Inside The Monsters Studio: Lawblog

We need to talk.

Now listen: I would LOVE to interview each and every one of you. I really would. But sometimes life doesn’t quite work out the way you want it to. So far, I’ve mostly (completely) interviewed regulars in the chat room, due to convenience. But I realize that not everybody can completely ignore their real-world responsibilities in order to come talk about wings and sitcoms all day. I REALIZE THIS. So if you DO want to be considered for an interview, shoot me a DM on Twitter. If you can’t guess my Twitter name, you get no interview. I’ll compile a list, and throw a dart at my monitor to decide each week’s subject.

This week, the dart landed right the hell on everybody’s favorite contest runner-up, Lawblog. Mr. Blog and I sat down over a cup of nothing and had a chat that could almost be classified as interesting. See for yourself:

Videogum name: Lawblog

Videogum avatar: Previously a cute bulldog, now Scott Baio in suspenders

Real name (optional): Dan Trash

Location: NYC

Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): Currently Community, all time The Simpsons (seasons 3-9)

Favorite wing flavor: Hot Buffalo, but really all wings

Karaoke song of choice: "Roll Out" by Ludacris and "Lightning Crashes" by Live

Worst movie you’ve ever seen: Eagle Eye

Q. Before we get started, I just want to clear something up: You DO know you’re only being interviewed because you gave me a shoutout in “We Monsters,” right?

Inside The Monsters Studio: Chris Trash

Hey look! It’s almost Christmas! Santa has brought you all a wonderful shiny new edition of Inside The Monsters Studio! This time I sat down with Chris Trash, event coordinator extraordinaire. Does he have anything worthwhile to say? Let’s find out!

Videogum name: Chris Trash
Videogum avatar: Man dancing with black cat, black cat with funny hat, huge cat shadow, etc
Real name (optional): Dave Trash
Location: Chicago
Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): all time full house, current community
Favorite wing flavor: buffalo, but I prefer tenders
Karaoke song of choice: Tender by Blur
Worst movie you’ve ever seen: A history of violenc

Q. Mr. Trash, you change profile pictures often, and now you have no picture at all? What’s up with that?

Inside The Monsters Studio: Thisismynightmare

Hello, friends, and welcome to MOBFD's newest column, Inside The Monsters Studio. Each week (or whenever I have time to update), I will be getting down and dirty with a different member of the Videogum community, getting to know their hopes, fears, and dreams. We'll be starting off with famed commenter thisismynightmare. Who is the person behind the screaming Jennifer Grey? Let's find out!

Videogum name:thissmynightmare
Videogum avatar: Frightened/angry Jennifer Grey
Real name (optional): Erica
Location: New Orleans
Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): Community for currently-running sitcoms, Seinfeld for all-time favorite
Favorite wing flavor: spicy garlic
Karaoke song of choice: Celebrity Skin by Hole
Worst movie you’ve ever seen: Citizen Kane

Q. Thisismynightmare...WHAT, exactly, is your nightmare?

A. My nightmare is being murdered by one of the Monsters that stalk me or "A day with out commenting, that is my nightmare."

Q. But isn’t it true that murder is the sincerest form of flattery?

A. Yes. I suppose that I would be honored to be murdered by a monster

Q. So really you're just afraid of being loved, is that right?

A. You cut to the depths of my soul, Taco (pun intended).

Q. I didn’t have to cut very deep. Moving on. You use Jennifer Grey as your videogum avatar. Who would you say that you can relate to more, a jealous, embittered sister of a chronic winner, or a feisty spirit who does not get put in a corner?

A. A fiesty spirit who does not get put into a corner

Q. What if Ryan Gosling wanted to put you into a corner?

A. I'd let him do that. BUT ONLY HIM!

Q. So it seems there really IS an exception to every rule. I notice that you’ve been trying to get “I’d hit that” established as your catchphrase in the comments. What’s the story behind that? Are you aiming for Winwood-level notoriety?

A. Well, The Narrator would say that I am a cyber-whore, and I think we need to represent the female side of VG. I am empowering the ladies of VG to take control! Winwood was totes the inspiration though.

Q. So that would make Winwood our generation’s Elizabeth Cady Stanton?

A. I suppose it would!

Q. I understand you are married to fellow monster The Narrator. How does he feel about your ridiculous crush on Canadian prettyboy Ryan Gosling?

A. He is extremely jealous. He has threatened divorce several times.

Q. Is he aware that Ryan Gosling is only attracted to his own ego, and thus not a threat?

A. (insert Ryan Gosling OH NO YOU DIDN'T gif here) (ed. note: Not going to do that.)

Q. And finally, let’s play a game. Bone/marry/kill, with your fellow monsters. GO!

A. Marry - Lawblog (obvs). Bone - Just Desserts. Kill - Facetaco (ed. note: As previously established, murder is the sincerest form of flattery, so I’m fairly certain that was an declaration of love.)

There you have it folks. Thisismynightmare: female boning rights activist, goslophile, possible murder-fetishist. NOW YOU KNOW.

Next week's subject will be...announced at a later date. But I'll try to pick a good one for you!