I didn't go to work today; now you can reap the benefits. It's been awhile my dear monsters. Let's see what's in the mailbag, shall we?
What's up? Oh just hanging out on some train tracks, creepily videotaping children in a park, and getting the words wrong to Come On Eileen:
Of COURSE he had to have the ugly taxidermied yelling-faced pig with wheels on it's feet. My favorite part is when they talk about him "in action":
Showing posts with label R2D2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label R2D2. Show all posts
Monday, January 10, 2011
I Call Bullshit!: C3PO
Welcome, everyone, to a new column I like to call "I Call Bullshit!" For the inaugural post, I will be calling bullshit on everyone's least favorite droid, C3PO.
"But Lawblog," you may ask, "Doesn't C3PO get enough shit from Star Wars fans? Isn't he widely regarded as a useless and annoying albatross? Doesn't he even annoy this girl? Isn't Boba Fett awesome?" The answer to all of these questions is yes, however, in regards to the last question, if you're going to Comic Con, try to find a more creative costume. I am specifically calling bullshit on the one thing that C3PO is supposedly useful for, namely his position as a protocol droid.
A protocol droid's functions are to serve as a translator, from sentient beings to computers and from one sentient being to another. Let us address the function of translation from sentient being to computer first. Where should I begin with that one? How about with the fact that he doesn't do that? At all? In fact, it seems as though his only job in this regard is to yell at R2D2 to do things more quickly, such as shutting down all the trash compactors on the detention level, or jerry-rigging the blast doors at the alliance base on Endor. In fact, if it weren't for R2D2's ability to interface with those computers, the rebel alliance would have been royally fucked.
In regards to translation from sentient being to sentient being, C3PO is immensely proud of his talents, and is not averse to bragging.
He is, "Fluent in over six million forms of communication." According to the dictionary, "fluent" is described as "able to speak or write smoothly, easily, or readily." Witness the following exchange from Return of the Jedi:
"But Lawblog," you may ask, "Doesn't C3PO get enough shit from Star Wars fans? Isn't he widely regarded as a useless and annoying albatross? Doesn't he even annoy this girl? Isn't Boba Fett awesome?" The answer to all of these questions is yes, however, in regards to the last question, if you're going to Comic Con, try to find a more creative costume. I am specifically calling bullshit on the one thing that C3PO is supposedly useful for, namely his position as a protocol droid.
A protocol droid's functions are to serve as a translator, from sentient beings to computers and from one sentient being to another. Let us address the function of translation from sentient being to computer first. Where should I begin with that one? How about with the fact that he doesn't do that? At all? In fact, it seems as though his only job in this regard is to yell at R2D2 to do things more quickly, such as shutting down all the trash compactors on the detention level, or jerry-rigging the blast doors at the alliance base on Endor. In fact, if it weren't for R2D2's ability to interface with those computers, the rebel alliance would have been royally fucked.
In regards to translation from sentient being to sentient being, C3PO is immensely proud of his talents, and is not averse to bragging.
He is, "Fluent in over six million forms of communication." According to the dictionary, "fluent" is described as "able to speak or write smoothly, easily, or readily." Witness the following exchange from Return of the Jedi:
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