Inside The Monsters Studio: Lawblog

We need to talk.

Now listen: I would LOVE to interview each and every one of you. I really would. But sometimes life doesn’t quite work out the way you want it to. So far, I’ve mostly (completely) interviewed regulars in the chat room, due to convenience. But I realize that not everybody can completely ignore their real-world responsibilities in order to come talk about wings and sitcoms all day. I REALIZE THIS. So if you DO want to be considered for an interview, shoot me a DM on Twitter. If you can’t guess my Twitter name, you get no interview. I’ll compile a list, and throw a dart at my monitor to decide each week’s subject.

This week, the dart landed right the hell on everybody’s favorite contest runner-up, Lawblog. Mr. Blog and I sat down over a cup of nothing and had a chat that could almost be classified as interesting. See for yourself:

Videogum name: Lawblog

Videogum avatar: Previously a cute bulldog, now Scott Baio in suspenders

Real name (optional): Dan Trash

Location: NYC

Favorite sitcom (excluding Arrested Development): Currently Community, all time The Simpsons (seasons 3-9)

Favorite wing flavor: Hot Buffalo, but really all wings

Karaoke song of choice: "Roll Out" by Ludacris and "Lightning Crashes" by Live

Worst movie you’ve ever seen: Eagle Eye

Q. Before we get started, I just want to clear something up: You DO know you’re only being interviewed because you gave me a shoutout in “We Monsters,” right?


A. Yes.

Q. Just making sure you know where we stand. Despite your name, you do not actually have a law blog. What’s up with the misrepresentation?

A. Basically, I was a lurker for many months, and noticed that people seemed to like Arrested Development here. When I finally decided to join the ranks of commenters, I decided that an AD reference was the way to go. Best story ever? Maybe.

Q. So you're not even qualified to represent me in court like you promised?

A. Qualified? No. Willing? Yes.

Q. You’re just going to tell everybody that they can’t handle the truth, and that this whole courtroom is out of order, aren’t you?

A. Probably. I may also object to things based on relevance and hearsay.

Q. Sustained. Getting back to the subject of “We Monsters.” Is it true that you stole the beat from the song “Wee Monsters,” a rap written for the unreleased British remake of the American film classic starring Fred Savage and Howie Mandel?

A. I'm sick of getting that question. If you listen closely, you'll hear that "Wee Monsters" goes "Bum bum bum bumbumbumbum" and "We Monsters" goes "Buum bum bum bumbumbumbum"

Q. How do you feel about the prospect of YOUR work one day being ripped off. In the future, when Skynet The Black Eyed Peas steal your work, will you sue them, or just be flattered that your work is being turned into something terrible?

A. F that noise. I want to get paid.

Q. That’s not very charitable of you! Where is the love? Don’t get retarded, if you don’t like it, maybe you should just shut up. Also...your humps. Rebuttal?

A. I didn't get into the fake rap game for charity. Also, I am angry with you for making me think of Black Eyed Peas songs in order to rebut you.

Q. I’ve got a feeling I win this round. I understand you do OTHER fake raps, that aren’t necessarily related to Videogum. Using the standard meanings of the words as they were traditionally used by Will Smith circa 1995, Would you describe your beats as “fresh,” “stupid,” or “dope”?

A, I would say 83% dope, 7% fresh, and 27% stupid. They have also been described as "radical"and "tubular."

Q. Have you ever referred to a woman as a “no-nonsense kind of slimmie?” It worked for Will Smith, but when I tried it, I only got confused looks. Does it work better if you have established yourself as a rapper?

A. I would think so. Most times I refer to women at all it results in confused looks at best, wine thrown in face and testicles kicked at the worst.

Q. Have you tried spitting some sick beatz at them? I find that the rap from Teen Witch works best for me.

A. No.

Q. Perhaps you should consider it. Okay, you know the drill...bone/marry/kill with your fellow monsters. GO!

A. That's it? No questions about non rap related things?


Q. I asked about your law blog! FINE. Lawblog...if you were stuck in the mountains with the cast of Desperate Housewives, and you ran out of food, who would you eat first?

A. The redheaded one. Not Mariska Hargitay, but her name sounds like that. Marcia Cross! That's nothing like Mariska Hargitay. Also, i hate you for making me IMDB Desperate Housewives.

Q. IMDB? That’s so 2002. You don’t Wikipedia?

A. Not after I saw what you've done to it

Q. You mean MADE IT BETTER? More Full House references = better in EVERY POSSIBLY INSTANCE.

A. I won’t argue with you.

Q. Smart move. Now are you satisfied? Make with the bone/marry/kill answers already!

A. Right. Marry thisismynightmare, because otherwise she will stalk/murder me. Kill Just Desserts because he's too sexy. I would gay bone Frank Lloyd Wrong (check one: [ ] yes homo [ ] no homo [ ] maybe homo).

For those of you who are interested in hearing more mad rhymez, feel free to email Dr. Blog at thereallawblog@gmail.com for more information. For reals, I listened to some of it before I sold it to Will.I.Am, and it’s actually pretty great.

UPDATE: You can also check out his totally sweet video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbH8CZ-Art4

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: Look what I learned how to do!



No new ITMS next week, as I’ll be relocating myself significantly closer to Gabe’s grandma. Maaaybe not the week after, either. But one day, I WILL return! Maybe.