A Day in th LOLfe amirite? -- batteredgnome

She reads the text that is lying there/The fountain water is soaking her hair / She breaks down and cries to her husband 'Daddy, my shame is gone!' -- MrAdventureman

Here Comes the Antoine Dodson -- teacherman

She Loves You're The Man Now Dog -- batteredgnome

PSYCHE Dreamers Do -- kelburrows

Jeremy London't Let Me Down -- teacherman

We All Live In A Double Rainbow -- Ian

Fucking Magical Mystery Tours How Do They Work? -- Ian

Filling a Hole (That's What She Said) -- MrAdventureman

Dear Mountie Update!

So I just signed up for this thing called Formspring, where you can ask questions anonymously? It was suggested in the comments and Chris thought it was a good idea, so I signed up for it! You can ask me anything, anonymously, and I will respond in my advice column. It's probably safer than emailing someone you don't really know who might be a weirdo (which I am NOT...kind of). So here's the link! http://www.formspring.me/mtnsbeyondmtns Give me a problem, and I will give you a solution! Unless it's a math problem, 'cause I'm a girl.

Concert Addict's Weekly Unused gif Round-Up

Even though I usually manage to fill the SNL & Thursday Night TV threads to overflowing with .gifs, there are always a ton left over that I just never get around to using. It's really sad to let these gifs go to waste so I figured I would dump them (in no particular order) here on MOBFD for you all to enjoy.

These gifs were "found" all over the internet. Some may even have been made by me.

Best Dances

By Hipsterdad
These are the greatest dances of the last cycle of the Xia calendar. Rooster was excluded for obvious reasons.
In condescending order:

Purple: Krumping & Clowning. Everyone thinks of this as the cool underground dance... that's why it's not ranked higher.

Legends of Note: Sonic Youth

Hello friends, welcome to another installment of Legends of Note. Today we’ll take a look at one of the most popular, most enduring American independent bands of all time, Sonic Youth. 3 decades and some 16 albums in SY has been a mainstay in the rock underground, influencing more bands than I could even try to recount. But you know all this, right? I mean, SY recently released a “greatest hits” through Starbucks, they’ve been on the Simpsons, they sneeze and Pitchfork reports. Which, really, is all very well deserved.

I think I knew of SY as a concept long before ever hearing their music. The idea of a band that didn’t play “real chords,” didn’t properly tune their guitars, were punk but weren’t “punk,” it was all very inspiring, even without owing a copy of “Daydream Nation.” It’s a bit unfortunate, then, that the first SY record I did hear was 1994’s “Experimental Jet Set, Trash, and No Star,” a record interesting in its own right, but not necessarily the album most representative of their sound. I didn’t really get it. It wasn’t catchy, but it wasn’t overtly subversive either. When I moved on to “Dirty,” I remember thinking, “Yes, this is it. This is what I want SY to sound like.”

Monster Fit Club Check in

Hi,

Welcome to week three of the "Monster Fit Club Check In". If you have some movies, stories, images that inspire you, send them to me and I will post & credit you here. Post your progress & diet tips over at Mrs. Nightmare's Weblog column.

My apologies for not bringing this to you earlier, my E-machine can't handle the new version of Internet explorer and the blog's administrator did not get back to me on time. So until I get this fixed, I will try to get this to you as I can. Anyways, let's get down to it.

I'd Literally Hit That: Jon Hamm

Hello, children. It's me, teacherman, and it's time once again for everyone's favorite game:

So, here's how we play. As you may be aware, Mrs. Nightmare currently has a thread entitled "I'd Hit That" in which she outlines in graphic detail the many ways in which she longs to have extra-marital coitus with such celebrities as William "The Refrigerator" Perry and Eugene Levy. My posts are similar in nature in that they discuss celebrities I would like to hit -- the only difference is, instead "hit" being a euphemism for "rawdog," I am using the term literally. TWIST!

Monster Movie Club: Unforgiven

#altcareersforlarrythecableguy

Get 'er identified! -Larry the Label Guy -- thereallawblog


Get 'er mucked! -Larry the Stable Guy -- thereallawblog


Get 'em furred. Larry the Sable Guy -- mr_lloyd_wrong


I can get 'er done - Larry the Able Guy -- thereallawblog


Get 'em storied! -Larry the Fable Guy -- thereallawblog


Git'er in either v-neck or crew! - Larry the Cable-Knit Sweater Guy -- _wwwest


Get 'er planed! -Larry the Table Guy -- thereallawblog


Would you like lox or cream cheese- Larry The Bagel Guy -- muddymudskipper


Get 'em misspelled. - Larry The Kable Guy -- mr_lloyd_wrong


Get er influenced by subversive, perhaps insidious means! - Larry the Cabal Guy -- Huck


Get 'er translated! -Larry the Babel Guy -- thereallawblog


Git 'er short-stacked! -Larry the Maple Guy -- lilikoililikoi


Get 'er Cained! -Larry the Abel Guy -- thereallawblog


Git'er tucked back! - Larry the (Stage name) Mabel Guy -- _wwwest


Get 'er out of that little kid's mouth! -Larry the Play-do Guy -- Huck


Get 'er a radio-friendly single here - Larry the Label Guy -- thekelburrows


Get 'er notes from the director! -Larry the Playbill Guy -- thereallawblog


Git 'er skinned and tanned! - Larry the Sable Guy -- _wwwest

Gums of Our Lives: Episode 10

Previously, on Gums of Our Lives:

“That’s what she said!” “Who ARE you?” What happened?” “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US?????” “I work alone.” “Is it permanent, Dr. Doctor Girlfriend?” “Shut up.” “Oh, dear. This is a spot of bother.” “NOW!”

*********************************

Before we continue with the story, it is necessary to explain a few things about the Winbot, and, in turn, his creator. When creating an artificial intelligence, one can program certain abilities to aid in its performance of its dedicated task. However, due to the aforementioned intelligence, the created often is able to learn new skills and abilities that its creator had never intended. In the case of the Winbot, he is actually quite skilled in many respects that The Narrator never envisioned. He is adept at pointing out hypocrisy. He has a preternatural ability to find racism and denounce it. His aesthetic sense, in particular, is more finely tuned than The Narrator could have dreamed. However, there are many basic skills that the Winbot never acquired by virtue of being created in a laboratory. One of those skills yet acquired is that of predicting human behavior. In the mind — if you can call it that — of the Winbot, humans behave in a very specific pattern. There is no concept of motivation behind their actions, other than basic wants: food, sleep, pretty girls, pogs. That is why, when he went to open the van doors, he was not prepared for the force generated by the kicking Briadru4 and Thisismynightmare.

The Winbot stumbled backwards, question marks flashing on his chest, as the two young women leapt out of the van. They stumbled on the gravel but quickly regained their footing.

“Quickly! This way!” Briadru4 shouted, grabbing Thisismynightmare’s arm and pulling her into the woods.

“Where are we going?” Thisismynightmare panted, out of breath.

“It doesn’t matter. Just away from here.”

Concert Log #5: Peter, Bjorn & John

Another week, another concert. Peter, Bjorn & John blew into town and played 4 small shows all over LA in 3 days. The shows were to debut the music off their forthcoming Gimme Some which comes out in March. I caught their final show Monday night at Bardot in Hollywood.

Monster Roundup

In this Column we will try to bring you the weekly monster happenings going on around the web.

February 1st, 2010

Around the web.

Gabe has a fan page started by DS3M & I found the video of him & Gabe Liedman on VH1. Like the Gabe stuff? Lets hop aboard the way back machine and listen to a piece he did on This American Life.

If you live in NY, you might want to head over to Brooklyn and check out these honorary monsters every Wednesday.

For those monsters who miss Lindsay be sure to check out her Tumblr, she will also be writing a new column soon. We'll keep you updated.

Steve Winwood is the foremost art critic that I know, check out his writings on The Sunbreak. 

Commercials That Annoy Me - OLPC: John Lennon

For a while now, I've wanted to write a series about television commercials that have internal logical flaws that confuse and infuriate me. In theory, I would provide amusing commentary that ridicules the advertisements, explicating their problematic elements in a pithy and delightful way.




Unfortunately, I have not been watching much television lately, and my brain has been jettisoning its cargo of annoying commercial data to make room for some shit about single-step elimination reactions. Apparently, these reactions are important for some admissions test.




I did come across this stupefyingly atrocious example of a nonprofit PSA, but I am afraid that watching it just now has broken my mind beyond repair.





A Message from John Lennon
Uploaded by olpcfoundation. - News videos hot off the press.




Please try to take up my slack on this maiden blogage, and I will try this again if I come across another annoying commercial. Also, if anyone finds any bits of brain lying around, please return them to me at your convenience.

Thank you.

Frank's Ranks: Friends for Dinner

Lawblog's post on things he'd spit (Hi, Lawblog) got me thinking about the lists I routinely make up to entertain me as I toil through this waking life. Thought maybe I'd start sharing them on a regular basis.

Please to enjoy, Frank's Ranks

The Order in Which I Would Eat The Cast of Friends If We Were All Stuck On A Desert Island and Ran Out of Food:

1. David Schwimmer -- Listen, the whole eating another person thing is kind of a taboo, but I think I could break the ice with the rest of the group by making a joke like "Who's ready for another serving of Ross Sauce?"Ha ha! See, not so bad. Plus, he seems to be the biggest real life jerk out of all of them. Not funny, kinda homely, a good amount of meat on his bones. Excellent #1.

How tall is Brad Pitt?

Have you ever wondered if you were the same height as Brad Pitt?  You haven't? Listen buddy, you don't have to lie to me. In fact, I found a website for all your celebrity height questions. 

There you can find all your info on Ryan Gosling, Christina Hendricks, Gwyneth Paltrow, Topher Grace, and more.

Be sure to also check out, their article on shoe-lifts and user heights.

Spoiler Alert: Brad Pitt is, arguably, 5'11''

I'd Spit That!

Here is a list of things that I would spit:

1. Watermelon Seeds
2. Olive Pits
3. Sunflower Shells
4. A Roast Pig
5. Sick Rhymes

Freak Out!: Return to Oz Edition

When I was a kid, I got freaked out by a lot of things. Join me as delve into these moments and see if I still think they still freak me out.

So you baby monsters may not remember this, but before Blu-Rays there were DVD's, before that VCR's and before there was appointment television! You couldn't record something on TV and watch it later, you had to watch it when it happened, which means if your Model-T broke down on a trip to the chemists to purchase some tooth powder, then you were shit out of luck on watching your programs that night.

I bring this up because when I was a kid in these dark times, each year one of the three networks used to show the Wizard of Oz and it was A BIG DEAL! You couldn't just pick up a copy of the movie and watch it anytime willy nilly, you had to wait until TV told you it was on. Then, it was a madcap thrill ride in TECHNICOLOR!

Now THAT is funny. A Shocking Lack of Lolcats Edition.

One of my favorite blogs of all-time was a sports-themed blog (Gents, are you paying attention? I read sports blogs!) written by an anonymous woman from Indianapolis. One of the blogs regular features was one in which she played fantasy football against herself - one team when she was sober and the opposing team when she was drunk. Sober her started Tom Brady. Drunk her started (as she wrote) Joe Flaaaaccccooooo. It was high comedy but sadly the blog just stopped being updated one day. Such is the nature of funny things on the internet, I suppose.

I had intended for this week's column to be the fan fiction piece I have been writing in which Tilda Swinton stars in a cinematic remake of Kenny Roger's 1982 movie about a race car driver that reluctantly adopts a half dozen rambunctous orphans and learns the true meaning of love titled Six Pack but, sadly, it's not ready yet. The story is just so beautiful that I cry and cry every time I work on it and I have shorted out six different laptops as of last Tuesday as result. In lieu of "Bearded Tilda's Bawdy Brood" (this is still a working title, by the way) I'm going to highlight some of my favorite funny things from around the web. Ding dong, obviously I won't waste anyone's time pointing out Videogum, BestWeekEver, The Onion, or the awesomely funny Monster authored things going on in this particular blog. But here are some of my OTHER favorite places around the internet.

Monster Fit Club: Week Five

Can you guys believe that we are already five weeks in?! Everyone's weigh-ins are looking great, and I look forward every week to see how you guys are progressing. Last week, we even had new Monsters join! If you are thinking about joining, you can jump in at any time. It's never too late to get fit!



This week I lost 1 lb. (8.5 lbs. total). I am now 11.5 lbs. away from my 20 lb. goal!



My diet is going really well. I am staying within my calorie budget, so I am very proud of myself. I did go to the Olive Garden (don't judge me, that shit is delicious!) and I had quite a few breadsticks, but that was my only splurge this week. Workouts are going great. However, I am having a hard time waking up in the morning to do my workouts, so that means a lot of post-work workouts which really sucks. It's so much easier when I can get the workout done in the morning. I am going to try really hard this week to wake up early and it them done! I have already succeeded in that goal today, but I still have the rest of the week. I'll let you know how it goes!



This week, I would like to make recommendation for the MTV series I Used to Be Fat. I was a little apprehensive to watch this show, but Lawblog said that it was worth the watch, so I gave it a shot. To my surprise, the show is really great! Each week, they take an overweight kid who is about to start college, and they have the summer to lose weight. You follow them as they make the transformation, and it is actually really inspirational. If you have time, try to check it out. It might give you a little extra motivation.



So how did you do this week?! Put your progress and suggestions in the comments and let's discuss!

 



DISCLAIMER: As always, please consult with a doctor before starting any diet or weight loss program. MOBFD is not responsible for you having a heart attack or anything. DEAL WITH IT!

Tales From the Chat

Unfortunately I can't chat as much as I once did, so I decided to post this question here:

How much do you tip?

I know there are arbitrary tipping rules out there, but how much do you actually tip?

Brad Pitt: Literal Lady-and sometimes Man- Killer

Teacherman's "I'd Literally Hit That" got me thinking: It sucks to date Brad Pitt- in the movies at least.

*Movie spoilers galore*

Let’s start with his breakout role Thelma & Louise, (sorry 21 Jumpstreet Brad) Like most criminals, Brad starts out with small crimes

Sure he’s sexy and Geena Davis had a gooood time, but then he robs her while she recovers from her sex-stupor

How much was that orgasm Thelma (or is it Louise)?

Moving on to Kalifornia. Who would think dating a serial killer could possibly end with him killing you?

I'd Literally Hit That: Brad Pitt

So I don't know if you guys are aware of ThisIsMyNightmare's ongoing series of posts entitled "I'd Hit That," but basically look down. Not surprisingly, because she is a very loud, very sexually adventurous woman, the posts are basically a chronicle of all of the male celebrities she'd like to put it to, adultery-style. There's one on Ryan Goseling and Jason Schwartzman and Vlade Divac, I think, and maybe Abe Vigoda. I dunno, I can't remember them all. Who do you think I am, MONK???

Not pictured: Me

I'd Hit That: Jason Schwartzman

I originally saw The Darjeeling Limited in 2007 when it came out. I hated it! I even supported a nomination of it in a WMOAT thread. This week it was on TV, so I decided watch it again. I enjoyed it very much this time around. So that brings me to where we are now. Discussing the "bangability" of one of the stars of this very film, Jason Schwartzman.

"The Schwartz," as I like to call him, is a proud member of my Top 5. Prepare yourselves...You're in for a wild ride.