I'd Knit That: Adorable Star Wars

For this feature, I will explore different movie/tv/webjunk items that I would knit.

Well, good morning! Are you all feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed? Are your fingers nice and limber? Good! Let's get to it. We're all nerds, here, right? I just want to go ahead and get that out of the way at the onset so that some jocks or preps don't feel like they're in over their heads. "I'd Knit That" is inherently a nerdy feature, if only because the people who are writing the patterns for movie/tv/webjunk items are nerds in the most earnest (and best) sense of the word. Anyone who is willing to watch something with such an eye for detail and then create something from that (something that is, essentially, just using geometry to tie an elaborate knot) is a-okay in my book. I know I already kind of went over this in the Harry Potter post, but it seriously never ceases to amaze me.

So this week I am going to be covering the adorable Star Wars knits that are on ravelry.com. Star Wars nerds are a very particular brand of nerds, and Star Wars has cross-generational appeal which makes it perfect for adults who want to knit something for a kid that they both will enjoy. Adult nerds LOVE dressing their little bourgeoning child nerds in costume. Is that a fair generalization? Maybe not. Anyway it doesn't matter, because look at how adorable this is!

I Call Bullshit!: C3PO

Welcome, everyone, to a new column I like to call "I Call Bullshit!" For the inaugural post, I will be calling bullshit on everyone's least favorite droid, C3PO.



"But Lawblog," you may ask, "Doesn't C3PO get enough shit from Star Wars fans? Isn't he widely regarded as a useless and annoying albatross? Doesn't he even annoy this girl? Isn't Boba Fett awesome?" The answer to all of these questions is yes, however, in regards to the last question, if you're going to Comic Con, try to find a more creative costume. I am specifically calling bullshit on the one thing that C3PO is supposedly useful for, namely his position as a protocol droid.

A protocol droid's functions are to serve as a translator, from sentient beings to computers and from one sentient being to another. Let us address the function of translation from sentient being to computer first. Where should I begin with that one? How about with the fact that he doesn't do that? At all? In fact, it seems as though his only job in this regard is to yell at R2D2 to do things more quickly, such as shutting down all the trash compactors on the detention level, or jerry-rigging the blast doors at the alliance base on Endor. In fact, if it weren't for R2D2's ability to interface with those computers, the rebel alliance would have been royally fucked.

In regards to translation from sentient being to sentient being, C3PO is immensely proud of his talents, and is not averse to bragging.



He is, "Fluent in over six million forms of communication." According to the dictionary, "fluent" is described as "able to speak or write smoothly, easily, or readily." Witness the following exchange from Return of the Jedi:

Now THAT is funny.

In the fantasy football draft of the human experience I am drafting “funny” first overall and whoever is drafting second can draft “love” or “family” and make me look like a total asshole. I am absolutely comfortable being an asshole.

The other day I tweeted our friend Fozzy that I wanted a zombie-joke to be etched on my tombstone. He tweeted back promising to sing November Raaaiiiiinnn at my funeral. There are no words to describe how happy this made me. We were, of course, joking but actually NO, I do want those things! I want Fozzy to sing a zombie song at my funeral! I want Gabe to come and say “Kel died. Get it? You get. Ding dong! Go to bed, Kel’s corpse. The grieving family needs to RELAX.” I want Werttrew to post an animated gif on my coffin whilst carrying Notsewfast in a baby bjorn. I want Teacherman to rhyme “carcass” with “ruckus” in a #ripkelrap. I want CakeorDeath to say “’Could Kel BE any more dead?’ – Badandler Ching.” I want Baby Friday to say something that is so adorably funny that I have to re-die all over again. Make this shit happen! If you don’t, I am going to haunt the fuck out of all of you from the afterlife.

The point being: humor is the center of my life on this barfy planet and in this segment I am going to be posting things that I find to be wildly funny and I hope you will enjoy them even a little bit as much as I do.

This week’s theme: Star Wars!