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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dear Mountie

Well, FINALLY, right? It's been a while, and I know you've missed me. But APPARENTLY people's lives are running smoothly, which is great for them but bad for business (the advice business, which I am in, but wouldn't really call a business, because I am making ZERO money off of this enterprise, because of how selfless and kind-hearted I am. LOLOLOL).

ANYWAY, this week's question is all about breakin' up, which is hard to do.

How do I break up with my long time boyfriend? we've been living together for a while but I feel almost responsible for him. I eventually want to have kids but he feels content just doing the same with no immediate or long time plans for the future.

One of the first things that struck me about your question was that you "almost feel responsible for him". I would look at why this feeling exists for you, and then examine if this perception is accurate. Unless you're living with a minor of whom you have guardianship (which, I'm totally sure is the situation, right?), then I'm pretty certain you're NOT responsible for him. I'm assuming that he is a fully grown adult man and is capable (on some level) of making his own decisions. Until you have children, the only person you are responsible for is YOU.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, here's my answer to the rest of your question. I feel that the best way to break up with anyone is to sit down with them, explain to them your reasons for ending the relationship, and then listen to that person's response. Usually the other person will try to talk you out of it, and come up with all kinds of reasons why you should stay together. This is really hard to hear, but if you're feeling like things are over, then you have to be firm.

My other concern here is that you two are living together. You'll need to consider who will stay in the residence and who will leave. If both of your names on are on the lease, then you'll have to figure out who's leaving and who's staying in the apartment. Whoever stays will have to have the other person taken off the lease by the landlord. If it's only his name on the lease, then you'll have to leave, but clearly if it's in your name, you keep the apartment. If he's the one who has to move out, I would give him a firm deadline for leaving (two weeks, for example). If he has somewhere to go, for instance the home of a friend or a family member, make it sooner (three days or less). If he refuses to leave or becomes unstable in any way, call the police. Your personal safety is more important than ANY of his needs.

I hope this helps. Please let me know if you have follow-up questions. You can also email me if you'd prefer.

Best of luck!!

As always, I really want to help you! So let me, won't you? If only to give yourself the satisfaction of knowing that you're making me feel useful in this world. You can ask me a question via Formspring at: http:/// OR by email at http:///


  1. I wish I had a question for you, because you are really good at this.

  2. You give good advice! I will try to have some problems so you can fix them.