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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Taking One For the TV: Teen Mom 2 S1E12 (Season Finale)

Just like all of you, I love great TV shows like Lost, Breaking Bad, 30 Rock, etc., but I also love some really bad shit. In this column, I am going to recap some of the best of the worst. I watch bad TV so you don't have to!

Jenelle is back at mom's and has been told that she is not allowed to see her loser boyfriend Kieffer. Well, Jenelle is a winner at life, so she goes to see him. Here's the thing, Kieffer is staying at a friend's beach house from which he has been told he can't stay. So guess what?! At 2 A.M., Jenelle is awoken by police in the house, and Kieffer has jetted. I know what you are thinking...this guy is a keeper. Jenelle is arrested for breaking and entering and possession of marijuana.

Mom gets the call from jail from Jenelle, and she straight up says she is not surprised. She tells Jenelle she can come back home, but if she catches her with Kieffer, she is out. Really, Mom?! Please, just continue to enable this future meth whore. Obviously your method of parenting is doing wonders for her!

Jenelle posts her own bond and is taken home by her friend. Then we find out that Kieffer left Jenelle for five hours and took her car because he was doing cocaine! SURPRISE!!!! So for five seconds, Jenelle is questioning her relationship with Kieffer. I think she is just mad that she wasn't invited to snort the coke too.

Kieffer calls Jenelle to bail him out of jail. She tells him no because he needs to think about what he did. Huh? Wow, impressive?

Jenelle tells her mom that she is going to try to make it right with the credit card situation and pay off the balance. Her mom tries to have a heart-to-heart with her and starts to cry. Seriously, I think Jenelle has some kind of disorder or something. She is dead in the eyes, she won't make eye contact with her mom and she throws out "I'm sorry" like they are yellow skittles.

Kieffer keeps calling asking her to bail him out. She refuses again, but she starts feeling like she is being too harsh on him. OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU, Y'ALL?! She decides she is going to bail him out because she "misses him." She tells her friends that she is going to tell Kieffer that she is giving him two weeks to get a job and a place and then she is dumping him. Her friends are even against this bailing out idea.

That comes from two people sitting on a floral couch!

Jenelle goes to bail him out, but she needs a co-signer of at least 21 years of age. She convinces her friend to do it. If Kieffer doesn't show up for court, this friend will be responsible for the bond. I have a bad feeling about this...

In other news, Jenelle was arrested again this week. This girl is going places!

Kailyn goes to pick up baby Issac from baby daddy Jo. He seems to be cool with her filing for the custody agreement, so now Kailyn feels bad about it and isn't sure if she is doing the right thing. Um, sweetie, you totes are. That dude is nuts-o!

After the required mediation for the custody agreement, Kailyn and Jo get into an argument. He tells the baby that his mom is a bitch and that he will keep taking her to court until she was broke. Yikes!

It's almost time for Leah to marry her baby daddy, Corey, so Leah and her bridesmaids go to get their nails did before the big day

Then, Leah and Corey rehearse for the wedding. Leah stays at her mom's house the night before the wedding and has a sexual experience with her Maid of Honor:

You will never guess where they are getting married. Guess! You can't do it can you. Take a looksie at this:

Now guess what the groomsmens' tuxes looked like:

Finally, it is time for the wedding and when Leah comes walking down the aisle, Corey is sobbing like a baby. AWWW!

Let's hope things work out for these two.

Adam has left his car in Chelsea's driveway for 3 weeks and all his stuff is all over the place. Dad is getting the car towed and he texts Adam to let him know. No one hears from Adam so the car is officially towed.

It's Aubree's 1st birthday party! OH YEAH!!!!!

There has been no word from Adam since his car was towed. Anyway, her whole family is being douchey about her and Adam. Someone shouts out that the baby's birthday wish should be that Chelsea doesn't get back together with Adam. Yeah, it probably should be, but you didn't need to air the issue in front of all the guests, bitch. Jesus Christ!

After the party, Adam shows up out of nowhere and wants to know where his car is. Chelsea tells him it was towed, but doesn't know where it is. He doesn't even bother asking to see his child. He calls Chelsea "a bitch." Classic Adam.

Then the Plastics give her advice.

I am guessing by next season Chelsea will be back with Adam.

You can watch the full 90 minute finale right here:

There is a reunion special next week which I will not be covering. I know you guys are devastated. Never fear though, 90210 returns on April 18 and I will be recapping the remaining episodes of season 3. Excited?! You're excited, don't lie.


  1. After this episode I said aloud to myself. "Jesus this is awful. I am never watching this show again." And then they're all "finale". Great timing, brain.

    And that video of Jenelle beating that other chick up was awful. Yuck. What a bunch of...I can't even

  2. Umm, the coonskin camo wedding made me cry. I am ashamed. Also, the whole time Jenelle's friend was signing for bail I was like, "NOOOOOOO. Don't do it!"