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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Taking One for the TV: Teen Mom 2 S1E10

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Mad Men, Community, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst. I watch bad TV so you don't have to!

Jenelle is on the way to New Jersey with Kieffer to visit his loser brother. She "borrowed" her mom's credit cards, and plans to pay her back "right away." YEAH THE FUCK RIGHT. Little thief. They get to the brother's and tell him about how Jenelle's mom is a wretched witch and has assumed custody of baby Jace (because Jenelle is two seconds from becoming a crack whore), and the brother says "parents just don't understand, man." NAILED IT! Yeah, parents don't understand how you would rather smoke weed than parent your child. They are so dumb. Parents are seriously the worst, you guys.

Mom discovers that Jenelle has stolen her credit cards and dials that little bitch up on the phone. She tells her that she has been kicked out and if she comes back to the house she will call the police.

Jenelle comes back from New Jersey all nice and smug, and shows up to her mom's house. Mom is pissed. DUH! She tells her she is not allowed in the house, but Jenelle says she came to see Jace and continues to ignore her mother. Mom asks where her credit cards are. Jenelle keeps repeating that she doesn't have them. This girl needs a good punch in the face if you ask me. Mom then proceeds to tell Jenelle that she sent her financial aid check back, and now Jenelle is pissed. Oh, you don't like people messing with your money, Jenelle? Fuck you, you little jerk. Anyway, the proverbial shit hits the fan.

A screaming match ensues. Jenelle tells her mom that she is ruining her life. Um, whatevs. You're doing a pretty good job of that yourself!

Baby daddy Jo has a chat with his parents about the fight with Kailyn. He is still pissed, but they advise him to stay civil with her for baby Issac's sake. He sends her a text saying that he won't give her back stuff until he gets his money. Kailyn calls Jo and they work out a custody arrangement that they plan to get finalized in court soon.

It's Friday and Kailyn just got paid, y'all! So now she can pay back Jo and get her things back. She wants to be legit so she gets Jo a certified check. Good thinking!

Kailyn goes to pick up her stuff and bring Jo the check. It immediately starts off really bad, when he asks her if the check will bounce. He is just giving her unsolicited shit left and right. She wants to go get her stuff from upstairs to make sure she has everything and he freaks out and starts yelling at her and calling her a bitch. Totes irrational. He even yells at her mother. His parents are witnessing all of this and don't even try to control him. Ugh. Someone needs to learn some fucking manners.

Leah and Corey are two weeks from their wedding. They basically have not done anything to prepare including send out the invitations. Whoa! I don't know, but that seems like an important detail. Oh wait, they are hicks. I forget that country weddings are basically like the best kind of marketing --word of mouth. I say this from experience, having grown up in the fine backwoods of Louisiana. So no complaints about how I am making fun of white trash.

Leah needs to have a bachelorette party. What better place than mom's house?! I know that I LOVE playing with dildos and racing to put condoms on bananas with one hand with my mom. (Now that I think about it, that might be kind of hilarious.) Ironically, Leah gets the condom on her banana first!

Corey has a bonfire with his hillbilly friends. We see both halves of the loving couple express their nerve level. One friend suggests to Leah that she might miss out on something more. WHAT?! Seriously, this is the father of her twins girls, who loves her madly, and she loved him madly a few weeks ago, so just give it a go, you guys. You owe it to the babies. Also, if you don't love the guy, then you don't love the guy. I am pretty sure though that it is just the idea that she will never fuck another dude again kind of nerves. Take the plunge, Leah!

Leah tells Corey that she is overwhelmed and not sure if she is ready to get married. Then she talks to her mom about the situation. Mom tells her that everyone is scared, but if she is not ready, then she's not ready. Can I just say that I know that everyone says this. But really, I was not nervous EVER about marrying my husband. However, we were together for 5 years before we got married, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Corey tells Leah that if they get don't get married, then he can't be with her because he will feel like she doesn't really love him. The ball is in her court.

Chelsea has lunch with her dad and tells him about the break up with Adam, and he tells her to move on. Let's hope she listens.

Adam hangs out with his douche bag friends and complains that Chelsea was too controlling. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Chelsea is now prepared to get her relationship back on track with her BFF/ex-roommate Megan. She talks to her gal pals about her break up, and she feels like she has made the right decision (for now, anyway). All of the girls go to a Lady Gaga concert together for Chelsea's 19th birthday.

On the way to the concert, Adam writes on Chelsea's Facebook wall that he loves her, misses her, and he is sorry. Oh brother! Chelsea then calls her dad, AKA "Randallicious," to tell him the drama. Anyway, she has bunches of fun at the concert and enjoys the night off to be a teenager again. AW!

Now here is the horrible episode:


  1. Considering how much you talk about sexual intercourse with people who aren't your husband, it could just be that you don't find the marital arrangement as limiting as these children do.

  2. Re: anon

    Huh? Also, what? And for the sack of thoroughness, insertconfusedpuppy.gif

  3. @ CT Double confused monsters all the way across the sky!

  4. principal enchmanMarch 17, 2011 at 2:15 PM

    Anonymous, please, please, please go to bed. Just leave us alone. This is a happy place. It's not for you apparently.

  5. I have a new theory/fear! This is DIMS's Black Swan moment, and (SPOILER ALERT) she IS anonymous, and this is her bathroom where she wrote WHORE on the mirror in the lipstick she stole from Gabe or something. Unless he is Leroy, and she stole the lipstick from Lindsay?

    You know, this may not be a convincing theory, after all.

  6. lilbobbytables cannot spellMarch 17, 2011 at 2:20 PM

    Yes. N is now spelled with an S. Wanna make something of it?

  7. I'm just saying she likes to talk about dudes she wants to hit. Calm down.