I'd Hit That: Dave Grohl

Now we have seen all of my top 5 (Ryan Gosling, Jon Hamm, Paul Rudd, Jason Schwartzman), but one remains elusive, and today is his day to shine. Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with I'd Hit That: Dave Grohl.

One of my biggest regrets in life is getting shit faced before and during a Foo Fighters concert in Birmingham, AL in January 2008. I have vague memories of the show and I have tried and failed to piece together the events of that night time after time. The only thing I DO remember is being hit on by a lesbian when I went out on the smoke deck with my then fiancé, The Narrator. Try as I might, I remember no sweet tunage or sexy Dave Grohl ass. Photographic proof after the jump:



I may have blacked out during the concert in Birmingham at a gigantic arena, but I was lucky enough to be sober for a show in New Orleans at House of Blues. HOB only holds about 860 people, so it was a very intimate show, and I have to say one of my favorite shows of all time. At this show, I was lucky enough to be about 3 people from the stage, and I made eye contact with Dave several times. Yet again, I have evidence:



Seriously, you guys, Dave Grohl undressed me with his eyes. I SWEAR!!!! It was a spiritual experience. Now if only I could complete an actual sex act with him. I was *THIS* close , you guys.

You may have noticed that Dave is a bit different from the other fellas in my top 5, but every top 5 is not complete without a sexy, occasionally greasy-haired rockstar.



How do I love Dave? Let me count the ways...

Well, obviously, he is just plain sexy and oozes fuck me pheromones, but other than that, I mean. Now, we have established that Dave Grohl is the lead singer/guitarist for Foo Fighters. Well, guess what? As I think you may have noticed, they are one of my favorite bands. Just A-Pause-Mazing! If you ever have a chance to see them live, do it. Dave can get it, as seen here, playing one of my favorite songs of all time:



Did you know Dave played all the instruments on the first Foo Fighters album? Well, he did. Dude is an extremely talented musician, and for that I am in love with him. It doesn't end with the Foos either. Dave was the bad ass drummer for Nirvana (A-DUH! Have you been living under a rock, grandma/pa?) and he has so many side projects like Them Crooked Vultures and collborations with Tenacious D, among others.

In addition to rocking my socks off, Dave is soooooooooooooo hilarious, you guys. I think that I have established that funny wins every time (please see Paul Rudd post). You don't believe me?! Sit back and enjoy.

EXHIBIT A:


EXHIBIT B:


See what I mean?! Funny = Please bang me now!

Also, any man that has a portrait of himself made that looks like this is the absolute best:



If anyone can replicate this for my home, I'll buy you a coke. As in a COCA-COLA! I know how to show appreciation, you guys.

I know all of you are hot in the pants for Dave now too, so you can catch him and his band performing on Saturday Night Live on April 9. Also, the new album Wasted Light drops on April 12! Here's the new video for "Rope."



Holy hell, I want to rip his shirt off and lick his tats. So the moral of the story is that I want to make babies with this man. Musically talented babies.

See you next time when I discuss Jimmy Fallon!