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Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'd Hit That: Jason Schwartzman

I originally saw The Darjeeling Limited in 2007 when it came out. I hated it! I even supported a nomination of it in a WMOAT thread. This week it was on TV, so I decided watch it again. I enjoyed it very much this time around. So that brings me to where we are now. Discussing the "bangability" of one of the stars of this very film, Jason Schwartzman.

"The Schwartz," as I like to call him, is a proud member of my Top 5. Prepare yourselves...You're in for a wild ride.

Have you guys seen Bored to Death? You guys should see Bored to Death. This is the HBO series that led to J-Schwartz swooping into my Top 5. I have always liked him and his movies a lot, but watching this series sealed the deal. It's so funny, and he's so fucking charming! If you haven't watched the series, check out this trailer for season 1, then add the shit to your Netflix:

Other J-Schwartz items to add to your Netflix (there's so many, but these are my faves):


I Heart Huckabees

Marie Antoinette

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Also, can we just acknowledge the FACT that The Schwartz was the best part of Funny People. I mean, c'mon, Yo, Teach! was the best:

Now some of you may not be aware, but Jason is a talented musician, which just adds to the hotness level ten-fold! Yes, you probably know that he was the drummer for Phantom Planet who had the hit song "California." Well, he also has a solo project that goes by the name Coconut Records, and it is really awesome stuff, IMHO. Take a looksie at this music video for "Any Fun":

Basically, if you are a hipster (and I know all of you are...don't lie to me!) you should be listening to this. What I am saying is:

Let's talk about some of the desirable features that The Schwartz can put to good use when trying to seduce us. I think you guys know what features I am talking about, so let's stop avoiding the obvious and get to it:

As you will see below, this man has some great looking peepers. I could drown just staring into those lovely eyes, y'all. Look into them for a minimum of 2 seconds, and I guarantee you won't be able to look away. THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! Also, as you will see below, he has a mesmerizing, sexy (oh so sexy) mole. I literally heart it!

Finally, J-Schwartz has something going for that sets him apart from all the others:

I really think this is the best 'stache I have ever laid eyes on, which pretty much means I would do him so hard. *SIGH*

There you have it! Yet again, you all have peeked into my mind, and I will let you do it again next week when we discuss who I would like to "hit." Also, check out this blog that Superglue recommended to me called Bangable Dudes in History. It made me discover that I would definitely have had sex with a young Stalin.


  1. Ummm, you left out possibly one of the best Schwartzman films out there, Slackers. Cool Ethan!

  2. Nightmare, I like you, I do, and I don't want to hurt your feelings but this post is an abomination. My reasons for this are three-fold:
    1.) Jason Schwartzman? Really?
    2.) The song is almost as ridiculous as the video. John Francis Daly of Freaks and Geeks and Bones fame, show the lady how it's done:
    3.) The best stache? THE BEST? Bitch, please.

  3. Teacherman, You Mad!

    Grinth, I do love Slackers! Sorry, I didn't mention! :)