Philplusbert's NFL Wildcard Picks

Hey kids, welcome to today's 3 part NFL playoff coverage. Let's start off with this from philplusbert A.K.A David

Saints at Seahawks

Last week, we got to witness the first losing team make the playoffs in NFL history. This week, we will get to see the first televised practice in NFL playoffs history. This week, the Seahawks will be starting Matt “who’s that guy again” Hasselbeck, instead of Johnny Depp.

 Matt Hasselbeck                                                               Charlie Whitehurst

 In fact, I liken the Seahawks to the Pirates of the Caribbean series - cool at first, making a name for themselves…only to fade into obscurity. Suddenly, “Oh those guys are back? I mean, I guess that’s ok. Doesn’t Johnny Depp have something better to do with his time? And what happened to Keira Knightley?” What are we talking about again? Oh yeah.

Saints over Seahawks

Jets at Colts

We all know that Brett Favre sent dick pix to the Jets massage therapists, but do you think Rex Ryan asked him for any foot photos? Maybe that’s why he’s not playing for the Jets this year. I’m sure the conversation went something like this: “Sorry Rex, when it comes to picture messages I draw a very strict line at photos of my dick meant to illegally harass massage therapists that I am not married to. Besides, I’m retiring this year for good.”

Amateur sketch of Brett Favre’s Penis

 Blah, blah, blah, Peyton Manning is awesome, Rex Ryan will kiss his feet after he gets his ass whooped.

Colts over Jets

Ravens at Chiefs

Ravens LB Ray Lewis has made a career out of wildly gesticulating and thrashing around before every game, just to get his team pumped up. How has he not been injured doing this yet? If a kicker can tear his ACL celebrating a field goal, surely Ray Lewis can sustain an anal fissure or something during this crazy activity.

“WHAT’S AN ANAL FISSURRRREEEEE”

 He is exactly one billion years old. Calling it now. The Chiefs are cool too.

Chiefs over Ravens

Packers at Eagles

*dog joke**dog joke**dog joke* Aaron Rodgers. But Mike McCarthy *dog joke**dog joke**dog joke**dog joke* the Packers because *dog joke*. *dog joke**dog joke* Green Bay when Michael Vick *dog joke**dog joke**dog joke**dog joke**dog joke*. If only DeSean Jackson *dog joke**dog joke**dog joke* this year. At least it’s not like Brett Favre *dog joke**dog joke* his penis. HEYO!

Bandwagon Packers Fan

Eagles over Packers