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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Now THAT is funny. LA Meetup Fan Fiction Edition.

Hi, I'm Gabe and I write a pop culture blog that I'd like for you to download. A few weeks ago, the nerds at Monster Occurrences Both Forreign and Domestick (which apparently is a thing, I guess?) pointed out to me that there would be a monster meet-up happening on January 15th in the Silver Lake district of Los Angeles, CA. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First of all, Monsters are one of the best thing I’ve ever heard of, probably. Second of all, in the words of Bandler Ching, could a meet-up between a bunch of anonymous internet shut-ins BE any more awkward? Man! There was no chance that I was going to miss it even though it was totally inconvenient for me to be there. You guys, LA is on the OTHER side of the United States! It is not very close to me at all! Flying like a white person is hard!! BUT NOTHING WOULD STOP ME FROM GOING TO LA TO MEET THESE MONTERS. I left a bunch of extra food and water out for Birdie (follow her on Twitter!!) and flew to Los Angeles for this momentous (not momentous) occasion.

Arriving at the bar, I saw a group of young, good-looking, well-dressed people having normal interactions with each other and I thought to myself NOPE those must not be the monsters. THEN I saw a group of OTHER attractive (if less tanned) people sitting in the corner and overheard them saying things like “RELAX” and “That’s your boyfriend!” and BOOM I knew I had found the nerds I was looking for. Ok intertubes, let’s do this human interactions thing. 2012 will be here soon enough anyway, I guess.

Despite me being really old and grumpy and having run out of Werther’s on the flight from New York, we had such a great time! I mean WOOF to my liver with all the whiskey drinks but still it was so incredibly fun and (thanks to the whiskey flowing heavily) not awkward at all! The only downside was that monster names, “real” names (except mine because I’m Gabe, duh), Twitter names, lurkers without names, unknown friends of monsters, and names of friends of lurkers caused some confusion and wrong-name calling. But we all got over that quickly enough and everyone seemed to be smiling a lot and chatting and LITERALLY enjoying themselves to death (not literally). Because drinking and laughter and “weird boner” jokes.

DUH AFFICINADO INSIGHT: These internet nerds were less nerdy and internetty than I believed possible! Good job, internet. Monster attendees of-note included: Concert Addict, A Serious Monster, Grinth, LeSigh, Bird, CakeorDeath, thekelburrows (nice monster name, nerd), KajusX, HotSpur, SuperSloth, and Manooshi. I am so incredibly sorry if I left anyone off of this list! Blame my Alzheimer’s. I mean, classic Alzheimer’s, right?

1. ConcertAddict is very very cute (can someone DM me CA’s phone number? I need to ask her a quick question) but she looks nothing like Topher Grace. DING DONG DISAPPOINTMENT. What’s up with Topher Grace, by the way?
2. KajusX has the most luxurious hair I have ever seen. I am going to marry KajusX’s hair and we are going to have little Gabe-and-hair babies. Hush, KajusX’s perfect hair. Go to bed and take KajusX’s perfectly ironic mustache with you.
3. SuperSloth and CakeorDeath got into heated discussion about a scene from Clueless and whether or not a Radiohead song was mentioned in it. AS IF! #ABQC (Always Be Quoting Clueless)
4. Thekelburrows’ jacket went missing at some point during the evening. I am not making accusations here, but the new jacket for sale on HotSpur’s Etsy account as of this morning looks eerily similar to kel’s missing jacket. Just sayin’.

CELEB SIGHTING: we are pretty sure that one of the guys from the only interwebs band your mother has ever heard of - OK Go - was there! He was sitting right next to our table with a bunch of hipsters. I’m worried about that one guy from OK Go, you guys.

FLASH FORWARD SEVERAL HOURS: We monsters (Lawblog reference!) shut down the bar. Then we monsters (zing again!) went to a monster’s PERSONAL LAIR within walking distance of the bar and hung out for a few more hours! I didn’t go to bed till well past FOUR IN THE MORNING. I am too old for that! You guys, did I mention that I’m old? GO TO BED, GABE!

What did we learn from this adventure, kids? Nothing! PSYCHE!! We learned that monsters are an awesome community of funny and nice people and everyone should take the opportunity to get to know some of them IRL (which I believe stands for In ReaLity or some such nonsense). Go out and meet some monsters! DO IT!!

Monstering remains popular in syndication.


  1. Perfect. Just perfect Kel, AHEM, Gabe. How you managed to do this while hungover is a mystery to me.

  2. Amazing. Also, my BNPG would have been "Touched by a Los Angeles"

  3. The only reason I didn't look like my old avatar was because I didn't think the bar would let me in if I was wearing my Hoodie Footie Snuggle suit. Plus, no pockets.
    Also, Gabe if you want my number just DM @concertaddict. I've seen those GQ photos.
    Another notable monster at the Meetup:
    Plus a few lurkers who we convinced to create accounts and comment (or at least upvote us).

  4. Wait - why is your comment "Seriously, has anybody seen my jacket?" from Jan 14th when you didn't lose your jacket until the 15th (16th)? That is some inception action right there.

  5. Also, you forgot to mention when Gabe ate a bunch of mushrooms and stripped for us and then BARF BARF BARF VOMIT BARF BARF SWOON (KajusX was totally swooning over Gabe's abs).

  6. All true. Also, owwwww, my head and also my body, you guys. All that swooning really took its toll.

  7. Sweet, 20 upvotes for a broken link.

  8. I remain jealous on the East Coast.

  9. And to think I tried to help you get your coat back, at risk of life and limb I may add, and you left me off the list Gabe!

    Also, I'm pretty sure KajusX wasn't swooning over Gabe's abs; he was doing the splits and asking if that was white trash.

  10. My deepest apologies Grinth! I looked for you at Videogum but I remembered your name as Griffith or Griffin and I couldn't find you. DAMMIT. Fixed now. Gabe can be such an asshole sometimes!!

  11. This is hilarious! I felt like I was actually there! And when I saw that picture of Ryan I totes swooned! SOMEONE GET ME MY SMELLING SALTS!!!!!!