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Monday, December 6, 2010

A Monster’s View: Movie Sequels

They suck, mostly.

Let me elaborate on that view: last Friday, DreamWorks animation head dude Jeffrey Katzenberg said “fuck that noise” and announced that there will be two more “How To Train Your Dragon movies, two more Madagascars and FIVE MORE Kung Fu Panda installments. That is a lot of fat guy joke. I haven’t seen Kung Fu Panda in a while, but it was mainly fat guy jokes, right? Right. Keep'em coming, Hollywood!

As the AV Club rightfully mentions, this was on the same day Disney told us that they were making “Pirates of the Caribbean” parts 5 AND 6. Star Wars did that shit by making a second trilogy and that turned out well, right? Because sequels are usually not as good as the original, except if they already have source material to base it on. Sure, there are exceptions, but for every “Terminator 2” we get a “Speed 2”. Combining the trends to sequel everything to death with unnecessary reboots (Spider-Man) and making movies about –for lack of a better term – brands (Battleship, Rubik’s Cube), Hollywood is truly jumping the shark or is just blatantly trying to fuck audiences over.

The thing is, Hollywood needs our money. Because while yes, most of it goes into the pockets of undeserving directors, producers and actors (I’m looking at you, Mark Wahlberg), some of that money goes to financing and distributing new movies. Because they make huge money on those movies, they can risk it on investing in smaller movies. Just think, without “Glitter”, we wouldn’t have “Half Nelson”. Probably not true, but you get the point. Also, you don’t have to go see every single shitty movie, because thankfully someone more naïve will do it for us.
Just remember that when your douche of a friend tells you he saw “Jackass 3D”.

Anchor Management


  1. A couple of thoughts:

    1. Pirates of the Caribbean 5 AND 6??? That's the real Disney blam.
    2. Go easy on Marky Mark. He was pretty good in Three Kings.