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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Gettin' Anchory: My guilty pleasure

Hey everyone, Anchor Management here, who has been upgraded to author after two contributions no one cared about. I will give you glimpses into the complex pile of burning garbage and pop culture references that is my life.

Yesterday Chris Trash started a post about guilty pleasures, quickly followed by a review of guilty pleasure 30 Seconds To Mars. Seeing as I wanted to do a post about mine and move away from the social commentary of my last two posts, this seemed like the right time.

My guilty pleasure is bad tattoos, so much so I have a folder dedicated to them. To specify, I do not mean badly done tattoos, that is the fault of the artist, not the person getting it – unless they were high on crack while getting one from “a guy”- so not those. Although, full disclosure, misspelled tattoos are always good for a laff. I do not mean the full blown crazy people who get terrible tattoos like Zombie Boy or Internet fave Mr. Cool Ice. No, I mean the tattoos that are like Internet comments: they try to poke fun at something relevant by using pop culture references. Only they are on your body. FOREVER. Because God knows I made comments on Videogum, noticed they fell flat and wanted to take them back an hour later. These people have bad jokes on them for the rest of their lives or until very expensive, super painful laser removal.


Do not get me wrong: I love tattoos. As none of you will recall, my first avatar was a tattoo of Ron Burgundy. I think the social stigma is totally wrong, I am getting one as soon as I am at my target weight (Go Monster Fit Club!). I am noting making fun of the art of tattoos. I am making fun, however, of the people with dumb ideas to put on their bodies. Let me take you through some of my favorites.


I get it, Maddox is a cool kid. But if you have to explain who the fuck you have tattooed on you to everyone and it isn’t a family member or friend, you are doing it wrong.


Get it? You get it. Will you still get it in five years? No. “Hey, why do you have a tattoo of Sean Hannity with a Pokémon? Is it political commentary on President Palin?”


My gift to Zac Little. Count’em, three R-Pattzez, so it doesn’t even make sense as a picture. The fact she is over 30 makes it so much worse. My favorite part of this tattoo apart from all of it is that she is super proud of it and submitted it to the fuckyeahtattoos tumblr, but they rejected it and put it on fuckyeahbutnotattoos. BURN!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Just no. If you have no idea what the hell this is supposed to be, good for you.


Who does this person think he/she is, Banksy? More like Mr. Brainwash! For this joke’s reference, see last week’s Movie Club post. Also annoying people.


Words fail to describe what the hell this even is. I mean, yeah, sure, it’s Darth Vader Steve Buscemi, but what is it? Anyone? Help please? Because I really want to know what the fuck this is about, because this is so insane that it becomes awesome. Sometimes you just want to know what the meaning behind something is to get a peek at their mind.


Now this one is actaully very well done and the reason it is actually a bad tattoo is very subtle. When I first noticed it I almost spat out my drink. I’m not sure if the error was intentional or not, if so, kudos, you made me laugh.

And that’s not even all of them. I ran out of space for Puddin’ pop Bill Cosby, the Golden Girls Mount Rushmore, the Snakes on a Plane logo, all four Pee Wee Herman tattoos, Italian flag Chewbacca, Simple Jack, the lawn chair, the Red Bull logo, Tony Danza, the Power Glove, Street Sharks, the hustlin’ unicorn or velociraptor Jesus. And while these tattoos probably have a deeper personal meaning to the person getting it, they probably don’t have.
For further enjoyment, see ugliesttattoos.com

7 comments:

  1. So just so I'm clear - that's actually a picture of Jimi Hendrix, right?

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  2. Yes, that is correct. I didn't get it at first, until I looked closer. You know, it could be that he wanted to do two things and decided to combine them to stupendous results. Like I said, I like tattoos and when I read up on tattoos, that is a thing people want to do. I read one where someone wanted to do his starsign (scorpion for scorpio) with a Chinese symbol and the name of a friend that passed away. Together.

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  3. We were joking about getting BrodyQuest tattoos this weekend at the LA Meetup. I maintain that I would never ever regret BrodyQuest as a tramp stamp.

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  4. Given that "steve buscemi as darth vader" is a real tattoo that someone asked for, that artist did an amazing job.

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  5. Um, want to do a guest post on my blog, dedicated to mocking terrifically awful tattoos? https://stamptramps.wordpress.com

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  6. Just to say, I appreciate your cross-promotion from the Kristie Alley tattoo thread! Totally topical. Totally appropriate. And otherwise, I might not have seen that lol-inducing Jimi Bob Hendrix Marley tattoo. So, thanks!

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