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Saturday, December 18, 2010

Top 10 Diseases I Thought I Had At Some Point In 2010

I am a hypochondriac. Yeah, you heard me. Not just any old chondriac
but a hypochondriac. Over the course of 2010 I was convinced I had the following ailments, only to be eventually talked down by either a girlfriend, loved one or family member:

10. The Gout

Frankly, I don't fully know what the Gout is but I heard somebody on TV say somebody had it and then was pretty sure I had it.

9. Rib Cancer

Pretty sure this was after I went on a mini-fitness regimen after the 1st of the year (RESOLUTIONS!) and did too many sit-ups one day. For the next week I was positive I rattled some cancer loose in there. Turned out to just be a pulled muscle.

8. Throat Cancer

Surprise! Turns out it was just my Adam's Apple.

7. Scurvy

Just to be safe I ate a lot of oranges that week.

6. Whatever disease you get when that creepy spider lays eggs in your skin

Moved into a new apartment with more spiders than usual.

5. Diabetes

This came and went throughout the year but was especially strong the week that I went to Taco Bell 5 days in a row.

4. Testicular Cancer

Don't want to even go into why I thought this.

3. Skin Cancer

This is what happens when I take a vacation to a sunny locale.

2. Hepatitis

I'm not sure why exactly, must have been on the news.

1. Herpes

Totes false alarm.


  1. True Story: I thought I had testicular cancer once, but it turns out I just have 3 testicles. TMI? TMI

  2. My dad was convinced he had gout. Went to the doctor who told him he just had a really big big toe. "WEIRD STORY, TEACHERMAN!" Thanks, you guys.

  3. This was hilarious. I'm glad you are safe though!