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Friday, April 1, 2011

I'd Hit That: Dave Grohl



Now we have seen all of my top 5 (Ryan Gosling, Jon Hamm, Paul Rudd, Jason Schwartzman), but one remains elusive, and today is his day to shine. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with I'd Hit That: Dave Grohl.

One of my biggest regrets in life is getting shit faced before and during a Foo Fighters concert in Birmingham, AL in January 2008. I have vague memories of the show and I have tried and failed to piece together the events of that night time after time. The only thing I DO remember is being hit on by a lesbian when I went out on the smoke deck with my then fiancé, The Narrator. Try as I might, I remember no sweet tunage or sexy Dave Grohl ass. Photographic proof after the jump:



I may have blacked out during the concert in Birmingham at a gigantic arena, but I was lucky enough to be sober for a show in New Orleans at House of Blues. HOB only holds about 860 people, so it was a very intimate show, and I have to say one of my favorite shows of all time. At this show, I was lucky enough to be about 3 people from the stage, and I made eye contact with Dave several times. Yet again, I have evidence:



Seriously, you guys, Dave Grohl undressed me with his eyes. I SWEAR!!!! It was a spiritual experience. Now if only I could complete an actual sex act with him. I was *THIS* close , you guys.

You may have noticed that Dave is a bit different from the other fellas in my top 5, but every top 5 is not complete without a sexy, occasionally greasy-haired rockstar.



How do I love Dave? Let me count the ways...

Well, obviously, he is just plain sexy and oozes fuck me pheromones, but other than that, I mean. Now, we have established that Dave Grohl is the lead singer/guitarist for Foo Fighters. Well, guess what? As I think you may have noticed, they are one of my favorite bands. Just A-Pause-Mazing! If you ever have a chance to see them live, do it. Dave can get it, as seen here, playing one of my favorite songs of all time:



Did you know Dave played all the instruments on the first Foo Fighters album? Well, he did. Dude is an extremely talented musician, and for that I am in love with him. It doesn't end with the Foos either. Dave was the bad ass drummer for Nirvana (A-DUH! Have you been living under a rock, grandma/pa?) and he has so many side projects like Them Crooked Vultures and collborations with Tenacious D, among others.

In addition to rocking my socks off, Dave is soooooooooooooo hilarious, you guys. I think that I have established that funny wins every time (please see Paul Rudd post). You don't believe me?! Sit back and enjoy.

EXHIBIT A:


EXHIBIT B:


See what I mean?! Funny = Please bang me now!

Also, any man that has a portrait of himself made that looks like this is the absolute best:



If anyone can replicate this for my home, I'll buy you a coke. As in a COCA-COLA! I know how to show appreciation, you guys.

I know all of you are hot in the pants for Dave now too, so you can catch him and his band performing on Saturday Night Live on April 9. Also, the new album Wasted Light drops on April 12! Here's the new video for "Rope."



Holy hell, I want to rip his shirt off and lick his tats. So the moral of the story is that I want to make babies with this man. Musically talented babies.

See you next time when I discuss Jimmy Fallon!

6 comments:

  1. Cool Dave Grohl Story: a coworker went to a show of his and waited outside before to meet him. As Dave came off the bus, my coworker asked for a hug. Dave was happy to oblige. Immediately after, another, random guy asked Dave for a hug. Dave said "No, fuck you". I fell in love with him all over again when I heard this story.

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  2. And he was in Sunny Day Real Estate (I love Sunny day) before Nirvana.

    Any way, Greg Proops had Dave and David Cross (a night of Daves!) as his guests for the Greg Proops Chat show at the Largo back in 2009. At the time I have to say I was more excited about David Cross than Dave Grohl but I ended up being completely surprised by how funny and affable Dave is.

    Stories ranged from breaking up with a girlfriend because she drooled when she was high to getting trashed in U2's green room, stumbling around holding a giant wheel of cheese with his pants around his ankles. He read the lyrics of Manowar's All Men Play on Ten as if it were poetry (hilarious) and to top it off, he hopped on drums and did a 7 minute jam version of Eddie Money's Two Tickets to Paradise with Jon Brion.

    All in all it was pretty amazing, and I walked out having a much greater appreciation for Dave Grohl.

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  3. Dave Grohl just seems like he would be a super fun guy. I like to imagine he would be totally down to going to a dive bar and having a beer and playing darts. We would fistbump congratulatory fistbumps and laugh uproariously. Also, Henry Rollins is there.

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  4. I just do not get the Dave Grohl thing. I guess it has a lot to do with the fact that I do not like the Foo Fighters. I'm sure if I did, I'd be all over it. I pretty much love every rock star and want to have their babies. Once AA Bondy hugged me & he prompted it (cause my arm was broken) and he smelled like rockstar and sweat and amazing.

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  5. A great Bob Odenkirk joke. The Dave Grohl conundrum: Dave Grohl is the funniest of all musicians, yet....Dave Grohl is not funny.

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